The Ego and Happiness. Vanity.
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The force of ego is what fuels all the negativities in the brain, so it’s the root cause of all resistance and suffering. The ego wants to feel whole (happy) all the time but its very foundation is based in lack and hence it cannot ever feel happy for long. In fact, the way ego defines happiness itself is a based in a sense of lack where it associates happiness purely with acquiring something/someone.
The ego structure of the brain is created through “addition” of identities, life-story, memories, achievements, possessions and beliefs. Since the ego is always trying to add to itself, it never feels complete – it never feels stable, it’s always changing, sometimes it feels diminished, sometimes it feels exalted, sometimes it feels important, sometimes it feels worthless, sometimes it feels like a winner, sometimes it feels like a loser.
Your life is your greatest teacher, if you allow it to teach you. If you are a good student you will learn easily what life is teaching you, but if you are a hard-headed student you will keep repeating your mistakes without any growth or learning.
You NEED an ego to survive in this world.
It’s a part of you – and always will be. You would die without your ego. But if your ego is weak (and thus negative) then you will be in misery.
If your ego is strong and positive – then you will most likely be happy and filled with love and all the other good things life has to offer. Or at least you’re headed in that direction.
Now, a strong ego is NOT an ego that tells you how wonderful you are. That’s a WEAK ego!
A strong ego does its job. Period. A strong ego delivers information to you. It delivers just the facts. A weak ego only delivers some of the facts, and it taints that incomplete information with all kind of commentaries.
If you wonder whether or not you have a problem with ego, you can just look at your life.
The weak ego will immediately tell you this is all nonsense, or perhaps it will say everyone is miserable, or perhaps it will say you can never be fixed. Whatever. It will do everything it can to distract you from EVALUATING your life. Or evaluating anything, for that matter. That’s one of the tricks of a weak and negative ego.
Your goal (assuming you want to live a rich and fulfilling life) is to learn all you can about your ego. And at first, it might be confusing. As that question above illustrates.
And that’s a good sign you’re on the right track! The person who’s never confused is a person lost in ego.
Not that you want to STAY confused…!
The more you work with your ego, the easier it is to discern its voice from yours.
If you jump into a pond, all the silt on the bottom will be stirred up, and will cloud the water. And that’s okay. It’s normal.
Links to read more on "The Ego":
Do you get upset easily because you are a sensitive person, take the Quiz.
Are you cute, pretty, beautiful, or ugly on the inside, take the Quiz.
What's wrong with being vain?
Does it make you happy and alive?
The problem with vanity is that it limits your experience of life. While self-consumed (looks, money, things, other people) ought to make you the center of it all, it often leaves you empty and alone. It disconnects you from deeper things in life, including deep relationships.
Furthermore, paradoxically, people aren’t vain out of self-love, but a need for love and approval from others.
When you pursue things outside of yourself, things that others value, you (often subconsciously) take on other people’s values instead of following your own.
For example, if you like to drive a comfortable car, you can afford it, and it makes you happy, then by all means get a BMW. But if you are doing it only so you can show off to your neighbor or client, then you’re not doing it for yourself but for them.
People mistake vanity for self-love. A good way of drawing the distinction is: taking care of yourself, living the life you want, and enjoying your human experience isn’t vanity; it’s self love. However, whenever you do things so that others can see, approve, be jealous of, or even attack you for it—in other words, whenever you’re doing something so to intentionally get a particular response of others, that’s vanity.
Vanity isn’t only about luxury; it can be found in people doing service, too: oh, I did this and that for you, I sacrificed, you should be grateful.
This kind of approach not only makes your belongings, experiences, and relationships shallow and meaningless (it’s never enough!) but it is devoid of a deep experience of life.
Ultimately, it leaves you feeling unhappy.
