SELF

WORTH

a sense of one's own value as a human being

 

 

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What is Self-Worth and How Do We Increase it?

 

Chances are, you’ve heard of the many, many “self-” words.

There’s self-esteem, self-compassion, self-acceptance, self-respect, self-confidence, self-love, self-care, and so on.

 

There are so many words to describe how we feel about ourselves, how we think about ourselves, and how we act toward ourselves.

It’s understandable if they all start to blend together for you; however, they are indeed different concepts with unique meanings, findings, and purposes.

 

Read on to learn more about what may be the most vital “self-” concept of them all: self-worth.

 

Before you read on, we thought you might like to download our 3 Self-Compassion Exercises for free.

 

These detailed, science-based exercises will not only help you show more compassion and kindness to yourself but will also give you the tools to help your clients, students or employees improve their self-compassion and realize their worth.

 

You can download the free PDF here.

 

 

 

Prove To The Universe That You’re Ready To Go All In, And See How Quickly Your Life Changes

You have to become the kind of person who deserves the life you want.

By Brianna Wiest

 

Photo of Deep-Sky Object

 

It is not enough just to ask.

It is not enough just to visualize the outcome, to imagine your next level life, to know with complete clarity what it is you want.

It is not enough.

 

It is not enough just to talk.

You have to show up, and you have to keep showing up.

You have to become the kind of person who deserves the life you want.

 

You have to start behaving as though you already have the thing you so deeply desire, and the Universe will reorient itself to make it so.

 

This isn’t random.

It isn’t black magic.

The truth is that if you behave like a leader, over time, you become a leader.

The truth is that if you behave like a successful professional, over time, you become a successful professional.

If you behave like a good spouse, over time, you become a good spouse.

It works the opposite way, too.

If you behave like someone who is defeated and unproductive, you will become that, too.

 

And so the best and most productive thing you can possibly do with your life is ask yourself: How would someone who is really good at ___________ react?

What would they do?

 

How would someone who is successful act?

How is someone who is happy act?

How is someone who is fulfilled act

What would they do?

What would they think?

How would they respond?

 

You have to prove to the Universe that you’re ready to go all in.

 

You have to prove to the Universe that you’re willing to do the dirty work of love before they hand you the soulmate.

Because a person who just wants a rush of lust isn’t ready to commit to a flawed and imperfect person.

Prove to the Universe that you’re willing to write the book before you get the deal, prove to the Universe that you’re willing to do the work even when you’re exhausted.

Because the next time you’re handed an opportunity, you’re going to waste it if you aren’t ready to go all in. You’re going to let it slide by if you’re not willing to do the work.

 

We are handed the keys to our next level, to our future life, every day, all of the time.

The trouble is that we don’t want to take the journey.

We love the idea and not the reality.

And so we get nowhere.

 

If you want to change your life, you need to prove to the Universe that you are ready to become the kind of person who can handle what you are asking for.

You have to show the world you are ready, you are responsible, and most of all, you are willing.

 

Because leveling up requires a strong foundation to hold it, and our inner work needs to be able to sustain our outer development.

 

It is not enough to ask for the life that you want.

You have to prove to the Universe that you’re ready to go all in, and watch just how fast everything starts to shift.

 

Constantly Reinventing Yourself Is an Underrated Way to Live

Three ways to push the boundaries of who you can be

 
Enjoy today! - Kristin's Great Times

Every two years, I fall flat on my face — on purpose.

 

I’ll work my way to getting fired from a job or even quit just for the hell of it.

I’ll end a romantic relationship when things probably could have been repaired.

I’ll change the way I earn money from various side hustles. I’ll go from suit jackets to hoodies to see if I feel any different.

None of the changes are necessary, or even the “best” decisions per se, but each change keeps me from getting bored and helps me live a different way.

 

Until recently, I never dissected the reason why I reinvent myself on a regular basis.

Then I came across a quote from the writer Derek Sivers: “The way to live is to regularly reinvent yourself.”

 

Of course, there can be value in sticking with something that’s hard or no longer exciting, but we tend to focus too much on remaining true to one lifelong self.

Sivers argues that we should change our preferences, opinions, and usual responses. He writes on his website, “I usually try the opposite of whatever I did before.”

 

As he explains, doing what you’ve always done is bad for your brain.

Personal reinvention is necessary to stay interesting to yourself.

Because if you’re bored of who you are, then you’re unlikely to inspire positivity in others.

 

Here are a few ways to reinvent yourself right now:

Change jobs for the hell of it

Jobs get boring.

It’s why there are so many people using LinkedIn to switch jobs all the time.

An existing employer has already got used to you being part of the furniture, so they hedge their bets that you won’t leave.

They know that new experiences are challenging and figure you won’t want to take the risk.

New companies, on the other hand, feel lucky to have you join and there’s greater potential for you to create the position you envision.

 

Change where you live

When you change your city, all of your familiar surroundings disappear.

You have to find new coffee shops, take different roads, talk to new neighbors, meet new dogs, walk-in different parks.

A town can feel like a prison if you overstay your welcome.

 

It’s nice to live in different places and experience new cultures.

With work from home being the new norm, you no longer have to be tied to an inner-city suburb so you can be close to a physical office where you clock in and clock out each day.

Offices are part of the industrial age.

We’re in a new era.

 

Ditch your current habits

Sticking with habits is great — until you find better ones.

When I get bored with life, I rewrite my habits in a notepad file titled “ideal day.”

To help me return to the present, I used to meditate and go to the gym.

Now I walk and read books.

Throw away your habits like you’d annual clean.

Return to the habits you miss.

 

Publish entirely different content on social media

Social media is self-expression.

It helps you arrange your thinking if nothing else.

As you journey through life there are opportunities to tweak what you do online.

I started solely sharing ideas about self-improvement.

Later I added lessons from various side hustles.

At one point, I realized the time I spent working for a bank held a lot of experience people wanted to know about.

I then used social media to make a complex topic like finance simple for average people who didn’t study economics at Harvard.

 

Push the boundaries of topics you share online.

As you create content about a new topic, you grow from the learnings.

 

 

This Is Why You Don’t Know Yourself

It isn’t your fault, but it’s your responsibility to change.

Understanding Yourself - Lessons - Blendspace

 

I don’t know what I want anymore.
 

After I get a pay raise, I want to work harder.

After I win a Jiu-Jitsu tournament, I want to go all-in on my “real life Dragon Ball” dream and sleep on a mat chasing world titles for a living.

After I write something I’m proud of, I want to move to a cabin in the woods and become the next Hunter S. Thompson — minus all the cocaine, of course.

 

My problem isn’t that I have no interests or even that I have too many interests.

