How To Deal
With Loneliness or being Sad
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A new view of a situation is just what we need to answer a difficult question, or see something we've been missing.
There is no greater way to escape the troubles of daily life than to ascend into the welcoming embrace of a tree house. Like a bird in its nest, we feel held and safe in the branches, cloaked
within a curtain of green leaves. Here we can breathe more freely and think more clearly, our hearts and brains fed by the oxygen released by the leaves. We float above the everyday world of the
ground, enjoying a bird's-eye view of all that remains below.
We may choose to be alone or we may invite a special friend to join us. Either way, this is our private world in which we get to decide who comes and goes. It is our haven where we can fully be who we are, shed the masks required by the world below, and reveal our most hidden secrets, dreams, and desires. It is also an ideal vantage point on the life that continues below the branches. Often, a new view of a situation is just what we need to answer a difficult question, solve a challenging problem, or see something we've been missing. It is as if we have ascended into the heavens and are able to tap into a higher awareness. We can draw on this airy energy to revitalize us, relax us, and feed us new ideas. When we descend, we are ready to enter the world again, cleaner, clearer, and often more inspired.
If you haven't been in a tree house for a while, now may be the time to make one for yourself or find one you can borrow. If you can't find or create an actual tree house, think of other venues that could provide the same experience--a rooftop perch, a quiet spot in a grove of trees on a hilltop, a light-filled attic. Or just close your eyes and visualize yourself ensconced in your perfect home in the branches of your favorite tree.
- Glad To Be Alive
- The Path To Adulthood – Healing The Pain
- Becoming The Adult
- Overcoming Loneliness – Part Two
- How To Overcome Loneliness
- How We End Up In Misery
- How To Deal With Loneliness
- Emotional Abuse Test
- Emotional Health – What Millions Still Don’t Know
- Emotional Insecurity Help
- You Have Emotion
- You Have Beliefs
- You Have Choice
- You Are Enough
- You Are Loved
- You Have A Heart
Dealing With Loneliness
I don’t know where you stand with loneliness, but it was eating me alive for decades. I was so terrified of loneliness, it literally gave me panic attacks. And I had to structure my life so I wouldn’t have to deal with it.
Avoiding loneliness. Looking back now, it seems so odd. I was scared of a feeling. A feeling. It’s not like anything could happen physically. There was no danger, really. But the raw fear I went through was out of this world!
Ever seen anybody so scared they would claw and scratch and do anything to get away? Like a drowning man in the ocean? That was me, trying to get away from my loneliness.
So when people tell me they’re scared out of their minds about some fear inside, I know what they’re talking about. I understand the gravity of the situation. I also understand how vitally important it is to slay this dragon.
The single most important thing to understand here, is that I was not afraid of my loneliness. I was afraid of my stories about loneliness. I was so afraid of being stuck and trapped in loneliness. And I didn’t realize how imprisoned I already was.
I thought by running away from it, and avoiding any situation that might allow it to come up, that these actions would somehow be enough. I never even thought to look at why I felt lonely in the first place.
Loneliness becomes a problem when you separate from yourself. When you abandon yourself. When you try to run away and avoid yourself.
Loneliness is meant to be an ally, not an enemy.
How to avoid negative thoughts?
With all the negative events and the hardship of our daily activities, you might be thinking that it is normal to have negative thoughts.
But negative thoughts are not the by-product of bad situations.
They are the direct results of our personal assessment of our experiences.
However, our thinking pattern affects our brain in many ways.
Our brain is plastic.
It means that it is capable of change and environmental adaptation. Also, our brain is a rich and nutritious soil that whatever you put in it will grow.
Both negative and positive thoughts have a direct impact on the brain. If you negatively interpret your experiences, then you are cultivating negative thoughts.
Unfortunately, negative thoughts can negatively affect your overall being. It does not only impair you psychologically but also physically.
Can we develop positive thoughts?
Dr. Richard J. Davidson, a neuroscientist says yes. Both he and his colleagues found in their study that with ample training, positivity can be achieved.