Do you thing, take care of your mind, body, and soul, live a great life, have deep and meaningful relationships, and follow your bliss. If people call you vain, you won’t care!
everyone has vanity if you don't love yourself you can't truly love someone else so as long as loving yourself for the true sense of the meaning dose not interfere with your own self destruction what I mean by that is as long as you do it for you staying true without it influencing you negatively it's what a real man is for the reasons you do love yourself is that you know becoming a real man is tougher than anyway anyone can live for your intentions are always good you don't rely upon anyone you know the difference between right and wrong moral and immoral and you intentionally stay true to yourself you are tough for tough is doing the right thing by you and the people around you for its not easy to be a real man and there are few real men out there and that is who I am. the best toughest truest person I can be.
But sure, one meaning leads to another . If you are too much into immersed into say your looks , your thoughts ,your money , your problems that situation would create a lack of perspective and you will be of no use to the people around you.
Coming to the actual answer to the question you mentioned ,
There's really nothing wrong with being vain really . I think you are in the wrong group. If you use Quora more frequently than Facebook , then your Facebook friends might consider you as a vain person . you should find like minded individuals if you anyway find yourself useless or misfit.
Also IGNORANCE is also one of the major reasons of being a "vain " person.
Also two things happen when you are a "vain " person ,
1. You are judged/befriended by other "vain" person in the same group.
2. You are forgotten and no one really acknowledges your existence actually
due to which you may may develop low self esteem .
Although it's important to be self loving(upto a extent) and staying secure , but you should not be absolutely vain and should not be ignorant also for that matter.
In Other Languages
How do you know if you are vain?
Another good but indirect way is to look over one's financial records and see how much money you've spent on looking good, or seeming good, or fixing up one's reputation, or on oneself in general; and then compare that to what you've spent on helping others or building up others without receiving anything in return. This won't prove anything but it might give some insight.
How vain are you?
Written By Matt Morris
Trust Behaviors You Must Exhibit to Build Strong Relationship Trust
This is a step in following the “How to Build Self-Trust”. Obviously, I take the concept of trust very seriously and you should too! Without it, you will fail in your business endeavors and your relationships. Sound a little dramatic?? Well, do you spend time or money with people you don’t trust?
I didn’t think so!
You may be the smartest and most skilled person in your industry, but if I don’t trust you, none of that matters. So once you’ve mastered self-trust (LINK TO BLOG), you can move on to relationship trust, as discussed in Stephen M.R. Covey’s book, “The Speed of Trust“. Just like self-trust, you can build relationship trust through certain behaviors I’m gonna go over here. These are based loosely on the ones Covey covers in his book!
Don’t freak out as you look ever these . . .they’re not meant to be easy. They’re meant to be effective! Real trust takes some time to develop and nurture which is another reason to get started now!
“You can’t talk yourself out of a problem you’ve behaved yourself into.”
Stephen R. Covey
“No, but you can behave yourself out of a problem you’ve behaved yourself into . . . and often faster than you think!” –
Stephen M. R. Covey
13 Trust Behaviors Designed to Change Your Life
1. Talk Straight
Tell the truth and leave the right impression. Simply let people know where you stand by using simple language and integrity. Never manipulate people or distort the facts to fit your needs. Leaving false impressions on purpose is the same as lying. Isn’t it so refreshing when someone just shoots straight with you? You feel respected and confident you have the information you need to make a decision.
2. Demonstrate Respect
The best way to do this by being genuine. Don’t “fake” care for someone. People will see straight through that. There’s nothing worse than watching someone you trust be super kind to someone, then turn around and bad mouth them to you as soon as they walk off. Second, treat EVERYONE with respect, especially those who can’t do anything for you! Last, and an important one for busy leaders, don’t try to be “efficient” with people. You’ve been there, right? It’s where you’re talking to someone, and they’re checking their watch or looking past you to find the real person they wanted to talk to! Don’t be that guy!
3. Create Transparency
“What you see is what you get!” is a great way to lead and build relationship trust! Share all of the information you can in an authentic and genuine way where people can verify the facts you just shared. Don’t intentionally hide information from people. Once they find out, not good! And you feel bad. So err on the side of full disclosure! They’ll respect you for it!