My problem is that I’m chasing the dopamine.

 

I just want to go wherever I’m going to feel the best, and because I do so many different things, the thing that makes me feel best is always changing.

I’m more impulsive and less self-aware than I thought I was, and external influences like my family, peers, and of course, social media really aren’t helping me figure it out.

 

But a false sense of self-awareness isn’t just my problem, either.

There’s research that suggests that close to 80% of people lack true self-awareness, though 95% of people believe they’re self-aware.

Obviously, the laboratory definition of self-awareness isn’t everything, but it’s still a compelling figure that leads to an important question: are you like “most people”?

 

Is your self-awareness a lie?

You probably won’t want to admit it, but it’s very easy to fake emotional intelligence and self-awareness without even realizing that the one you’re fooling most is yourself.

In a world that’s devoid of deep meaning and a true encouragement for spiritual connection, are you “Tyler Dryden-ing” yourself to survive the day?

 

What Do You Really Want?

If you don’t know what you really want, you’re not alone.

Unfortunately, however, you’re also going to be highly susceptible to the influence of people around you, emerging technology, and worse of all your own biochemical brainwashing.

When it comes to external influencing, lost minds are the same as weak minds.

 

Most of the kids that I grew up with are for the most part following a very similar track in their early twenties.

Most of them went to college, got degrees, went to a lot of football games, drank obscene amounts of cheap beer, and now are either getting Master’s degrees or working corporate jobs.

 

I don’t have hard data on this, but if you’d like, I can show you my LinkedIn connections list.

But why is everyone doing the “same thing”?

Could it be because they all want the same thing?

 

Am I wrong in thinking that most people are lying to themselves about what they want out of life?

 

It’s completely possible.

I certainly don’t know everything there is to know about growth, self-awareness, and emotional intelligence.

However, I’m also fairly certain that there’s a lack of introspection that happens amongst young people, and so it doesn’t really surprise me that many people are funneling themselves through life following “traditional” paths that correlate to high rates of burnout and chronic mental illness.

 

But unfortunately, high rates of professionals are caused by a much deeper and more complex conundrum than just a lack of introspection.

It’s going to take more than a week off or a spiritual retreat to really get to know yourself, especially because getting to know yourself today is harder than it’s ever been.

 

It’s Getting Harder to Know Yourself

When you imagine your identity, what words come to mind?

 

I’ll go first: I’m a white, heterosexual man, a son, an ADHD person, a copywriter, a writer, an athlete, a teacher, and a martial artist.

This might sound like a lot of (albeit not very diverse) hats, but really these are just words that I use in order to help my peers and me understand my place in the world.

In reality, these words don’t mean anything about my level of self-awareness or how well I “know myself”.

It takes no self-awareness to label yourself.

 

It might sound corny, but true inner self-awareness goes far beyond the confines of language and social understanding.

It’s also really hard to attain.

 

I’ll make a bold claim: most people don’t know themselves.

 

Part of the reason why could be because modern society does not encourage introspection and writes it off as “hippie liberal mumbo jumbo”, but really the root of a lack of cultural self-awareness goes much deeper than the toxic, over-complained about hustle culture.

 

Perhaps the real reason that it’s so difficult to know yourself in the modern world is that there is just too much that you can be.

To make matters more complicated, many parts of your identity are socially constructed both by you and your peers.

The world around you is always changing (now faster than ever), and so is your identity.

 

The crisis comes when these identity evolutions are happening too fast for our brains to fully comprehend.

The human mind evolved over hundreds of thousands of years, what makes you think you can figure yours out in a day, week, or even year?

 

The Reason to Play the Game Is to Be Free of It

The biggest philosophical lesson that I’ve learned in the past 6 months is that the “self” as we know it is an illusion.

I freakin’ love this idea.

 

In Western culture, we’re obsessed with self-awareness and self-discovery.

This seems great, but really, we’re obsessed with something that doesn’t even exist outside of the confines of consensual human fiction.

 

Our obsession with identity as a concept is both an individual and societal roadblock that is blocking humanity from reaching a collectively higher rate of “self-awareness”, happiness, and perhaps even spiritual evolution.

 

The confines of what constitutes an identity are always changing.

For example, if you asked a farmer from the 1500s to “identify himself”, he’d have far fewer determining aspects of himself to choose from and even fewer aspirations.

People just didn’t have the same options for self-expression in the 1500s as someone does today.

 

This does not make the farmer from 1500 more self-aware or less self-aware.

If anything, it means that he was playing the self-awareness game with a multitude of missing pieces. The answer says more about the game than the player.

Perhaps today, we are playing the same self-awareness game with so many pieces that we’ve gotten distracted from the reason that we started playing in the first place — to improve the human condition.

 

Human beings come in all shapes, sizes, genders, orientations, colors, and creeds.

The reason that we “identify ourselves” is to both understand ourselves and the world around us and collectively improve the human experience.

Though the self might be an illusion, it’s a very important one.

Your identity is important because it allows you to both connect with and separate yourself from the world around you.

 

Individuality is important, especially if you’re on a team.

To “know yourself” isn’t really to discover everything that’s lurking in each corner of your psyche.

To truly know yourself is to take each aspect of yourself that’s already there and to accept it, regardless of consequence.

The self may be an illusion, but you won’t be able to understand that until you’ve accepted your “self”.

 

Closing Thoughts

Don’t let my fancy philosophy rant fool you, I’m not as self-aware as I come off to be.

That was a tough but necessary pill for me to swallow.

 

However, by realizing and accepting that, I’m becoming more self-aware.

The more self-aware I become, the less necessity I have for my “self” because I’m more connected to the deeper sense of purpose that drives me every day.

 

The more I accept my identity, the less I’m fighting it and the less it matters.

 

That, in my understanding, the first step to peace and progress.

Whether it’s writing, martial arts, or just being a kind human being, there are plenty of worthwhile pursuits that I can be doing even without a resounding sense of self-mastery or self-awareness.

 

If anything, these are the things I should be doing in order to pursue self-mastery and a connection with the heart of my consciousness.

 

There’s undeniably something magical about the human experience that can’t be explained with the labels that society and language have created for us.

Maybe the disconnect that we have from that hidden magic is the real reason a deep sense of self-understanding is eluding us in the first place.

 

 

 

   Just being here, being ourselves, is enough.

Most of us have the feeling that we are here to accomplish something big in our lives, and if we haven't done something that fits the bill we may feel as if we are waiting.

 

We may feel incomplete, or empty as if our lives don't yet make sense to us, because they don't line up with our idea of major accomplishment.

