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Simple lessons on mindfulness, meditation, and art of becoming more fully youNick Wignall

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Are you looking to reach a new level of success in your life?

A creative professional seeking motivation?

An entrepreneur facing start-up challenges?

Are you unhappy with your life?

Need some motivation...........?

This video has some great ideas to guide you through this challenging time in your life and achieve the level of success you are reaching for.

You have to believe in yourself.

 

STARTING NOW: NO shortcuts. NO quick fixes. NO blaming others. NO “I’ll do it tomorrows.” NO MORE EXCUSES!

 

The mind is a wonderful thing. It’s also an excuse-making machine that frequently tries to convince us not to take actions we know are good for us. And this prevents many positive changes from taking place in our lives.

I’ve had to learn to watch these excuses very carefully in order to make the positive changes I’ve made in my life: a healthier diet, regular exercise, meditation, more sleep, daily writing, better planning, less procrastination, more focus, etc.

If I hadn’t learned about these excuses, and how to suppress them, I would never have succeeded in making these positive changes. In fact, until I knew better, I had failed countless times when I was young because my mind’s deceptive tendencies used to get the best of me.

So why does the mind mess with us and make irrational excuses?

Because the mind wants comfort, that’s why. It’s afraid of discomfort, pressure and change. The mind is absorbed in its comfort zone, and anytime we try to stretch that zone too far, for too long, the mind tries desperately to get back to ground zero at any cost—including sacrificing our long-term health, happiness and success.

So let’s expose 10 of the cowardly mind’s most damaging excuses once and for all…

Excuse #1: I can’t do it.

It seems too difficult at first, so you think you can’t stick to the positive change you’re making. You don’t believe in yourself enough to take another step. This is a common excuse that can be countered by looking at the fact that other people no more capable than you have done it.

For example, my 60-year-old next-door neighbor ran a marathon a little before I started training for my first marathon, and so I told myself, “If she can do it, so can I!” And I was right. Truth be told, the only person who can tell you “I can’t” is you. If you hear those words echoing in the back of your mind, tune them out. Realize that your doubts and your faith have something in common—they both ask you to believe in something you can’t see. You simply have to decide which one you want to believe.

Excuse #2: They can do it, but that doesn’t apply to me because they have it better than me.

Just because someone else can, doesn’t mean you can, right? You look for reasons they can do it but you can’t—maybe he’s an internet entrepreneur or freelance writer because he has no kids. Maybe she’s way fitter than I am, so she can run a marathon. Maybe she doesn’t have all the work and family obligations I have, or has a supportive spouse, or doesn’t have bad knees. OK, fine, it’s easy to find excuses: but look at all the other people who also have considerable obstacles and have done it anyway.

Marc and I have a family, and have dealt with significant loss in our lives, and still managed to succeed on many fronts. And just as we’ve turned things around for ourselves, we know hundreds of other people who’ve done the same. Through a decade of life coaching, we’ve witnessed people reinventing themselves at all ages – 48-year olds starting families, 57-year-olds graduating from college for the first time, 71-year-olds starting successful businesses, and so forth. And stories abound of people with disabilities or illnesses who overcame their obstacles to achieve great things. Your obstacles can be overcome.

Excuse #3: I’m stuck because I don’t have enough time to make changes.

Have you ever met a happy, successful person who regularly avoids responsibility, blames and points fingers and makes excuses for their unsatisfying life? Me either. The truth is, you write your own destiny through the choices you make every day. You become what you repeatedly do. It is more important to know where you are going and why, than to get there quickly. In fact, the most important thing in life is knowing what the most important things in life are, and prioritizing them accordingly.

Most of us spend too much time on urgent things and not enough time on important things. So do yourself a favor and implement these three action steps every time you’re building or sorting your to-do list:

1. Think about the difference between what is urgent and what is important.
2. Review all the obligations on your list.
3. Do what’s important first. (Read The ONE Thing.)
4.  

Excuse #4: It’ll be too hard because I can’t get by without _____.

Fill in the blank: I need my wine, my cheese, my sweets, my TV shows, my ten hours of sleep, my big house, my fancy wardrobe, etc. These are luxuries we convince ourselves we can’t live without, so we can justify not making positive changes like eating healthier or exercising daily or saving money or simplifying our lives or building a profitable side hustle. And like I said, I’m not immune either—in the past I’ve made these excuses myself, but they all turned out to be lies. I didn’t need any of these things in my life, and believing that I did was only getting in the way of the positive changes I was capable of creating for myself.

Excuse #5: Life is meant to be easier and enjoyed more.

Sure, I agree that life should be enjoyed (as most people would) but the problem is that the idea that life should ALWAYS be easy and enjoyable is used to justify all kinds of lazy behavior. Might as well sit on the couch and scarf down those cookies, because hey, life is meant to be enjoyed, right? Nope. You can do without junk food and still enjoy life. You can exercise and enjoy it. You can give up a lot of comfort in your life and not lose a thing. In fact, the path of least resistance is often the path of least reward.

You need to do hard things. There are no shortcuts to any place worth going. As Einstein once said, “Genius is 1% talent and 99% percent hard work.” You must run to be a runner. You must write to be a writer. You must actively work on a business venture to learn how to run a successful business. There is no substitute for doing the work. So meditate on this every day: “I will do the work. It won’t be easy. It will be worth it!”

Excuse #6: I deserve a reward (or a break).

We all deserve a tasty treat, or a day off. I’m not saying you shouldn’t give yourself a reward or break when one is deserved. But if you make this rationalization a primary rule for living, you’ll always be on a break. You’ll always be giving yourself rewards, and never adhering to the original plan. Here’s what I do instead: I see sticking to my plan as the reward itself. I see reaching my goals as a gift I give myself. Going on a run isn’t the thing I have to get through to get a reward—the run is the reward.

Excuse #7: I can do it later.