In his report in the National Institute of Health in 2015, Dr. Davidson said:
"The results suggest that taking time to learn skills to self-generate positive emotions can help us become healthier, more social, more resilient versions of ourselves."
Thus learning how to be positive is a skill. It can be learned by anybody. But how can we train our mind and fill it with positive thoughts?
Most of the experts suggest seven common things to do to be happy.
Here are the quick tips:
1. Do good things to others.
Doing good things to others have two benefits.
First, you help others to overcome something.
Second, it makes you happier.
Doing good thing can be as simple as helping an old man crossing the street.
Or, offering your seat to a pregnant woman on the bus.
The thing is, a simple act of help makes you feel better.
2. Appreciate simple things.
Most people find it hard to stay happy because they focus on the negative side of their experience. They forget that their world does not only revolve around few negative things.
If you want to be happy, spend time appreciating simple things around you. It could be a beautiful sunrise, a bird, or a pet.
These things have a significant impact on your well-being.
3. Develop a strong social relationship.
Your social interaction can do so much for your happiness.
Widen your world by making new acquaintances.
The better your social connection, the happier youâ€™ll become.
And happiness, not negative thoughts, makes you healthier and allows you to enjoy a longer life.
4. Have an attainable goal.
Be realistic in your goals.
People who have impossible goals often end up in frustration and stress. Furthermore, forget about perfection.
The more you strive to be perfect, the more you drag yourself from the reality.
Because thereâ€™s no perfection. It only exists in the mind, not in reality.
5. Develop new skill.
Don'€™t be stagnant.
Learn something new.
Even simple things.
It could be a sport, a hobby, or something that can boost your self-confidence.
Anything that improves yourself, will be helpful to make you feel better.
You are not perfect. And thereâ€™s nothing to feel ashamed about it.
In fact, it is healthy. Imperfection is the very essence of being human.
Instead of hating your own mistakes, strive to accept them.
Accept the reality that you have flaws.
People who donate accept who they are, accumulate negative thoughts and hatred inside.
Ultimately, they lose the opportunity to appreciate the real meaning of their life.
7. Develop resilience.
Negative thoughts cannot do any good to you.
Do not complain about life.
Instead, find ways to turn negative events into positive ones.
Champions have this habit.
They always make their failures a motivation to pursue their dreams.
You can do it too by being resilient.
Do not retreat.
Always get back up when you fall.
5 Agreements You Must Make With Yourself to be HappyAyodeji Awosika
Wanna know the worst part about failing to achieve your goals, live the life you want, and overcome your challenges?
It’s not the lack of the outcome itself, but the fact you broke your agreement with yourself.
Each time you tell yourself you’re going to do something and fall short, you chip away at your soul one little piece at a time.
In isolation, none of these broken agreements are so bad, but cumulatively, they destroy you.
And they destroy you in a way that’s almost worse than total abject destruction.
See, when your life is just genuinely messed up and horrible, you can almost tolerate that more because you can’t do much about it or the odds are so stacked against you that it’s much easier to justify your situation because it’s justifiable.
People in poverty and destitution aren’t leading “lives of quiet desperation” they’re just royally screwed.
Consequently, many people in these situations, take third world countries, for example, find a level of happiness because they are so circumstantially challenged the almost have no choice.
But “normal people” maybe you, who let their souls rot away in the suburbs. I can think of few worse hells. I use the same analogy over and over again — Chinese water torture. Breaking your agreements day after day until you die.
You will get no pep talk from me about how easy it is to keep your agreements to yourself. It’s the hardest thing you’ll ever do.
But it’s worth it.
Keep these top ones in mind.
You Won’t Compromise Your Happiness for the Sake of Others
This doesn’t mean “never take anyone’s opinion into account.
It simply means that you should never let the opinion of other people dictate what you’re going to do with your life.
I’ve seen it happen over and over again to so many people. And it often comes from one particular source.
Can you guess?
I can’t tell you how many messages people have sent me about the fact that they want to do something different with their life but won’t do it because they don’t want to let their parents down. Even middle-aged people suffer from this.
Are people like your parents trying to make you unhappy?
But one important truth you must understand about people — often, they can’t help themselves.