In some cases, this may be because we really are meant to do something that we haven't yet done. But in most cases, we can let ourselves off the hook with the realization that just being here, being ourselves, is enough. 

As we live our lives in this world, we share our energy and our spirit with the people around us in numerous ways.

 

Our influence touches their lives and, through them, touches the lives of many more people.

 

When we strive to live our lives to the fullest and to become our true selves, we are doing something big on an inner level, and that is more than enough to make sense of our being here on this planet at this time.

 

There is no need to hold ourselves to an old idea in the back of our minds that we need to make headlines or single-handedly save the world in order to validate our existence. 

We can each look within our hearts to discover what is true for us, what gives our lives meaning, and what excites us.

We can release ourselves from any pressure to perform that comes from outside of our inner sense of purpose.

 

Staying in tune with our own values and living our lives in tune with our own vision is all we need in order to fulfill our time here.

Our lives are a process of becoming so that we cannot help but cocreate; being who we are, responding to each moment as it comes, we can trust that this is enough. 

 

You Are Enough
 
 
   

 

 

Why “Be Yourself” Is Terrible Advice (And What You Should Do Instead)

Be the person you want to be.

 

Anthony J. YeungAnthony J. Yeung

 

“Just be yourself” is one of those phrases that belong in the Hall of Fame of clichéd advice.

 

Struggling with life?

Frustrated with your career?

Settling for less in your dating and relationships?

The common suggestion is that you should “be yourself” and, magically, you’ll do just fine.

 

False.

 

In reality, “being yourself” seriously limits your results and stunts your personal development and growth. I’ll explain why this advice holds you back, exactly who you should “be” instead, and the simple steps to become that person so you can reap all the benefits. Here’s how:

 

Why “Being Yourself” Holds You Back

There’s a lot of codewords that mean the same thing as “just be yourself:”

  • “Be true to yourself.”
  • “Do what speaks to you.”
  • “Do what feels right.”

On the surface, it seems like nice advice to trust yourself and your instincts; but in reality, it reinforces a fixed mindset, entrenches you in your current situation, and justifies your personality and results in life:

 

“People believe they have an “authentic” self — their “truth” — which is who they should be true to... This line of thinking leads people to saying things like, “I need to be true to myself. I shouldn’t have to deny myself of how I’m feeling. I shouldn’t have to lie to myself. I should be able to do what feels right to me.” Although well-meaning, this thinking reflects a fixed mindset… I know many people who now, as maturing adults, are choosing limiting lives in the name of “authenticity” and being “real” with themselves.”

— Dr. Benjamin Hardy

 

This begs the question: What if “yourself” has poor, self-destructive traits? Or at a less-extreme level, what if “yourself” is awkward, boring, or unambitious?

Then, you probably shouldn’t be yourself because, if you do what you’ve always done, you’ll get the results you’ve always gotten.

 

For example, 12 years ago, I would’ve described myself as introverted, socially awkward, skinny, resentful, and angry. (Sure, I had positive qualities too, but those negative adjectives were pretty damn accurate.)

 

If I just tried to “be myself,” I would’ve never made any effort to change.

Instead, I would’ve clung to the life I had—and kept repeating the same mistakes and patterns—rather than abandon it for a better life. I would’ve never worked to transform my personality and I would’ve blocked my own progress and growth:

 

“If authenticity is the value you prize most in life, there’s a danger that you’ll stunt your own development. When I was in grad school, a friend asked me to give a guest lecture for her class. I was terrified of public speaking, but I wanted to be helpful, so I agreed… It was brutal. One student wrote that I was so nervous I was causing the whole class to physically shake in their seats. My authentic self was not a fan of public speaking. But I started volunteering to give more guest lectures, knowing it was the only way to get better. I wasn’t being true to myself, I was being true to the self I wanted to become.” [emphasis added]

— Adam Grant, Ph.D.

 

“Being yourself” doesn’t show you how to achieve what you want and it doesn’t motivate you to reach beyond your comfort zone and try new strategies.

(Thankfully, even 21-year-old Anthony knew “being yourself” was shitty advice so he actually worked to improve himself.)

 

Finally, the fact is who you “are” actually depends on your context:

Your personality reflects your environment and its norms, rules, traditions, expectations, and more. Thus, “being yourself” is meaningless because “yourself” isn’t static—it’s always evolving even if you feel the same.

 

“Human beings are works in progress that mistakenly think they’re finished. The person you are right now is as transient, as fleeting and as temporary as all the people you’ve ever been. The one constant in our lives is change.”

— Daniel Gilbert, Ph.D.

 

At this point, some of you might be thinking, “Well, if you don’t want me to be myself, then do you want me to be someone else?

Not quite.

Instead of telling you to “be yourself,” here’s some far better life advice:

 

Be the person you want to be.

 

Who is your dream self?

What are they doing?

How are they living?

 

It’s infinitely more powerful to be this person through your behaviors and actions than to “be yourself” and cement your current way of life.

Best of all, once you become the person you want to be, you’ll have all the things you want to have.

 

Here’s how to become this person:

 

How to Become the Person You Want to Be

“The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are.”

— Carl Jung

 

Step 1: Define Your Ideal Life

Many people have no idea what they want.

They might say a few clichéd things like “be happy,” “travel,” “retire early,” etc., but their goals are vague (at best) or things that other people told them to want (at worst).

 

Become the person you want to attract | Seacret, Paraben free products, Seacret direct products

 

Instead, define what you want and be very specific.

 

Try describing your ideal life:

What’s your ideal relationship partner like?

What’s your ideal career?

What’s your ideal lifestyle?

 

Be detailed and think about what you really want, not what you think you should want.

The point of this exercise isn’t to make it happen with 100% accuracy; the point is to understand what is important to you and give you direction.

 

Step 2: Be Honest With Yourself

 

You Want to Speed Up Your Manifestation? Do This! – JOY by Janell

Answer this question:

Based on who you are at this very moment, can you achieve this ideal lifestyle?

Yes or no. (No “maybe.”)

Can you honestly achieve your ideal life based on where you are right now?

For many people, the answer will be a difficult, “No.”

For many people, they’ll see a huge gap between “who they currently are” and “their dream life.”

 

Step 3: Become The Person Of Your Dreams

 

it's all about the first person that you wanna tel... - Museum-Quality Poster 16x16in by emiledi77 - Boldomatic Shop

It took me years to understand this powerful lesson:

 

The best way to get the life of your dreams is to become the person of your dreams.

 

Many people only focus on getting what they want without realizing that every journey starts from within.

As a result, they do nothing to improve, which is the equivalent of saying, “I want my dream life, but I don’t want to do anything differently to get it.”