Sure, you can always do it later… but your later self will feel the same exact way. Think about it: Why should your later self be more disciplined than your present self? There’s no reason. In fact, because you’re allowing yourself to slack off now, you’re building a habit of procrastination and actually making it less likely that your later self will be more disciplined.

So today, stop making excuses for why you can’t get it done and start focusing on all the reasons why you must make it happen. Stop talking about what you have done or what you are going to do. Just do it and let your actions speak for themselves. Most great things in life don’t happen by chance, they happen by choice. You never know what’s possible until you risk finding out. In the long run, there is only one thing that makes your dreams and goals completely impossible to achieve: Your lack of action today. (Marc and I discuss this in more detail in the “Productivity” chapter of 1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently.)

Excuse #8: One time won’t hurt.

This lie is so tempting, because it’s somewhat true: one time won’t hurt. Assuming, of course, that it really is only one time. One scoop of ice cream, one missed workout, one time procrastinating instead of working, etc. Unfortunately, it’s never just one time. One time means your brain now knows it can get away with this excuse next time too, and the next “one time” leads to another, until you’ve completely fallen off the wagon.

Make a pact with yourself: never believe the “one time” lie. If you’re going to allow yourself a scoop of ice cream, decide this beforehand and build it into your plan—“I will allow myself a single serving of sweets once every weekend” and stick to your plan, rather than deciding on the fly when your conscience is weak.

Excuse #9: I’ve already failed too much.

You’re only human. If you break down, it’s fine. Just don’t stay down. Rest, and then pick yourself up so you can go to where you’d rather be. Mistakes make us wiser. Failures help us grow. Hope keeps us going. And love is the reason we’re alive. Keep learning, loving and living.

As Winston Churchill once said, “Success is never final, failure is never fatal. It is courage to continue that counts.” Nothing could be closer to the truth. Persistence is the mother of all productive effort. Failures, small and large, happen every day to the best of us. The strongest, most productive people aren’t the people who always succeed, but the ones who don’t give up when they lose.

In the heat of the moment when you feel like quitting, think about how far you have come and why you started in the first place. Oftentimes you’re a lot closer to making a breakthrough than you think. Some people give up their efforts when they have almost reached their goal, while others conquer their goals by exerting, up until the very last possible second, more vigorous efforts than ever before.

Bottom line: Once you learn to quit, it becomes a habit. Make some necessary adjustments, and KEEP GOING! (Read The Success Principles.)

Excuse #10: It’s too late now.

Change is constant, but growth is optional. Remain stuck or learn and grow. Where you end up is dependent on your daily attitude and response. And it’s never too late to change your attitude about something you can’t change. Just decide to make the best of it. No excuses. No regrets.

Honestly, nothing is too late until your tired heart stops beating. If you’re reading this right now, congratulations, you are alive, which means it’s not too late for you. Things can change if you want them to at any age. Right now you can choose differently and make something new happen. Your future is immediate. Grab on to it with both hands and keep on moving on. When you come up on a roadblock and are faced with the choice of sitting down and doing nothing or doing something to make further progress, choose the latter.

Think, work, and climb if you have to.

Move your life forward.

Today!

Your turn…

What kinds of excuses sometimes echo in the back of your mind? What’s one such excuse that has held you back?

Glad To Be Alive The Path To Adulthood – Healing The Pain Becoming The Adult Overcoming Loneliness – Part Two How To Overcome Loneliness How We End Up In Misery How To Deal With Loneliness Emotional Abuse Test Emotional Health – What Millions Still Don’t Know Emotional Insecurity Help You Have Emotion You Have Beliefs You Have Choice You Are Enough You Are Loved You Have A Heart

EMOTIONAL HEALTH –

EMOTIONAL HEALING –

EMOTION –

A fusion of thought and feeling that expands your consciousness.

Sex Tips for Men: How to Have a Better Sex Life

Was It Good For You?

 

In the movies, sex always looks great.

But if you're like a lot of men, sex may not be as good as you think it could be. You might feel anxiety, concerns about your performance, or even self-consciousness about your body.

No matter what the scenario, it just feels like you're not having sex as often as everyone else.

 

 

How's Your Sex Life?

 

An Ohio State University study found young men think about sex about 19 times per day (as compared to young women who think about it 10 times daily).

Despite it being on men's minds much of the time, men still remain confused about what great sex is, and how to have it.

Men face both mental barriers and physical barriers to great sex.

They may be plagued with self-doubt, and cling to myths and misperceptions about sex.

Physically, many men could use some work on the mechanics of lovemaking.

 

 

What Is Great Sex?

 

"Great sex is in the eye of the beholder, or the be-hander," says Patti Britton, a clinical sexologist and author of The Art of Sex Coaching.

"For some men, it might be the ability to produce fantabulous multiple orgasms in their partner.

For other men, it might mean being able to last three minutes.

Being a great lover means becoming a great lover to your particular partner, and that requires doing something very difficult: opening your mouth."

 

Men may talk a good game when it comes to sex, but most don't think the sex they have is as good as it could be.

 

The following slides are a guide to great sex, with six tips for more sexual pleasure.

 

Great Sex Tip 1: Take Up Pillow Talk

 

Pillow talk is important.

Aside from kissing and other sexual activities, men can use their mouths for talking to their partner about what they want, and what their partner likes.

It's about being open and trusting.

 

"If you get to know yourself and your partner, you’ll have a much more erotic and explosive sexual relationship," says Joy Davidson, a New York-based psychologist and sexologist, and the author of Fearless Sex.

 

Great Sex Tip 2: Don't Believe Locker Room Talk

 

Men may brag to friends and exaggerate the frequency of their sexual activity, but unlike women, men are less likely to talk about insecurities they have surrounding sex.

The result is that men create distorted pictures of sexual frequency and prowess for themselves and one another.