You’d think the people that created you would want the best for you.
Actually, they do, but they just have a different definition of the word ‘best’ than you do.
They project dreams and insecurities on you at the same time.
Don’t blame them.
Accept that they’re coming from the only paradigm they know and move forward.
Politely reject their advice. Don’t even say anything. Just don’t follow their directions.
Parents are the overarching example, but there are many others:
- Spouse — If your spouse doesn’t agree with your dreams, maybe they shouldn’t be your spouse. Not saying this in a callous way, but if your values aren’t aligned, then you will run into problems.
- Kids — You should sacrifice for your kids, right? Yes, but there are many types of sacrifice. You can sacrifice your happiness to procure resources or you can sacrifice your extra time to build your dream on the side and get the best of both worlds. You know my answer here.
- The Joneses — You can totally ignore these people. Friends, colleagues, acquaintances, whatever. Again, not that you never take anyone’s opinion into account, but ask yourself, are these people living your life? Do they pay your bills? No? And no again? Well, then you choose what to do with your life, ok?
Here’s the thing about compromising your dreams and failing to put boundaries around your non-negotiable values — nobody will respect or appreciate you for it. You’ll end up with a martyr complex and wonder why everyone isn’t super thankful for your sacrifice.
Counterintuitively, if you put yourself first and set those boundaries, you’ll get the respect because few people have the confidence to do it.
You Will Do The Things You’re Afraid Of
There are few better feelings than courage — being scared yet doing the thing anyway. You experience a type of euphoria you can’t replicate any other way.
I don’t know about you, but fear annoys me.
The fact that I’d ever hold myself back for any reason, over some petty psychological BS, seems so insane to me, but of course, it happens. It happens to me just like it happens to you.
I have limiting beliefs. I have impostor syndrome — I gave an entire talk about it.
Part of me wants to stay in the house forever and live in total comfort, but I just don’t allow myself to be complacent.
I’ve decided that I’m never going to be in my “comfort zone” again.
Does this mean you have to live like me?
Do you have to achieve world domination to be happy?
But your soul will atrophy if you don’t exercise it.
And you exercise your soul by being courageous.
Courage takes many forms In general, standing up against your inner critic, the resistance, the beguiling monkey mind, takes courage.
The odds are stacked against you.
Psychological resistance weighs heavy, no way around it. So how do you stand up to it?
My go-to answer is always the same — realize you are going to die. There’s no fear to feel when you’re in the abyss, gone forever.
I always try to think to myself, “If this moment embarrasses me, if I get rejected, if this doesn’t work out, will I ever care 6 months from now? 6 weeks? Hell, even 6 hours?
If it works, however, I’ll always remember it.”
You Will Focus on Gratitude
As much as I talk about ambition, goal setting, productivity, and world domination so to speak, I understand how important it is to have gratitude and develop detachment from your desires.
On the one hand, you want to push for your goals and dreams like they mean everything.
And the other hand, you need to understand they mean nothing and that, ultimately, all you have is the now, your existence, your oneness with the universe.
Since I’m so ambitious, I have to put a focus on this philosophy:
- I meditate daily
- I write down three things I’m grateful for every day
- I’ve read and studied dozens of Eastern Philosophy texts
People often comment on my work and tell me to “be content.”
Being content takes work.
Most people pretend to be content.
They live in an apathetic limbo They’re not really grateful for what they have. Their ‘gratitude’ is actually a coping mechanism they use to justify their inability to act — to face that inner critic and really do something.
Most people can say “I feel grateful to have a roof over my head, food on my stomach, and clothes on my back.”
Go above and beyond that.
Can you be grateful for the obstacles, pain, and tragedy that can make you stronger?
Can you be grateful for the outcomes you’ve earned through hard work and overcoming the inner critic?
Are you grateful for the abundant opportunities available to you? If so, why aren’t you doing anything with them?
Ah, see, there’s the kicker. Being ‘fake content’ is a lot like having a toolset but building nothing with it.
Think of people who are really grateful like immigrants who come to America.
They work their ass off because they truly appreciate the opportunity, while all the “content” people watch Netflix.