 

Instead, define who you have to be in order to achieve your ideal life.

This step is the most important of all.

What are your values?

What personality do you need to have?

What are you working on?

How do you take care of yourself?

Be very detailed.

 

Life is a movie: You’re the director and you write the script.

You decide who you’re going to be.

If you’re struggling in life and upset with your lack of results, what are you going to do about it?

 

Yes, it’s hard work to become this person.

Yes, there’s no guarantee you’ll get exactly what you want.

But as you work on yourself, improve yourself, and become the person you want to be, the odds you’ll achieve your dream life will skyrocket — and you’ll know you manifested it.

 

So stop “being yourself” and start “being your dream self.”

Your dream life awaits.

 

 

 

 

What It Means To Be Gentle With Yourself

“Be kind to yourself” is a cliché, but there are real habits for doing it that can move you forward

Sean McBride
Be Gentle with Yourself - Tiny Buddha

I was dropping my best pal home after work, sitting outside her house in the car, when I finally lost control and broke down.

I couldn’t hide the tears anymore as they stung my eyes and rolled down my face.

 

I hadn’t slept in days; I was utterly exhausted and felt physically sick.

I hated myself for not being able to do the job they’d given me to do.

Choking back the tears and sobbing, I told my pal about the informal warning I’d just received from my boss.

 

Hardly the behavior you’d expect of a senior manager in a global telecommunications corporation but, at that moment, I had ceased to be that person.

 

Though I didn’t know it then, I’d never be that person again.

I would describe the four months which followed as ‘the crisis stage.’

At that time, I was barely able to do anything for myself and needed the constant help of a network of people around me.

I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression and was prescribed medication to help with this.

I had signed off work sick and eventually, my position became redundant.

 

That was over 18 months ago and, since then, I’ve managed to like myself enough to reinvent myself. Though I still feel as if I’m only at the start of a long journey, I’ve started to change.

 

That senior manager in the corporate world who hated himself has started to emerge as a writer who at least understands himself.

This is the story of the steps I happened upon which helped me along the way.

 

Live in the Moment

Much of my time had been spent in reflection trying to learn lessons from my past.

But all I was doing was reliving so much guilt from the things I’d got wrong.

 

When I tried to look forward and plan, fear tended to pin me down.

My critical self constantly reminded me that I was neither capable nor worthy of anything too successful.

As much the lesser of the evils as anything else, I started to realize that there was not too much to hate about myself if I simply contemplated the person I was in the present.

That was the first spark of light in the darkness.

 

I’ll discuss the counseling I received and how it helped me break free from the shackles of the past and the future later in this post.

For now, however, I just want to share a powerful technique I learned that enabled me to bring myself into the present moment.

 

I learned a technique called grounding.

I found this to be a good technique to bring me out of times when I was either feeling excessively guilty about things I’d done or fearful of things that might come up.

 

The technique involves thinking of or even saying out loud what your senses are feeling at any given moment.

“I can see the computer screen in front of me.

I can feel the sway of my swivel chair.

I can hear the click of the letters on my keyboard….”

 

I remember receiving an angry email from a neighbor.

Before I knew it, my head was in court defending all kinds of charges.

My heart rate was up; my breathing shallow, and I found it hard to concentrate on anything other than trying to defend myself.

 

This was a great example of a time where using the technique of grounding brought me right back to the safety of my living room.

 

Of course, I realize it’s never as easy as just deciding you need to live in the present.

Medical conditions such as addictions or psychological conditions such as PTSD can make that simply impossible without professional help.

 

What I do know, however, is that living in the present became my first step in achieving some self-compassion.

 

The Soul Feels its Worth : An Advent Devotional Through the Music and Scriptures of Handel's Messiah (Hardcover) - Walmart.com - Walmart.com

 

You Are Enough

I started to read to help me write.

It was while working through the logic of Ant Middleton’s book “The Fear Bubble: Harness Fear and Live Without Limit” that I came across another heartbreaking moment of self-awareness: I realized just how much self-hate I was nurturing.

 

In “The Fear Bubble,” Ant describes the notion of being stuck in a corridor, trapped by our fear and surrounded by doors that could take us off in a different direction.

In true SAS style, we are encouraged to kick these doors in and set off on the new life waiting behind them.

 

I realized that I’d been kicking those doors in for years.

Every time I did, I saw a sad, tearful reflection of myself on the other side.

I’d slam the door in my face and storm off down the corridor looking for something better.

 

It broke my heart when I realized that every time I’d seen myself in the past 30 years, I’d dismissed what I’d seen as not good enough.

No wonder that guy was so tearful!

 

Conjuring that image finally helped me to start to see something very important.

 

There is no ‘better’ me and equally, there’s no need for one.

 

I don’t need to be richer, lighter, more successful, or better dressed.

I need to work with the forgetful, scruffy disorganized guy reflected behind those doors because that is the same guy with the imagination, the dream, and the soul to write.

 

Before I could fully accept the bad and the good in myself, however, I personally required some counseling.

My counselor helped me to understand and forgive myself for the mistakes of my past.

This helped to reduce the feelings of guilt and to break the habit of pulling them into my current life.

 

For example, she pointed out that, like chameleons changing their color to blend in with their surroundings, we all tend to adapt our behavior to the situation we are in.

The person I am down at the pub with my mates is not the same person I am when I’m sitting at home with my daughters.

 

As a soldier, I had been put in a place where others wanted to kill me, and I was trained and equipped to kill them if necessary.

I’d hated the person I’d become in that environment.

It almost destroyed me.

It helped when I realized that this was a person I’d been to survive in that environment and not the complete picture of who I am.

 

It was time to stop beating myself up for the bad habits that never seemed to change and accept that I would never be perfect.

So what if I slept late in the mornings for example?

It wasn’t actually laziness; it was because I also stayed up late at night.

As a writer, I could just go with that.

As long as I put in the hours, it didn’t matter so much when the working day started and when it ended.

 

Life became so much brighter when I realized I had to work with the bad as well as the good.

All of me was all I had and that was more than enough.

 

Find the Treasure Within

Becoming aware that I needed to forgive myself for my bad traits opened my mind to consider what was good about myself.

During one of our sessions, my counselor pointed out that I seemed to light up when I talked about my daughters.

That observation really made my day.

 

Even though my daughters are all adults themselves now, I like to think that I’m still able to help out with a lot of the problems they face in life.

It’s been said that you never stop being a parent no matter how old your children get.

I completely agree with that.

 

More than just helping the girls, I love to nurture the better parts of their nature.

Not just help them with life’s problems — but to inspire them.

Get them fired up.

As I’ve always done since they were babies, I love to make them laugh.