 

According to Michael Castleman, a San Francisco-based sex expert and author of Great Sex: A Man’s Guide to the Secret Principles of Total-Body Sex, the average frequency of sex in committed long-term relationships is roughly once every 10 days.+

 

 

 

Great Sex Tip 3: Don't Compare Your Sex Life With Porn

 

Unfortunately, men may learn a lot of what they know about sex from pornography.

The problem with that is women and men who appear in porn are often in great physical shape.

Both women and men are well-endowed, which can create unrealistic expectations.

 

"One of the most destructive myths of porn is that it convinces so many guys that they’re too small," Castleman says. "They forget that pornography is self-selecting...

These are not average men.

They’re the extreme end of the scale."

 

Other myths men may learn from pornography include the ideas that women are always ready for sex, that the same moves work on every partner all the time, and that sex always ends in orgasm.

 

Porn isn't all bad. It can give men ideas for sexual exploration and fun scenarios to enjoy with their partners, with a caveat: "As long as you’re aware that it’s not reality," Castleman says. "It’s like watching a car chase in an action movie.

It’s exciting. It’s entertaining. But everyone knows it’s not the way to drive."

 

 

Great Sex Tip 4: Focus on Pleasurable Sensations

 

Stress, anxiety, and distractions can lead to less satisfying sex.

Leave the stress of the job at work, and minimize your anxiety about your performance.

"If we can quiet our monkey-minds, put a stop to that ceaseless inner-chatter, we can open ourselves up to better sex," Britton says.

 

She recommends that men adopt a mantra: FOPS, or Focus on Pleasurable Sensations. "There are techniques ranging from eye-gazing to massage and synchronized breathing that help keep you in the moment," Britton says.

"Great sex happens in the present.

It doesn’t happen in the future, like worrying about how quickly you’re going to come."

 

 

Great Sex Tip 5: Focus Less on Size and More on Other Matters

 

When it comes to penis size, men always hear that size doesn't matter to women.

While this may be the case for most, it's not so much about having the biggest penis as it is fitting with your partner. "I’m not going to pretend it doesn't matter," Davidson says.

"There are plenty of women for whom it absolutely does.

But I prefer to focus on the idea of the right fit."

 

People come in all shapes and sizes and some fit better with each other.+ For many women, average-sized men are the best fit.

This is usually a matter of personal preference.

However, it's not something to get caught up in and worry about.

Focus on foreplay – kissing, caressing, and other ways of giving pleasure – can lead to satisfying sex for men and women of all shapes and sizes.

 

Don't forget to talk to your partner, too.

"A lot of women are very responsive to a man’s voice during lovemaking," Davidson says.

"If a man has the verbal facility and can entice a woman through his voice that can become a powerful part of his repertoire."

 

 

Great Sex Tip 6: Schedule Sex...Really!

 

It may sound mundane to schedule sex, but it can actually make it more relaxing with both partners having more realistic expectations.

"There’s this powerful mythology that says you should fall into each other’s arms spontaneously, with string music playing and the sun setting in the West, and if that doesn't happen there's something wrong with you," Castleman says. "Nonsense. Real-life doesn't work that way."

 

Scheduling sex can also eliminate conflict over desire differences and remove the pressure to perform. "People say, 'What if I’m not in the mood?'

Well, one of the things about relationships is that you sometimes make compromises.

But what astonishes people once they start scheduling sex is that they can actually enjoy it," says Castleman.

FREE TRAINING...try it.

For more inspiration:

• See our awesome collection of inspiring resources in our Inspiration Center.

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• Explore dynamic online courses which powerfully expand your horizons.

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You can have all the knowledge in the world, but it means nothing without building up the confidence to do something with it.

Two decades ago, when the bullies at our high school called her a nerd for being a virgin and a straight-A student, my best friend Sara smiled and confidently said, “Thank you. I’m really proud of it.” She honestly was. What those bullies said never bothered her one bit. And this is just one tiny example of Sara’s incredible self-confidence.

I was reminded of Sara this morning when I received an email from a long-time blog subscriber (subscribe here) named Lane who is struggling with a similar bullying issue at a small community college where he’s taking classes. After describing his predicament in detail, he ended his email with this:

“I love your books and blog. Both have helped me get through a very low point in my life. But even though I’ve made progress, I often struggle with my self-confidence. These bullies really get the best of me. And I know my shattered confidence is really taking a toll on me. Therefore, what I need now more than ever is to learn how to walk in a more confident person’s footsteps, by changing the behaviors that kill my confidence.”So, pulling from over a decade of experience as a life coach, in an effort to help Lane walk more closely Sara’s footsteps, here are some insanely popular confidence-killing behaviors to avoid:

1. Getting caught up in lots of needless drama. – Some people love to stir up controversy and drama for no apparent reason. Don’t buy in to their propaganda. Stay out of other people’s drama and don’t needlessly create your own. Instead, imagine what would happen if you spent this entire day, and every day hereafter, with all your energy directed toward your most positive possibilities. Rather than being annoyed, be amused. Instead of getting angry, become curious. In place of envy, feel admiration. Life is too short to argue, fight, or be overly negative. Count your blessings, value the people who matter, and move on from the drama with your head held high.
2. Seeking approval from everyone around you. – Confident people have no interest in pleasing everyone they meet. They are aware that not all people agree on things, and that’s just how life works. They focus on the quality of their relationships, instead of the quantity of them. So never let the opinions of the masses define who you are or what you can or can’t do. When you let go of the need to impress everyone, that’s when you begin to be truly impressive to the few people who actually matter. And when you earn the trust and respect of these select few people, no matter where you go or what you try, you will do it with confidence—because you know the people who matter are behind you.
3. Making excuse after excuse after excuse. – Have a plan that’s bigger than your excuses. There is so very much to touch, to do, to create, and to experience. Confident people take ownership of their thoughts and actions. They don’t blame the traffic for being tardy at work—they know THEY were late. They don’t excuse their shortcomings with excuses like “I don’t have time” or “I’m just not good enough”—they make the time and they keep on improving until they see results. Even a tiny effort is infinitely more productive than a big, impressive excuse. So stop seeing every obstacle as an excuse and start seeing those obstacles as forming a pathway to your goals. (Read The Last Lecture.)
4. Ignoring or second-guessing your intuition. – Intuition is very real and something that is never wise to ignore, because it comes from deep within your subconscious and is derived from your previous life experiences. If everyone else is telling you “yes” but your gut is telling you otherwise, it’s usually for a good reason. When faced with difficult decisions, seek out all the information you can find, become as knowledgeable as you possibly can, and then listen to your God-given instincts. Believe in yourself. Know that trusting your intuition is equivalent to trusting your true self; and the more you trust your true self, the more control you have of making your goals and dreams come true.
5. Disempowering yourself with weak language. – Confident people use words with intention. Consider the difference between these two aspiring bloggers: One says, “Yes, I am a blogger. You like meditation and yoga too? Excellent! We need to connect—check out my new mindfulness guide I just posted at…” vs. “Well, I am trying to blog but am not sure I am doing it right (nervous giggle). I wish I had started sooner… blah, blah.” Who do you think gets the most views, comments and social shares? Bottom line: If you’re trying to build something or become something, own it and speak like you mean it. (Angel and I discuss this in detail in the “Passion and Growth” chapter of the NEW edition of 1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently.)
6. Thinking, “Why me? Why me?” – On the contrary, confident people think, “Why not me?” Sadly though, many people feel they have to wait: to be hired, to be good enough, to be chosen – like the old Hollywood cliché, to somehow be “discovered.” But confident people know that access is basically universal these days (especially if you’re online reading this article). They can connect with almost anyone through social media. (Everyone you know knows someone you should know.) They know they can attract their own funding, create their own products and services, build their own networks of clients and partners, choose their own path – they can choose to follow their dreams. And very quietly, without calling too much attention to themselves, they go out and do it.
7. Needing to always be right. – Confident people take a stand not because they think they’re always right, but because they’re not scared to be wrong. Cocky, conceited people tend to take a position and then preach, argue, and totally disregard differing opinions or points of view. They “know” they’re right (even when they’re wrong) and they want (actually, they need) you to know it too. Their behavior isn’t a sign of confidence, though; it’s the trademark of a bully. Truly confident people don’t mind being proven wrong. They know that finding out what is right is a lot more important than being right. And when they’re wrong, they’re secure enough to back down graciously and appreciate the lesson learned.
8. Talking just to hear yourself talk. – Begging for attention by talking constantly is just another mask for insecurity. Thus, confident people are often quiet and unassuming, and they listen as much if not more than they speak. They already know what they think, so they want to know what you think. Follow in their footsteps by asking open-ended questions on the topic of discussion, and give others the freedom to be thoughtful, introspective and resourceful. Ask questions like: What do you do? How do you do it? What have you learned from it? What would you do differently if you were starting over? And so forth. Ask these questions to learn, because you know a lot, but not everything, and the only way to learn more is to listen more.
9. Letting success get to your head or failure get to your heart. – If success makes you arrogant, you haven’t really succeeded. If failure makes you determined, you haven’t really failed. Period. Think about success and failure differently. Don’t take everything that goes wrong personally, and don’t get a big head when everything goes right either. Be a humble, life-long learner. Create, enjoy, learn, love, experience, succeed, fail, persevere, make mistakes, make progress, take risks, and find the treasure in each day.
10. Hiding from new life experiences. – Get out there. Let life touch you. Yes, it will hurt sometimes. But the pain will be much deeper if you build an impenetrable wall around yourself—your own 100-foot tall wall of comfort—your own self-inflicted prison sentence. Life is too short for that. Don’t let the fear of making the wrong decision prevent you from making any decision at all. You have too many beautiful places to go. Today is full of possibility. Now, do something about it!

It’s your turn…

If you only remember two words from this whole article, let them be: Learn and Believe.

Learn: As in… learn through experience. Learn from others. Remain humble, open-minded and teachable. Put yourself out there and let it all sink it. Push yourself to the edge of your comfort zone, so you can expand it and grow a little more confident every day.

Believe: As in… believe in yourself and your ability to succeed. Believe in your intuition, especially when you have to choose between two good paths. Believe that the answers are out there waiting. Believe that life will surprise you again and again. Believe that the journey is the destination. Believe that it’s all worth your while. Believe that you are confident enough to see it through.

What is Inner Bonding®?

INNER BONDING a 6-step spiritually based therapeutic modality that heals shame, and the resulting self-abandonment, that is often the root cause of anxiety, stress, depression, low self-esteem, addictions, and relationship problems. INNER BONDING creates profound connections with Self, Spirit, and others that heals emptiness and aloneness, unleashing creativity, imagination, passion and purpose, love and joy!

The practice of INNER BONDING is about learning to love yourself and share your love with others. 

INNER BONDING transforms your life, creating emotional freedom, by teaching you to:

• Recognize your true worth
• Discover your passion and purpose in life
• Take loving care of your heart, mind, body, and spirit
• Take responsibility for your own feelings of pain and joy, safety and worth
• Create deeply satisfying and enduring love relationships

Go to this website and learn about INNER BONDING............do it now!

http://www.innerbonding.com/page2.php

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Today, I hope you will have another inspired day, that you will dream boldly and dangerously, that you will make some progress that didn’t exist before you took action, that you will love and be loved in return, and that you will find the strength to accept and grow from the troubles you can’t change. And, most importantly (because I think there should be more kindness and wisdom in this crazy world), that you will, when you must, be wise with your decisions, and that you will always be extra kind to yourself and others.

When you stop doing the wrong things, you give the right things a chance to catch up with you.