4. Right Wrongs
Admit your mistakes. Do everything you can to make it right and apologize quickly. Basically, don’t let pride get in the way of doing the right thing. It all comes down to personal accountability and humility!
“To know what is right and not to do it is the worst kind of cowardice.”
5. Show Loyalty
Give credit where credit is due! One way I practice this trust behavior is acting as if the person I’m talking about is present. That way, I know I won’t say something I wouldn’t want them to hear and everything they would!
Respect people’s privacy by not sharing something they confided in you. Stand up for those who aren’t present to stand up for themselves.
6. Deliver Results
This trust behavior is pretty easy to get since it’s so straightforward . . .establish a track record of results. Just get the right things done and make it happen! Strive to undercommit and overdeliver! No excuses.
7. Get Better
I love this one! The fact that you’re reading this blog tells me that you’re a learner looking to improve. Constant personal development is a must! For ideas on development, check out the top leadership books list and the top self help books list I created. Also, be open and receptive to the feedback people are giving you.
8. Confront Reality
This one can be difficult, especially if your reality sucks! You know what I mean . . .ignoring the bad stuff does not make it go away. Take issues head on and address the tough stuff directly and efficiently! Acknowledge the elephant in the room when others won’t. That is a very respected trust behavior!
9. Clarify Expectations
Make sure everyone is on the same page regarding what’s expected of each person in every relationship. If you have a business partner and the expenses are totally out of whack, it should be clear who’s responsible for that. That clarity comes from removing assumptions, stating things clearly and renegotiating, as needed. This is so important to build relationship trust and to avoid simple misunderstandings that can become huge problems.
10. Practice Accountability
When things go well, give credit to others. When things don’t, take accountability. This is a credo I live by as a leader. Obviously, this shouldn’t be taken literally but I hope you get the point. Too often responsibility is shirked and the blame game starts. Keep it positive. Hold yourself accountable and be a model for others to follow. This trust behavior feels good when you practice it…. and it has a trickle down effect that’s phenomenal!
11. Listen First
Seek first to understand then to be understood. HUGELY important habit. People love to feel not only heard but understood. Listen with your ears, eyes and heart and get the full picture. Do this, and the speed o trust will be Mach3! Not only that, your ability to lead will be improved because you’ll know what’s going on versus assuming you have all the answers. Hell, you may not even know the questions, much less the answers. Everyone wins here when you practice this trust behavior!
12. Keep Commitments
Simply put, say what you’re going to do, then go do it! Commitments should not be made lightly if you plan to keep them. If you’re unsure, don’t voice the commitment . . . remember, “undercommit and overdeliver”. If you do find yourself in a broken commitment situation, own it. Take accountability and move on. Do better next time.
13. Extend Trust
I love the way Covey says this in his book, “The Speed of Trust”, so I’m going to quote it directly here. “Extend trust abundantly to those who have earned your trust. Extend trust conditionally to those who are earning your trust . . . have a propensity to trust. Don’t withhold trust because there is risk involved.” Couldn’t have said it better myself, Mr. Covey!
Whew! Told you they were powerful! I understand you may be doing great with some of these trust behaviors. However, I do hope you’ve identified some that could require some focused attention. Once you have those determined, you can put an action plan in place. I recommend referring to “The Speed of Trust” to assist you with that one. He has an entire chapter dedicated on identifying areas of work and how to create an action plan accordingly! Awesome stuff!
Today, I hope you will have another inspired day, that you will dream boldly and dangerously, that you will make some progress that didn’t exist before you took action, that you will love and be loved in return, and that you will find the strength to accept and grow from the troubles you can’t change. And, most importantly (because I think there should be more kindness and wisdom in this crazy world), that you will, when you must, be wise with your decisions, and that you will always be extra kind to yourself and others.