 

Both mine and my best pal’s family loved to hear our stories when we came back from our business trips.

I’d accidentally sprayed her in the eye with suntan cream on one of our trips.

On another, I’d thrown her into a ditch to ‘save’ her from a cow I was scared of.

But, in balance, we’d often cried with laughter at the various adventures we encountered when we traveled.

 

I realized that everyone I love always seems to be smiling when I’m around.

Not just smiles that I ‘give’ them but smiles and laughter that we share.

This is a huge part of who I am and what I have to offer the world.

To help people relate, feel comfortable instead of awkward, maybe even inspired, and always, smile.

 

Becoming a writer became the opportunity to share all of these things. Just like that, I realized I had a mission. I’d found the best of me and wanted to share that with the world.

 

Of course, we’re not all comedians or coaches.

But whether it’s practical skills, common sense, nurturing, or scientific genius, acknowledging the best bits about yourself is a very empowering thing to do.

 

I am sure there are many ways to do this.

As a first step, however, you should definitely open your mind to contemplate your positive side.

 

Moving On

Through counseling, I was also encouraged to recognize the voice of my critical self and to argue with it.

I had to challenge those limiting beliefs and rationalize what I wanted to do.

 

I love my work as a writer.

In writing, I can express my deepest self and do something I’ve always been drawn to and always wanted to do.

 

My critical self would look at the lack of pay.

Each rejection note resounded around my mind to further indicate that I wasn’t good enough to do this.

I had to force myself to acknowledge the successes.

 

The feedback from some of the readers and the positive comments from editors. I had to make the inner argument that these things, coupled with my enjoyment and aptitude for writing outweighed the rejection notes.

Rejection notes, after all, are as much a part of a writer's life as paycheques.

 

So those are the three big steps I have taken to get back to a place where I can believe in myself and even enjoy the world around me.

 

Live in the moment, realize that you are more than good enough, warts and all, and get to know the treasure that is within you that you can share with the world.

 

For sure these are big steps, and possibly some of the hardest ones you may ever have to take.

They may not be for everyone.

There are countless ways to get back up on your feet when you’ve been knocked down.

By taking these, however, I came to know who I am, then to love, and finally to be that person.

 

 

Self-Worth: How To Be Yourself by Valuing Yourself

 

We all know that people who have higher levels of self-worth tend to be happier. They tend to assert themselves more confidently, and they feel more comfortable in their own skin.

However, you may not have given much thought to the connection between self-worth and being yourself.

If you're not confident about who you are, you put a lot of energy into trying to project an image.

Doing this will hinder you from trying to get to know yourself.

 

But what should you do if you have low self-worth?

How can you improve this, and use your newfound acceptance of yourself to foster personal development?

 

This article on self-worth and authenticity will help you work on valuing yourself more appropriately.

 

We'll consider key signs that your self-worth is currently low and work our way through a range of powerful changes you can make in order to enhance your self-worth.

 

How Do You Define Self Worth?

How Do You Define Self Worth1First, what exactly is self-worth?

You can think of it as feeling and believing that you deserve to be treated compassionately and respectfully.

If you have healthy levels of self-worth, you're able to see yourself as a good person.

 

You should know that your value doesn't just revolve around what you can do for other people and showing up for them the way you think they want you to show up.

 

Self-worth is intimately connected with self-valuing behaviors.

 

This means holding healthy boundaries with others, expecting reciprocity in relationships, and knowing what you need to put yourself first.

 

However, many of us go through painful and belittling experiences that make it hard for us to have robust self-worth.

 

Signs You’re Experiencing Low Self-Worth

Signs You’re Experiencing Low Self-Worth1Perhaps you suspect that your self-worth isn't all that it could be, and you've started to wonder what kind of impact that might be having on your mental health and your self-knowledge.

 

What kinds of thoughts, feelings, and actions should you look out for in order to measure low self-worth?

 

While this sort of difficulty looks subtly different for everyone, there are certain key signs that most people exhibit.

 

If you frequently notice one or more of the following signs, there's a good chance that you have low self-worth and could benefit from changing the way you relate to yourself.

 

Changing Yourself For Others

Change Yourself 1If you have low self-worth, you'll think that acceptance is conditional.

 

In other words, you'll believe that you have to act and be a certain way to receive love and respect.

Consequently, you'll find yourself changing all the time to fit in with others, meet their needs, or be who you imagine they want you to be.

 

You should know you shouldn't have to change yourself for others.

Surround yourself with people with who you feel comfortable being your authentic self and as time progresses, it will become easier being yourself with others.

 

Seeking Approval From Others

Seeking approval from othersRelatedly, low self-worth leads to seeking reassurance and love, even if it's for an artificial self that is projected in order to gain approval.

 

You might need friends, family, and partners to repeatedly affirm their attachment. 

Affirmation is a love language however it shouldn't be used to constantly seek a boost of self-esteem.

You may also need others to validate your decisions before you feel confident in making them.

 

Not Communicating Your Needs

Not communicating your needsIf you think you aren't deserving of consistent love and respect, you'll likely be anxious about telling people what you really want and need.

 

You can’t show vulnerability or be your authentic self. After all, if you do that, perhaps they'll reject you.

People with low self-worth typically think it is safer to stay quiet, rather than risk annoying someone or putting them off.

 

Allowing Others To Take Advantage Of You

Take advantage of youPerhaps you let people disrespect you because you suspect they're right to view you as a disposal or to characterize you in a negative light.

Or you just constantly fall into a pattern of people taking advantage of you but simply not acknowledging it.

You may even be grateful that these people are still in your life at all, even though they don't treat you with kindness.

 

No Self-Love

No self loveFundamentally, if you lack self-worth you probably don't think you deserve love or even know how to love yourself.

You might think of all kinds of different reasons why this is the case, often comparing yourself to others and noticing ways in which you believe you come up short.

 

Self-love is a foundation that will reflect positively in all areas of your life.

 

No Healthy Boundaries

No healthy boundariesIt's hard to set firm rules with people when you don't really think you deserve to be treated well.

As such, if you have low self-worth you probably let others set all the terms and conditions for your interactions, even if these seem inconsistent or feel bad.

 

Setting healthy boundaries is important and will set the tone of your interaction with others. Remember, respecting yourself will help others respect you too.

 

No Self-Belief

No self beliefAlmost everyone with low self-worth also lacks self-belief.

You probably find it difficult to trust that you can succeed, that you are talented or that you can change.

You simply just don't believe in yourself.

 

Instead, you stay in your comfort zone, missing many opportunities for development and growth.