 

I met a friend at a local coffee shop this morning.  She brought her work laptop along so she could show me some of her latest digital art designs.  As we chatted and scrolled through her artwork, the laptop suddenly started making an unhealthy buzzing noise, then the screen flickered on and off and finally cut off completely.  And as we both stared at one another in disbelief, the funky aroma of fried computer circuits filled our nostrils.

I quickly grabbed the laptop off the counter to inspect it and the problem instantly revealed itself.  The bottom of the laptop was soaking wet and an empty, spilt water cup rested against the side of her purse just behind where the laptop was sitting.  In the midst of us chatting and shifting the laptop’s 17-inch screen back and forth, we somehow spilt a cup of water the barista had inadvertently placed on the counter behind the screen, which was out of our view.

When life throws us nasty curveballs like this, it typically doesn’t make any sense to us, and our natural emotional reaction might be to get extremely upset and scream obscenities at the top of our lungs.  But how does this help our dilemma?  Obviously, it doesn’t.

My friend threw her hands up in the air and, to my surprise, cracked a half smile. “That’s exactly why I backed up my files this morning, and why I have full insurance on my laptop,” she said.

I was truly impressed with her response.  Many people I know have had meltdowns over much smaller inconveniences.

How about YOU?

How often do your responses, or emotional reactions, to life work against you?

If you’re anything like the rest of us, the answer is likely: more often than you realize.

So realize this now!

When life doesn’t go as planned, it is what it is.  Accept it, learn from it and grow.  It doesn’t matter what you’ve done; what truly matters is what you do from here.

Let my friend be your inspiration today.  Let her calm and collected response inspire you to make some positive shifts in various areas of your life.  It’s time to think better and live better!

Which means it’s time to…

1.  Stop letting every little problem get the best of you.

Inner peace begins the moment you take a deep breath and choose not to allow another person or event to control your emotions.

In other words, the greater part of your happiness or misery in the long run depends heavily on your attitude, not your circumstances.  If you’re stressed out by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your interpretation of it; and this is something you have the power to change.  It’s not easy, but it is entirely possible with practice.

It all starts with establishing a baseline level of positive thinking in your daily life.  Make it a habit!  You need to train your mind to see the good in everything, even when things don’t go as planned.  Life is a series of thousands of tiny miracles.  Notice them.  Notice again and again how fortunate you are.  The evidence is all around you, and it’s beautiful, and well worth gathering into your awareness.

And keep in mind that it takes roughly 66 days to form a new habit like this.  So for the next nine weeks, wake up every morning and look at the bright side of your life, and you will begin to rewire your brain.

2.  Stop expecting an easy journey to all your goals.

Be patient, but don’t just sit there expecting everything to be easy.  Good things don’t come to those who wait for the “easy” way.  And patience in life is not about waiting around; it’s the ability to keep a good attitude while working hard for what you believe in.

Decades from now when you’re resting on your deathbed, you will not remember the days that were easy, you will cherish the moments when you rose above your difficulties and conquered goals of magnitude.  You will dream of the strength you found within yourself that allowed you to achieve what once seemed impossible.

So don’t do what’s easy, do what you’re capable of today.  Astound yourself with your own resilience.

And remember, one of the most important moments on any journey is the moment you finally find the courage to let go of what can’t be changed.  Because, when you are no longer able to change the obstacles in front of you, you are challenged to change yourself from within—to grow beyond the unchangeable obstacles.  And that changes absolutely everything.

3.  Stop resisting your imperfections.

Every one of us is a perfectionist about something.  Learn to sense when your desire to make something perfect is preventing you from getting it done well.  Realize that the idea of perfection is not only unachievable, it can destroy your otherwise productive mindset.  It will keep you running in place, feeling insane for your entire life.

If you feel like you’re running in place right now, take a break and reflect.  Think about the difference between diligent effort and perfectionism, and figure out what is triggering you.  Because whatever triggers you also reveals what you need to heal.

Do your best to bring conscious awareness to what’s going through your worried mind when you’re not feeling good enough.  Why do you feel this way?  Who are you with this train of thought?  Who would you be, and what else would you see, if you removed it?

Know when enough is enough!  Say it out loud if you must:  “Get lost perfectionism!  Without you I am brilliant!”  (Read The Gifts of Imperfection.)

4.  Stop looking past the moment you’re living in.

Isn’t it strange how life works?  You want something and you work for it and wait for it and work for it and wait for it, and you feel like it’s taking forever to arrive.  Then it happens and it’s over and all you want to do is curl back up in that moment before things changed.

So, how can you avoid these feelings of loss and confusion?

By being more present every step of the way.

Pursue your goals and dreams while at the same time enjoying the journey of getting there.  Embrace the step you’re taking, even when you feel like you’ve lost your footing.  Sometimes the road gets bumpy.  Every step doesn’t have to be comfortable or perfectly placed.

By letting go of what “should” happen or what “could” happen every step of the way, you free up your life to various little surprises and joys.  You may not lead the exact life you want, but you will lead a meaningful, miraculous existence, guaranteed.  Life is sometimes difficult, but it’s not a chore.  Make it an adventure.  Make it fun.  Make a choice to feel good about yourself, about your world, about your possibilities and the step you’re taking right now.

5.  Stop disempowering yourself with weak language.

Confident people use words with intention.  YOU can be one of them!

Consider the difference between these two aspiring bloggers (two course students of ours) I recently spoke with:

One says:  “Yes, I am a blogger.  You like meditation and yoga too?  Excellent!  We need to connect on this subject—check out my new mindfulness guide I just posted at…”

And the other says:  “Well, I’m trying to blog but am not sure I’m doing it right (nervous giggle).  I wish I had started sooner… blah, blah.”

Which one do you think gets the most views, comments and social shares on their blog posts?

Bottom line:  If you’re trying to build something or become something, own it and speak like you mean it.  (Angel and I discuss this in detail in the Motivation chapter of our New York Times bestselling book, Getting Back to Happy: Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Reality, and Turn Your Trials into Triumphs.)