Focus on the proper form of gratitude, the whole form.
You Will Take Care of Your Mind, Body, and Spirit
So much of happiness boils down to:
- What you put in your body
- How you move your body
- The work you do on your mind
If you eat shit food, never exercise, watch tons of T.V., booze it up every weekend, how in the hell are you going to be happy?
You are a biological entity. Your mood is heavily affected by the way you treat your biological entity.
I’d love to see a case study if society adopted the following:
- Eating healthy
- Going outside to see nature
- Spending time consciously reaching out connecting with people they love
- Limited smartphone use
If society as a whole managed to do this for, say, six months, I’d suspect we’d see a sharp drop in anxiety — razor sharp.
Do I want you to become a self-improvement robot?
But you have to understand how much of an impact your environment has on your mental state as well as the way you treat the vessel that houses your mind.
All this stuff seems basic and elementary, doesn’t it?
Everything I write is basic and elementary.
The keys to happiness, success, contentment, etc, are sitting right in front of you? But you, we all, want to look for magic answers elsewhere.
Because facing the truth that you’re not living right is hard to bear. Nobody wants to look in the mirror and admit they’re messing up their own life.
You should want to take care of you the most.
You are…you, after all.
This cognitive dissonance caused by your inability to care for yourself causes a ton of problems.
The only antidote to all of this is my final point.
You Will Take Responsibility For Yourself
Here’s my problem with the ‘snowflakes.’
The people Jonathan Haidt talks about in The Coddling of the American Mind.
I don’t have any moral qualms with people taking little to no responsibility for their life.
It just doesn’t work well.
What is the use in griping about the government? What else can you do above writing a letter to your congressperson and voting in November? Not much.
So why all the obsession over politics?
You’re a woman, a minority, gay, [insert marginalized group here]?
What’s the next move, though?
You have to live your life.
I know successful people in every single marginalized category you can think of. Every.
Do you know what they have in common?
They all had a similar conversation with themselves:
“Yeah, this shit is kind of unfair, but…life is short, I don’t have time to wait for everything to be perfect, I’m still going to try to win anyway.”
Complaining just doesn’t do all that much.
Again, no moral judgment, but it’s mostly a waste of time.
If you want to be a social media activist, go right ahead. It is, after all, a free country.
If you want to wait for society to be perfect, go ahead.
I’m here to make suggestions.
I don’t know you.
If you think my advice sucks, just don’t follow it.
I make educated guesses as to what will happen if you choose a certain route.
And if you don’t adopt a philosophy of personal responsibility life is going to be very, very, very hard for you.
Don’t do it for me.
Do it for you.
You’re better off.
If you’re the type of person who doesn’t take responsibility for themselves, you’re already experiencing the misery that comes with it.
Project that out to the rest of your life.
Not good, friend.
Not good at all.
Honestly, taking responsibility for yourself isn’t the best option in an objective sense.
I don’t look at it from a moral perspective.
It’s simply better for your own well being and happiness.
It’s more useful.
Grab your free checklist here — The Ultimate Guide to Discovering Your Natural Talents and Strengths.
4 ways to boost your self-compassion
Take a moment to think about how you treat yourself when you make a mistake or fail to reach a goal. If you tend to beat yourself up when things go wrong, you, like most people, can use a little more self-compassion in your life.
Forgiving and nurturing yourself seem to have benefits in their own right. Strong self-compassion can even set the stage for better health, relationships, and general well-being. So far, research has revealed a number of benefits of self-compassion. Lower levels of anxiety and depression have been observed in people with higher self-compassion. Self-compassionate people recognize when they are suffering and are kind to themselves at these times, thereby lowering their own levels of related anxiety and depression.
Learn to have self-compassion
Some people come by self-compassion naturally, but not everyone does. Luckily, it is a learnable skill. Several methods have been proposed, and training programs are being developed, to help people discover and cultivate their own self-compassion.
Here are four ways to give your self-compassion skills a quick boost:
For more ways to draw on your strengths and find the positive meaning in your life, review Positive Psychology, a Special Health Report from Harvard Medical School.