 

Being Afraid And Not Being Yourself

Being afraidFinally, one way you might describe feelings of low self-worth is by saying “I never act like myself.”

 

If you're almost certain that the real, authentic you will be ridiculed or rejected, you'll live in fear of anyone discovering your true self.

In time, this can lead you to lose touch with that true self altogether and you might end up feeling unfulfilled.

Being your authentic self will bring people into your life that will love and appreciate you for who you are.

 

How To Know Your Self-Worth

 

Armed with a clear idea of what low self-worth looks like, let's now turn to how you can gradually strengthen and enhance your self-worth.

 

While this kind of transformation doesn't happen overnight, there are changes you can start making today that can almost immediately transform your thoughts and feelings.

 

And as your self-worth grows, so too will your sense of self – your understanding of who you are, what you really want, and what you're capable of achieving.

 

Self Awareness

self awareness1To have self-worth, you need to have a solid sense of who you are, and then work to have a positive attitude towards that person.

 

There are dozens of things you can do to facilitate the relevant sort of self-awareness here.

One of the most effective ways is learning how to journal and make it a daily habit.

Write a page and honestly reflecting on your experiences and on how you feel.

This helps you develop the habit of checking in with yourself without judgment, and without focusing on pleasing others.

 

An exercise you can do is simply check in with yourself every couple of hours.

Challenge yourself to come up with three words to describe how you are.

 

Again, this just gets you into the habit of honestly looking at what's going on inside you, without an agenda.

In addition, note that forgiveness is another crucial component of self-awareness.

 

It's healthy to recognize our mistakes, but allow yourself to move on rather than perpetually beating yourself up about them.

 

Recognize that you've understood what you did, why you did it, and how to avoid repeating the same mistake. Then grant yourself the same forgiveness and clean slate that you would give someone you love.

 

Self Love

Self love1While self-awareness focuses on building up an understanding of who you are, self-love is all about having a genuinely positive attitude toward that person.

What do you like about yourself?

While it may not come naturally to think about this, consider the question genuinely and try to come up with at least ten things.

 

They don't need to be big – start with anything at all that makes you feel proud, then go from there.

 

Self-love also involves doing things for yourself just because they bring you joy.

 

Whether you set aside a few hours, a day, or a weekend a month for this, try to spend some focused time indulging yourself in this way.

 

Again, take the emphasis away from pleasing others, from meeting their needs, and creating a certain impression.

Instead, ask yourself: what do I want?

What would make me happy right now?

It doesn't need to be productive – it just needs to make you feel good.

 

Further, affirmations are an excellent technique for fostering self-love.

Think of and build a few positive affirmations that you can repeat in the mirror each day.

For example, you might say something like “I am strong, creative, and loyal – I love and value myself.”

Affirmations can feel awkward or artificial at first, but you'll soon start to feel their impact.

 

Self Acceptance

Self acceptance1Self-acceptance is subtly different from self-awareness and self-love.

 

One way of thinking about it is self-acceptance is about having a positive and loving attitude toward even the difficult parts of yourself.

 

So, the things you view as idiosyncrasies, as abnormalities, or maybe even as flaws.

Try to embrace these, acknowledging that everyone is imperfect.

 

Even the people you perceive as role models have weak spots, hangups, and things that trip them up.

Try to remember this when you feel under pressure to be unrealistically exemplary.

Once again, daily positive affirmations can help you to develop this aspect of self-worth.

 

Repeat Phrases like “I don't need to be perfect in order to be good enough”.

This can assist you in shifting your perspective when you start to demand the impossible from yourself.

In practice, self-acceptance also involves letting other people see the unusual parts of you.

Refrain from only showing the parts of yourself you think would be widely accepted or praised.

 

To build self-acceptance in your friendships and romantic relationships, challenge yourself to be more real with people – to be yourself, not a sanitized and acceptable caricature.

You'll likely notice that this in fact deepens your connection with others.

 

Self Compassion

Self compassion1Mindful self-compassion is a term that originates in Buddhist practice and philosophy, and it emphasizes treating yourself with kindness.

 

In short, you should aim to support yourself in the way that you would support someone you care for.

Listen to yourself, know when you need a break, and talk to yourself in a careful, gentle way.

 

It can be difficult to do this if you've experienced a childhood in which people talked down to you or criticized you.

With time and effort, you can develop a nurturing inner voice.

 

Practicing mindfulness exercises is effective in nurturing self-compassion. Try to take at least 5-10 minutes of the day to work on meditations of your choosing.

 

There are special “loving-kindness” meditations that can be particularly helpful here.

 

To do a basic version of this meditation, start by getting comfortable and spending several minutes focusing on deep, slow breathing.

 

Next, recite the following to yourself: “May I be at ease, may I be happy, may I be at peace.”

Feel free to adapt the words to suit you.

 

In addition, monitor how you talk to yourself.

For example, try writing down all the things your inner critic says over a period of two days, then write down counter-statements that challenge those harsh words. In time, this habit can defuse old feelings of self-loathing and rob your inner critic of its power.

 

Self Respect

Self respect1Finally, self-respect revolves around believing that you are deserving of respect – from others and yourself.

 

This means believing you should be treated as a being with value and dignity.
Never be treated as a means to an end or as someone who exists to please others.

 

You might have been raised to derive pleasure and satisfaction from how “useful” or “helpful” you are.

This can be very tough to shake the idea that you exist to make life better for others.

 

You are a person who deserves happiness and fulfillment, and the more you recognize this the more you'll develop self-respect.

 

Focus on how you interact with other people and what kinds of expectations you encourage.

To explore this topic in more depth, let's now turn to the issue of setting and maintaining healthy boundaries with people in your life.

 

Set Healthy Boundaries In Relationships

Healthy boundariesIn the simplest terms, personal boundaries are rules that you have in place to make sure that you have healthy, fulfilling, and mutually respectful relationships with others.

 

While it's certainly good to offer empathy, compassion, and emotional intimacy to those we care about, there are people who will seek to take advantage of this generosity (sometimes not even at a conscious level).

As such, it's important to have a clear sense of what you will and won't accept.

 

Here are four key things worth considering if you want to set boundaries as part of developing greater self-worth.

 

Your Limits

Your Limits1Everyone has different boundaries, and there's no one set of rules that will suit everyone.

 

Limits provide a helpful illustration here – we all have different limits depending on our values and morals.

Figuring out your limits is about reflecting on what you are comfortable with, and how you want to be treated.

Generally, people subscribe to an idea about reciprocity here – we should treat others as we want to be treated.


So, one useful question to ask is “Would I think it's okay to do this to someone else?”

 

To make the idea of limits a little more concrete, let's consider a few examples.