6.  Stop expecting everyone to be as kind, courteous, or caring as you are.

You will end up sadly disappointed if you expect people will always do for you as you do for them.  Not everyone has the same heart as you.

Be kind anyway!

And remember, being kind to someone you dislike doesn’t mean you’re fake.  It means you’re mature enough to control your emotions.  So be kinder than necessary today.  What goes around comes around in the long run.  No one has ever made themselves strong by showing how small someone else is.

7.  Stop being so rigid (or so “mature”) about letting loose and having fun.

Sometimes we put too much weight into trying to control every tiny aspect of our lives.  Switch gears, relax and ride the path that life takes you sometimes.  Try something new, be a bit daring, and explore your curiosity.

Letting go a little lets you experience more of the unexpected.  And the greatest joys in life are often the unexpected surprises that you never intended to happen.  If you want to get really good at something—personally or professionally—let go of your expectations and replace them with the notion of endless playful exploration.

We don’t stop dreaming and exploring because we grow old; we grow old because we stop dreaming and exploring.  So don’t stop!  ?

Now, it’s your turn…

In light of everything you’ve just read, I have a challenge for you:

Pick one of the points above and start consciously working on it.  Make doing so a positive daily ritual in your life.

And do your best not to fall back into your old patterns.  Toxic habits and behaviors always try to sneak back in when you’re doing better.  Stay focused and positive about what’s to come, by being consistent with what you know in your heart is right.

Which point above resonates with you the most?  (Which one do you need to STOP doing to yourself?)

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FIND YOURSELF (BEST MOTIVATIONAL VIDEO 2018)

Invest 30 minutes and watch this video:

Today, I hope you will have another inspired day, that you will dream boldly and dangerously, that you will make some progress that didn’t exist before you took action, that you will love and be loved in return, and that you will find the strength to accept and grow from the troubles you can’t change. And, most importantly (because I think there should be more kindness and wisdom in this crazy world), that you will, when you must, be wise with your decisions, and that you will always be extra kind to yourself and others.

 

You are enough. You have enough. You do enough. Breathe deep… let go, and just live right now in the moment.

ngel and I coach a number of students, 2-on-1 and in small groups — and pretty much every one of them is hard on themselves in some way. There’s this underlying feeling of stress and pain driven by disappointed in themselves, anger at themselves, or constantly believing they are inadequate.

Can you relate to this? I think most of us can.

This is a fundamental problem that most of us face, every single day. We don’t love significant aspects of ourselves. We beat ourselves up. We are frightened of uncertainty because we don’t think we’re good enough to handle it. We don’t trust ourselves, because we’ve formed a negative understanding of ourselves over the years. We get angry at ourselves for eating the wrong things, consuming too much alcohol, making mistakes in a social situations, getting distracted and watching Netflix or playing games on our phone, and so it goes. We are incredibly harsh on ourselves, and don’t like how we look or who we are, and it haunts us from the inside out.

Our feelings of self-doubt affects everything we do. It makes us more stressed, less happy, anxious, depressed, stuck, procrastinating, less present in relationships, less focused, more likely to reach for comfort foods or distraction or mindless shopping to comfort ourselves from the stress and pain of being who we are.

But if we could give ourselves love and respect, it would start to heal all of this. Everything could shift. We could deal with uncertainty and chaos and difficulty in a much more resilient way.

Giving ourselves love and respect is such an important act of self-care, and yet is rarely ever done.

The Reminders You Need

Set reminders for yourself, everywhere you go. Put reminders on your fridge, in your phone, on your bathroom mirror, on your desk, on your night table.

The reminders need to convey a simple underlying message…

YOU ARE ENOUGH.

Meditate on that for a moment right now.

When was the last time someone told you they loved and respected you just the way you are, and that what you think and how you feel means the world? When was the last time someone told you that you did a great job, or when necessary, that everything is going to be OK. When was the last time that ‘someone’ was YOU?

Today is the day! It’s time to break the self-doubt cycle and remind yourself to treat yourself better! So, to reinforce your newfound “enoughness” practice, here are some simple — but not easy — ways to actually apply it to different aspects of your daily life:

1. Be where you are.

Sadly, only a tiny percentage of the people in this world will actually experience their lives today. So many of us will be stuck on another day, another time and place that troubled us and caused us to spiritually stumble, and thus we will miss out on life as we’re living it. Realize this. Do not allow your spirit to be softened or your happiness to be limited by a time and place you cannot get back to, or a day that does not yet exist.

Remember, no matter what, you can always fight the battles of just today. It’s only when you add the infinite battles of yesterday and tomorrow that life gets overly complicated.

Truth be told, before you know it you’ll be asking, “How did it get so late so soon?” So take time right now to figure yourself out. Take time to realize what you want and need in this moment. Take time to love, to laugh, to cry, to learn, to work, and to move your present self forward.

2. Look deep within.

Remember that there is a place within you that you can go to at any moment. It is calm and full of love. Forget about the noise of the world is reciting to you. Look within. Go there when you are sad. Go there when you are fearful or angry or troubled. Go there when you are alone in your car in hectic traffic, or when you are surrounded by people who intimidate you. And don’t forget to go there when you are happy too.

Remind yourself that you are not your body. You are not your past or future. You are not what others expect of you. The essence of your being is love and it is within you right now.

Your spirit is simply waiting for you to remember this.

So, go to that quiet place in the center of you. Let the deep love and serenity swallow you whole. Everything is always okay, even when it’s not. Let go of the mind’s need to remind you of everything outside that weighs you down. You are none of that. You are at peace in this moment. Breathe. (Note: Angel and I discuss this in more detail in the “Self-Love” chapter of 1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently.)