Image: kieferpix/Getty Images
Featured in this issue
Positive Psychology: Harnessing the power of happiness, mindfulness, and inner strength
Click here to read more »
Glad To Be Alive The Path To Adulthood – Healing The Pain Becoming The Adult Overcoming Loneliness – Part Two How To Overcome Loneliness How We End Up In Misery How To Deal With Loneliness Emotional Abuse Test Emotional Health – What Millions Still Don’t Know Emotional Insecurity Help You Have Emotion You Have Beliefs You Have Choice You Are Enough You Are Loved You Have A Heart
EMOTIONAL HEALTH –
EMOTIONAL HEALING –
A fusion of thought and feeling that expands your consciousness.
When Isolation Is Ok
Sometimes we need to be alone, to simply do nothing but enjoy the sound of silence.
Yet, too much isolation, especially when our intention is to hide, withdraw, or not deal with the realities of our lives is not physically, mentally, or spiritually healthy. It is during moments like these when being in isolation takes us away from our lives, rather than enhancing it. If anything, too much isolation can create a buffer whereby we don't have to deal with our problems. Sometimes, pushing ourselves to deal with our issues and be in our lives, rather than isolate, is one of the best gifts we can give to ourselves.
Also, just as it is important for us to have our "alone" time, we need to remember that as human beings, we are by nature social creatures that thrive on human contact. Our lives cannot occur in a vacuum, and we cannot fully live in this world without interacting with others. Consider using isolation as time spent for rest, reinvigoration, and personal growth. Isolation can then not only empower you, but it can allow you to return to your work and your relationships restored and ready for life.
Loneliness naturally occurs.
But we tend to react to emotions unnaturally. We tend to try hard to not feel them. When we do this, emotions tend to grow big and dark and hairy.
Fear and loneliness let us know we’re moving in the wrong direction. We’re getting farther from home… farther from ourselves. It’s time to come home.
So let’s take a look at how to overcome it.
See, the goal is not to never feel lonely. The goal is to feel it as deeply as possible, then let it pass right through you. It’s like eating food. You eat it, your body extracts the goodness from it, and then the rest finds its way back to the earth.
The key involves engaging the feeling process. When you engage your feeling process, you want to seek out and find the unresolved emotion inside you. Unfelt emotion becomes like a delicious meal. You look forward to it. You can’t wait to sit down and dig in.
And the mere thought of avoiding your loneliness, by distracting yourself from it, or putting yourself in situations where it won’t come up, seems odd. It makes no sense.
“Why in the world would you avoid your loneliness?”
Starting from empty.
Live your life as if your glass is half-full rather than half-empty, all you need is a change of thought.
When we look at our lives with half-empty consciousness, we perceive a lack and think that the other half of what we want is missing. We are coming from a position of expectation and entitlement. On the other hand, when we look at our lives as half-full we perceive fullness. It is as if we recognize that our cup could be fully empty and so we are grateful for what we see as bounty--not something we expect or believe we are owed, but a gift. In half-full consciousness, we count our blessings. When we look at our lives we see all the elements that are in place and all the things we do have. This doesn't necessarily mean we don't seek more, but we seek from a place of fullness instead of from a place of lack. This fullness draws positive energy into our lives and often attracts more abundance.
If you would like to begin to make the shift into half-full consciousness, try imagining your life as an empty glass. This is your life without all the people you know, the work you do, your home, or your current state of physical wellbeing. This is just an empty, open space waiting to be filled. Once you have that feeling of openness in your mind, begin filling it with all the people, things, and places that make up your life. You may be surprised to find your glass overflowing.
Do You Know Your Self Worth?
In order to achieve anything in life, it is important that you know your self worth. Knowing your self worth means that you know that you deserve to be treated a certain way; that you deserve certain things in life simply because you are a human being. Your self worth does not disappear because you made a mistake or failed at something, it is something is inherent in all people and will never fade in quantity or value.
How do you realize your self worth?
Many people go through their entire lives never fully realizing their full potential because they do not believe in themselves or their self worth. These people often look to others to enjoy even the smallest tidbit of validation. This is no way to live.