You may have limits to how much time you're willing to give certain people, and this may vary by individual.

The time you'll happily give to your partner will not be the same as you would give to an acquaintance.

You will likely also have limits about how much (if any) of your money or material possessions to lend others.

Perhaps how much lateness you'll accept at an agreed meeting, and how quickly you expect to hear back from someone when you send them an important message.

 

Knowing these sorts of limits is the first step to setting healthy boundaries with others.

 

Communicate

Communicate1It's important to actually assert your needs and preferences when it comes to holding boundaries with others.

 

Some of your limits will be common sense and a matter of basic respect.

Others will relate to highly personal preferences that others shouldn't be expected to intuit.

 

As such, you need to think about communicating your boundaries. After all, research shows that many boundary violations actually come from misunderstandings (rather than from selfishness or malice).

To communicate your boundaries, try to be as clear and specific as possible.

Don't passive-aggressively imply what you want – state it plainly.

 

For example, in contrast, “It sure would be nice if I didn't have to do everything by myself” (passive-aggressive) with “If you put your dirty laundry in the basket, I'll be happy to do the washing.”

In addition, stick to “I” statements.

This means focusing on your thoughts, feelings, and needs rather than on accusations or demands.

 

For example, “I would really appreciate it if we could split the childcare more evenly” is much more likely to get productive results than “You should play with the kids first thing in the morning.”

 

In addition, especially when dealing with loved ones, make sure that you communicate your care while holding your boundaries.

 

For example, “I love you and am committed to making this relationship work, but I want to talk about what counts as respectful communication” is going to land much more effectively than “I hate the way you talk to me.”

 

Tune Into Your Feelings

Tune intoAs some of the above discussion implies, being aware of your own feelings plays a huge role in working to improve self-worth by holding boundaries.

 

Before you discuss a boundary violation with someone else, make sure you properly understand your reaction.

Try to name how you feel – do you feel angry? Do you feel taken for granted, ignored, confused, or disrespected?

 

You may be experiencing a mix of emotions, and some of them may even seem to be in conflict.

 

Once you have a sense of what you're feeling, it's useful to reflect on the roots of those feelings.

Are you experiencing a negative pattern with this person, and reaching your limit?

 

Or are you re-experiencing old wounds, and reacting more emphatically than the situation perhaps warrants?

 

Try to develop your understanding of where your emotions come from, and how they relate to other experiences you have.

 

Be kind to yourself throughout, especially if some of your emotions are overwhelming.

 

Being fluent in the language of your own feelings is important.

It allows you to take huge steps forward in helping someone else understand a boundary violation.

Your feelings are also a very useful guide to how you would like to be treated instead.

This will helps you give the other person a blueprint of your needs.

 

Be Assertive

Be assertive1While our exploration of boundaries so far stresses the importance of being clear and respectful with the other person, it's equally important to be appropriately assertive.

 

If you feel like you're being taken advantage of or your limits are being ignored, you should feel free to say so in no uncertain terms.

 

You shouldn't have to downplay your feelings to please the other person – remember, self-respect requires owning who you are and putting your authenticity before how others want you to be.

 

That being said, it's not only important to avoid being passive when talking about boundaries.

It's also important to avoid being aggressive.

In other words, don't shout people down, don't talk over them, and don't bully them into doing what you want.

 

This sort of behavior turns you into someone who is also violating boundaries!

 

In a nutshell, self-worth simply requires that you be honest, firm, clear, and true to yourself when explaining your boundaries to other people.

 

If you find it difficult to be assertive, it might be easier to practice in writing before doing it verbally.

Consider writing your thoughts in an email, a text, or a letter.

As you get used to communicating in a transparent and self-respecting way, the relevant language will begin to come naturally.

 

Know Your True Self Worth To Reach Your Full Potential

So, now you know more about why self-worth is so vital, what it looks like in practice and how to cultivate it. However, you might not realize just how much-untapped potential is still hidden inside you.

You can become anything you want and have anything you desire – but to get there, you need to embrace your true worth as a person.

 

Today, I hope you will have another inspired day,

that you will dream boldly and dangerously,

that you will make some progress that didn’t exist before you took action,

that you will love and be loved in return, and that you will find the strength to accept and grow from the troubles you can’t change.

And, most importantly (because I think there should be more kindness and wisdom in this crazy world),

that you will,

when you must,

be wise with your decisions,

and that you will always be extra kind to yourself and others.

 

 

Is Self-Improvement Making You Feel Worse? 5 Critical Truths to Know

Your “self” doesn’t need to be improved.Anthony J. YeungAnthony J. Yeung

 

32,589 Self improvement Pictures, Self improvement Stock Photos & Images | Depositphotos®

 

When I read my first self-help book in 2009, it opened a new world to me.

I didn’t have to live life with little self-esteem and a lot of resentment.

I didn’t have to become exactly like my parents or live the life everyone expected.

I actually could carve my own path and transform the personality traits that were holding me back.

 

After a few years of personal development, however, I reached the other end: I felt worse. I felt “behind” more successful people, and I felt exhausted as I pushed myself harder and harder just to end up right back where I started.

 

But it wasn’t until I changed how I used self-improvement that I finally stopped feeling worse and actually started making my life better.

 

In this article, I’ll break down the biggest myths that come from a lot of (but not all) self-help advice. Then, I’ll share the truths you need to understand before you read more advice so that it actually improves your life and doesn’t make you feel worse.

 

You just might discover your “self” doesn’t need to be improved.

 

Myth: You Aren’t Good Enough

You should have a 7-figure passive-income business.

You should exercise 6 times a week.

You should drop everything in life to chase your dreams.

 

If you’re not, you’re lazy and wasting your life.

If you just want to work a corporate job and retire at 65, you’re “mediocre.”

Oh, and you aren’t trying hard enough either—after all, so-and-so has 20 kids and 7 companies, and they still wake up at 2 AM to accomplish everything before sunrise.

 

Sounds familiar?

 

Because of these lofty (implied) standards, plenty of self-help readers feel unhappy.

Even if they're living a solid life—one that billions of people in the world would envy—they're miserable because they think they should be doing amazing things like [insert your favorite self-help author here].

 

Not everyone wants to be the CEO of a 5,000 person company, write bestsellers, or bench press 500lbs.

Some people just like simpler things and that's fine too.

 

But thinking that you must have X, Y, and Z—and that you’re “settling” if you don’t want them—will only make your life worse and create problems where no problem actually exists.

 

“If you start thinking that only your biggest and shiniest moments count, you’re setting yourself up to feel like a failure most of the time.”

— Col. Chris Hadfield

 

Myth: You Need to Dwell on Your Problems

The more you do personal development, the more you uncover your flaws and weaknesses.