3. Talk it out.

Ever feel totally out of your element? Like you’re due to be discovered for the “fraud” that you are? This is what psychologists call the “impostor syndrome” — where you constantly feel like everyone around you has their act together, but you don’t. And the more others recognize your achievements, the more you feel like a fake. Because as you enhance your knowledge — as you expand the scope of what you know — you’ll inevitably be exposed to more and more of what you don’t know, and thus you may begin to subconsciously discredit what you do know. It’s a bizarre cycle.

Again, “Impostorism” is, for many of us, a natural symptom of gaining expertise.

Move up the ranks in life, and you’ll inevitably encounter more talented people to compare yourself negatively against.

The cycle never stops, and we all get caught up in it in some way. For example. I’ve personally written over 1,000 self-improvement articles on marcandangel.com that have received millions of page views and social media shares, and praise from a dedicated community of readers and students, but each time I write a new post I think, “Oh boy, this time they’re going to find me out,” as if I’m some low-profile underachiever who doesn’t deserve to be writing or changing lives.

The solution is to talk it out with a trusted friend, partner, or coach. Talk about your insecurities more, and let them do the same. Admittedly, it’s a hard conversation to initiate, so in the mean time just remember that everyone feels like an impostor sometimes — it’s not just you. (Note: Angel and I talk it out with our Getting Back to Happy Course students, one at a time, with immense compassion, every single day. And we would be grateful to work with YOU, too.)

4. Relax the tension.

One of the hardest lessons in life is letting go. Whether it’s feelings of guilt, anger, disappointment, loss or betrayal. Change is never easy. We fight to hold and we fight to let go. But we must eventually let GO. There’s no point in stressing over what you can’t change. Stop over-thinking it. Let it be, and allow yourself to grow from the experience.

Perhaps you’re annoyed by someone, frustrated at work, overwhelmed by all your obligations, or just upset by some aspect of your life. And your tight mental grasp of the circumstance creates a tension in your body and unhappiness in your mind. Therefore, Angel and I often recommend this simple strategy to our course students who are struggling to relieve themselves of their stress and tension:

• Locate the tension in your body right now.
• Notice what you’re resisting and tensing up against — it might be a situation or person you’re dealing with or avoiding.
• Relax the tense area of your body — deep breath and a quick stretch often helps.
• Face the same situation or person, but with a relaxed body and mind.

Repeat this practice as often as needed. Face the day with less tension and more presence. Change your mode of being from one of struggle and grasping to one of peace and freedom.

5. Give yourself credit.

Your inner light is seen. Your heart is heard. Your spirit is treasured by more people than you imagine. If you knew how many others have been touched in profound ways by you, you would be astounded. If you knew how many people feel so much for you, you would be speechless. You are far more brilliant than you think you are.

Stop discrediting yourself for everything you aren’t, and start giving yourself credit for everything that you are.

Behind you is infinite power, before you is endless possibility, around you is boundless opportunity.

Give yourself credit, for all of it…

• You’ve lived
• You’ve learned
• You’ve come a long way
• You’ve survived all your bad days
• You’re still growing

6. Give things space.

“If you want to control your animals, give them a larger pasture.” That’s a quote Angel and I heard at a meditation retreat recently in a group discussion focused on the power of changing your attitude about the things you can’t change or don’t need to change.

I see “the animals” and their “larger pasture” as a form of letting go and allowing things to be the way they are — instead of trying to tightly control something, you’re loosening up, giving it more space, a larger pasture. The animals will be happier — they will roam around and do what they naturally do. And yet your needs will be met too — you will have more space to be at peace with the way the animals are.

This same philosophy holds true for many aspects of life —

stepping back and allowing certain things to happen means these things will take care of themselves, and your needs will also be met. You will have less stress (and less to do), and more time and energy to work on the things that truly matter  — the things you actually can control — like your self-care, and your attitude about everything.

7. Change your response.

What can we do when someone close to us is being annoying, irritating, rude or just generally difficult? What can we do when their negativity brings us down?

Well, assuming we’re not in any sort of real danger and we don’t need to physically protect ourselves, the best choice is often a simple mindset shift.

Rather than trying to change the other person, we change our response to them.

I know that suggestion can be frustrating for some people. Why should we have to make a change when it’s the other person who’s misbehaving?

The key, though, is to understand that with a few simple mindset shifts you can find a lot more peace around just about anyone. But if you try to shift the behavior of others, you’re only going to drive yourself crazy. This is well-illustrated by a metaphor Angel and I heard yesterday from an instructor in a group meditation class:

“Where could I find enough rubber to cover the rocky surface of the world? With just the rubber on the soles of my shoes. Think about it. It’s as if the whole world were covered as I walk. Likewise, I am unable to control external life situations, but I shall control my own mind. What need is there to control anyone or anything else?”

That simple metaphor conveys the truth: the surface of the Earth is rocky and hard to walk on in most places. So, we can try to find a covering for the whole world — which is obviously impossible — or we can simply cover our own feet with rubber-soled shoes, and then walk around peacefully wherever we please.

Similarly, we can either try to control the difficult people around us — another impossibility — or we can control our responses to them.

So,

when you sense negativity coming at you, give it a small push back with a thought like, “That remark (or gesture, or whatever) is not really about me, it’s about you (or the world at large).”

Remember that all people have emotional issues they’re dealing with (just like you), and it makes them rude and downright thoughtless sometimes. They are doing the best they can, or they’re not even aware of their issues.

In any case, you can learn not to interpret their behaviors as personal attacks, and instead see them as non-personal encounters (like the rocky ground under your feet) that you can either respond to effectively when necessary (by putting your figurative shoes on), or not respond to at all.

Be with those who bring out the best in you, not the stress in you.

 

This past Saturday, while Angel and I were enjoying a safe and peaceful backyard barbecue at our friend Sara’s house, her 16-year-old foster child, Cody, received an unexpected visit from his biological mother – a woman who has been in and out of prison and rehab her whole life.

Although Sara was a bit hesitant about it, she let Cody and his mother talk privately on the front porch.