In order to realize your self worth there are several avenues you can take. One avenue is to make a list of all your attributes, good and bad, and as honest and as accurately as possible, assess them from one to ten with ten being the best. This can give you an idea of how you think of yourself and how you see yourself. While we can be our worst enemies, it can also be helpful to get feedback from friends who we know are honest and will only give you helpful feedback.
You can also realize your self worth by beginning projects and endeavors that will bring about positive remarks and comments about your performance and your personality traits. Join a sports league, volunteer for charity work, help a neighbor. These are all things that can help boost your self worth and feelings of self value. Think about what you do and what you might say to a best friend who was achieving and going through similar experiences.
What would you say to him or her? Their place in your life is infinitely valuable. Rest assured that yours in their life is too.
Watch this motivational video...............
Self-Acceptance with Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT)
What is the Emotional Freedom Technique?
The Emotional Freedom Technique, or EFT, is the psychological acupressure technique I routinely use in my practice and most highly recommend to optimize your emotional health. Although it is still often overlooked, emotional health is absolutely essential to your physical health and healing - no matter how devoted you are to the proper diet and lifestyle, you will not achieve your body's ideal healing and preventative powers if emotional barriers stand in your way.
Studies show that more than 85% of the world’s population suffers from some degree of diminished self-worth. For most people who lack a positive self-image, the future looks like a mere extension of their troubled past – their expectation of what is to be is consistent with what has been, with a slight and predictable level of improvement. Because of their lacking self-esteem, most are resigned to a life that lacks the excitement and passion characterizing the lives of those who feel worthy of tapping into the best things life has to offer. People who possess a positive self-image typically have an optimistic expectation of what is ahead of them, and as a result they realize this expectation as a self-fulfilling prophesy.
In contrast to the state of resignation that typifies those with diminished self-esteem, consider the possibility that the future lives as the realization of a promise – a promise you make to yourself and to the world. The future will result from your expectations, and the quality of your future will be impacted by the commitment you have for it. It lives as a possibility. In other words, you get to invent it. In fact, you are the sole designer and architect of what is to be, and the result will be entirely consistent with your expectation and your self-image.
Our future will be directly related to what we expect for it to be. If we doubt our self-worth, and expect our future lives to be worse than our current situation, we will sabotage ourselves into making it turn out into a self-fulfilling prophesy. If we limit our expectations, and plan on more of the same results we have experienced to date, our apathy will generate a future consistent with this expectation. To the contrary, if we believe in ourselves, and our expectation is that our future will be better than our present situation, self-motivation will lead to actions that will bring about the positive outcome we envision.
If we feel good about ourselves, and expect to live happy, fulfilled, and successful lives, we will take the actions consistent with realizing that expectation. We will therefore generate the opportunities that will result in rich relationships, abundance, and joy being attracted to our lives – because we believe we deserve it, and act on this belief.
We get what we expect, and attract prosperity or lack joy or sorrow. We have rewarding relationships or angry, frustrating ones – all as a result of whether or not we feel worthy. Just as we can doubt our abilities to succeed, and our worthiness for attracting rewarding friends and intimate relationships, we can instead choose to take full responsibility for expecting all aspects of our lives to be the way we want them to turn out. When we come from this positive mindset, and commit to manifesting our dream lives, we put forth an energy that attracts all the things we desire to us.
We WANT your Story!
A Conversation With Bob Burg – Lessons on Bringing Value!
Bob Burg, the author of the Go-Giver, shares powerful insights on how to take your life and business to the next level by being and becoming more valuable!
Bob is also the author of the upcoming Lessons From Giving Value book and he is inviting you to share your best Giving Value tips, strategies or story for the book.
Today, I hope you will have another inspired day, that you will dream boldly and dangerously, that you will make some progress that didn’t exist before you took action, that you will love and be loved in return, and that you will find the strength to accept and grow from the troubles you can’t change. And, most importantly (because I think there should be more kindness and wisdom in this crazy world), that you will, when you must, be wise with your decisions, and that you will always be extra kind to yourself and others.