Sure, it's valuable to be honest about the issues holding you back so you can fix them, but I know self-help fans who are fixated on their problems.

 

They’re constantly dwelling on their flaws so they see themselves as “flawed”—and feel more miserable because of it.

 

“Attention to health is life’s greatest hindrance.”

— Plato

 

Look, we all have shortcomings and, if you’re uncovering your problems for the first time, great.

But you should only do this kind of introspection occasionally and only to help yourself, not to beat yourself up; otherwise, you’ll always feel like you’re falling short, never good enough, and never improving.

 

Myth: Self-Improvement Is Straightforward

Some authors make it seem easy.

Follow these 5 steps to be a millionaire.

Follow this case study on how to make $10,000/month on Medium.

 

But we often overlook the unique factors that contributed to their success and everyone else who did the same things and failed.

(This is called “survivorship bias” and the self-help industry is rife with it.) For example, if you look at a few of the biggest names on Medium, they were doing things three years ago that would've gotten banned today.

 

Self-improvement isn’t a “recipe” where you follow the steps and always get the same results—there are too many variables and what works for one person might not work for you.

That doesn’t mean their advice is “wrong,” but it does mean you need to understand it isn’t as simple as they make it look.

 

Truth: Self-Help Coaches Are Flawed Too

Some of the most famous self-help personalities are not-nice-people.

(Sadly, I’ve met a few myself.)

And in the self-help industry, flaws might be more common than we think, even for the biggest names:

 

“I met a lot of other self-help authors along the way.

And I discovered there were two types of us: people who lived to write, and self-appointed experts hoping to get rich and famous…

The dirty little secret of those in the advice business is that we wind up teaching others the lessons we most need to learn ourselves.” [emphasis added]

— Michelle Goodman

 

Also, even if you see self-help personalities living “amazing” lives, some of them lie—in reality, they might be broke and miserable, despite what their high-quality DSLR pictures show (which I’ll explain later).

 

Truth: Self-Improvement Is NOT a Competition

Some "influencers" perpetuate a mindset that life is a competition, especially on social media.

They try extra hard to prove how much better their life is than everyone else’s.

They always show themselves doing great things to have everyone praise them.

(Reading their articles or posts, you’ll see a “Look at how cool I am!” vibe lurking underneath.)

 

As a result, you might feel jealous or that you’re "behind" in life because you’re not doing the cool shit they’re doing at, say, age 23.

 

But… has it ever occurred to you that maybe they want you to be jealous of them?

Has it occurred to you that they themselves are not grounded?

That they themselves feel life is a competition so they have to outdo everyone else (and make you feel like you’ve been outdone)?

 

The people posting the most are often the people feeling the worst.

The fact is that approval-seeking behavior is a self-defeating cycle that will make you unhappy and anxious.

Because if constantly trying to prove yourself, you’ll always fall short because nothing will ever validate you.

No amount of praise will ever make you happier or more worthy.

And using self-improvement as fuel in that never-ending chase for self-worth will only lead to nowhere.

 

Truth: There Is No Finish Line

Self-improvement often turns into a never-ending chase for perfection, which you’ll never achieve—no matter how hard you work on yourself, there will never be a moment where you’re finally free of all problems and issues.

 

You will never get “there.”

 

Instead, accept that fact and enjoy the process.

Think about how far you’ve come, what you’ve learned, and the pleasures you have in your life today.

 

Life, as my friend Jack Calhoun says, is like climbing a mountain that doesn’t have a summit.

Even if I achieve all the things I currently want or become the person I want to be, I probably won’t feel the positive emotions I thought I would after it happens.

 

That doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t try to improve yourself or fix problems.

(Don’t get that twisted.)

But it does mean you need to know that reaching an imaginary level of perfection is impossible and it’s a cycle that will only make you miserable.

 

Truth: Success (Probably) Won’t Make You Happier

Take a few seconds to visualize you have everything you want in life—a massive mansion, a private jet, a sexy life partner, etc.

 

Then, tell yourself:

“None of this will make me any happier.”

 

(As you would imagine, this exercise makes me the hit of any party.)

The overwhelming odds are that achievements and successes won’t make you any happier.

That’s not to say, “Why try?” (There are plenty of reasons to achieve things in life.)

But the reason I created this exercise is to force myself to end the “chase for happiness.”

 

Because if I know they won’t make me happier, maybe I’ll realize that, deep down inside, I don’t really want them.

And it’s a helluva lot better to know this before I go on the long journey to achieve those things than after.

Also, if you can’t be happy now — even with all of life’s imperfections — chances are you won’t be happy even if after you get what you want. Instead, learn to be happy now because happiness is a state of mind, not something to be attained.

 

“There are two things to aim for in life: first to get what you want, and, after that, to enjoy it. Only the wisest of mankind achieve the second.”

— Logan Pearsall Smith

 

Truth: You Are Always Good Enough (No Matter What You Achieve — Or Don’t)

Who you are is always good enough, even now.

Sure, we can learn more skills, be more patient, or get in better shape, but who were are as a fundamental human being is fine the way it is.

 

But the more we try to be “good enough” to compensate for believing that we aren’t, the more we’re going to drive ourselves nuts to live up to (or surpass) those imaginary expectations.

 

“Yes, our backhands can improve, and I'm sure my writing can get better; certainly our skills in relating to each other on the planet can improve.

But the cornerstone of stability is to know that there is nothing wrong with the essential human being.”

—W. Timothy Gallwey, “The Inner Game of Tennis”

 

Self-improvement stopped making me feel worse when I realized it shouldn’t be about becoming a “better person.”

To me, it’s about learning new skills—that’s it.

Managing emotions, improving communication and relationships, eliminating sabotaging habits, etc.

 

Studying personal development helps me live a more “optimal” life and enjoy extra benefits.

But that doesn’t make me “better” than I was previously nor “better” than someone who never touched a self-help book in their life.

 

How to Think About Self-Improvement

Again, life isn’t a competition and it isn’t a race to get a bunch of “nice things” that won’t make me any happier.

 

Bottom line: I want to live my life and know that I did everything I could possibly do.

Rather than going through the motions, I actually lived my life and pushed past my inner limits.

And even if I don’t achieve everything I set out to accomplish, that’s okay—because life isn’t about the achievements themselves; it’s about the journey toward them.

 

“The definition of Hell: At the end of your life, the person you become meets the person you could have become.”

— Anonymous

 

And that’s what motivates me to seek self-improvement, learn new skills and abilities, and maximize my potential.

Because I only get one life to live.

So I might as well make the most of it.

 

 

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