We occasionally eavesdropped from the living room window just to make sure everything was okay.

Cody’s mother was extremely rough around the edges and almost immediately started bringing up hurtful memories from the past.

About 20 minutes into the conversation, she told him, “I see your anger, and I just wish I could go back in time and raise you again, to change who you are and give you a better upbringing.” Sara was about to walk out onto the porch to interject when Cody calmly replied, “I’m not angry. I’m perfectly fine, thank you.

I’m proud of who I am. Maybe you should go even further back in time and change who you are instead.” And then he walked his mother to the front steps of the porch and politely asked her to leave.

Cody’s response impressed me on so many levels. It takes a lot of courage, especially at 16 years of age, with a rough upbringing, to tactfully stand up for yourself.

And he handled himself with grace.

So, whenever you’re dealing with a difficult or hostile person, remember how Cody handled himself.

Take a stand! Set some boundaries! This is your life.

You may not be able to control all the things people do to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them.

You can decide not to let their actions and opinions invade your heart and mind.

And above all, you can decide whom to walk beside into tomorrow, and whom to leave behind today.

It’s time to…

1. Stop letting people drag you into needless arguments. – Never waste your time trying to explain yourself to people who have proven that they are committed to misunderstanding you. And don’t define your intelligence or self-worth by the number of arguments you have won, but by the number of times you have said, “This needless nonsense is not worth my time!” (Angel and I discuss this in detail in the “Boundaries & Expectations” chapter of our brand NEW book 1,000 Little Habits of Happy, Successful Relationships.)
2. Stop letting people drown you with their negativity. – Positivity is a choice. Choose wisely. Be smart enough to walk away from the negativity around you. It is never worth your while, ever, to engage in senseless drama.
3. Stop letting people make you feel ashamed of your scars. – Scars remind us that our past is real and that we have grown beyond it. Every scar has a story. Don’t be afraid to tell it and own it.
4. Stop listening to those who berate you for your honest mistakes. – To grow strong and wise, you must have the courage to make mistakes. Allow yourself to be a beginner. No one starts off being excellent.
5. Stop letting others blind you from YOUR truth. – Today, the only person you should try to be better than is the person you were yesterday. Prove yourself to yourself, not others.
6. Stop letting people bully you. – Bullying is not OK. Period. There is no freedom on Earth that gives someone the right to assault who you are as a person. Sadly, some people just won’t be happy until they’ve pushed your ego to the ground and stomped on it. What you have to do is have the nerve to stand your ground. Don’t give them any leeway. Nobody has the power to make you feel small unless you give them that power.
7. Stop letting friends be untrue to you. – What is a true friend? Someone who loves you just the way you are, but still inspires you to be a better person. BE a true friend to others, and keep only true friends close to you.
8. Stop letting the same people lie to you over and over again. – If someone fools you once, shame on them. If someone fools you twice, shame on you. If you catch someone lying to you, speak up. Some people will lie to you repeatedly in a vicious effort to get you to repeat their lies over and over until they effectively become true. Don’t partake in their nonsense. Don’t let their lies be your reality.
9. Stop letting people take advantage of you. – Sometimes people don’t notice the things we do for them until we stop doing them. This is NOT right! Realize this. You deserve better. You deserve to be with people who make you smile – friends who don’t take you for granted – friends who won’t leave you hanging.
10. Stop letting people treat you like a back-up plan. – Don’t settle to simply be someone’s downtime, spare time, part-time, or sometimes. If they can’t reliably be there for you when you need them most, they’re not worth your time.
11. Stop letting the wrong people get between you and the right ones. – Don’t let the people who refuse to love you keep you from the people who do love you. Spend time with those who make your world a little brighter simply by being in it. Someday you will either regret not doing so, or you will say, “I’m glad I did.”
12. Stop letting hateful people motivate you to hate them back. – As Gandhi once said, “An eye for an eye will only make the whole world blind.” Regardless of how despicable another has acted, never let hate build in your heart. Fighting hatred with hatred only hurts you more. When you decide to hate someone you automatically begin digging two graves: one for your enemy and one for yourself. (Read The Four Agreements.)
13. Stop letting people leave grudges in your mind. – Remember, the first to apologize is the bravest. The first to forgive is the strongest. The first to move forward is the happiest. Always.
14. Stop letting people use your past to poison your present. – Life is too short to tirelessly struggle with old news and those who refuse to let it go. Some people cannot stand that you’re moving on with your life and so they will try to drag your past to catch up with you. Do not help them by acknowledging their behavior. Keep moving forward. Practice acceptance and forgiveness. Letting go of the past is your first step to happiness.
15. Stop letting people convince you that change is a bad thing. – The things we can’t change often end up changing us. This change happens for a reason. Roll with it. It won’t be easy, but it will be worth it in the end.
16. Stop letting people steer you away from meaningful pursuits. – If you can smile when no one else is around, you really mean it. So don’t let other people get between you and the ideas and activities that truly move you.
17. Stop letting people dump on your dreams. – Life will test you to see how serious you are about pursuing a particular path. And sooner or later you may face negative feedback from others. When this happens, remember not to let anyone crush your spirit. If you are passionate about something, pursue it, no matter what anyone else thinks. That’s how dreams are achieved.
18. Stop letting naysayers talk you out of putting in the extra effort. – Hard times often lead to greatness. Keep the faith. It will be worth it in the end. The beginnings to great things are always the hardest.
19. Stop letting people convince you of their quick-fix schemes. – Anything worth achieving takes time and dedicated effort. Period. Honestly, I used to believe that making wishes and saying prayers changed things, but now I know that wishes and prayers change us, and WE change things. (Angel and I discuss this in detail in the “Goals & Success” chapter of 1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently.)
20. Stop letting people tell you that you need more to be happy. – Thankfulness is the start of happiness. Be sure to appreciate what you’ve got. Be thankful for the little things in life that mean a lot.