Another way to think about it.

Change your thinking can change your life

 

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Another way to think about it. 1

 

4 Life Lessons That Have Shaped My Outlook On Life

2,253 Outlook Life Photos - Free & Royalty-Free Stock Photos from Dreamstime
 

Life Is A Great Teacher

“When you were born, you cried and the world rejoiced. Live your life so that when you die, the world cries and you rejoice.” — Cherokee Expression

 

Do you believe mistakes are learning points to help us cultivate personal growth?

I believe mistakes removes the burden of having to strive to make things happen.

 

It is why I have learned to let go of frustration, disappointment, and anxiety and trust all will be worked when the time is right.

Universal timing affirms there is a rhythm and a cycle to life which is independent of our own timeline. What may seem as a dead-end or roadblock may actually be a blessing in disguise.

 

Not receiving what we want, may sometimes allow something greater and more substantial to make its way into our life.

 

Frustration and disappointment ensues when our desires do not manifest as we imagined because timing is everything.

I have witnessed this in my own life, where everything I wanted made its way into my life when I was mentally and emotionally in the right place.

 

Have you noticed this in your life?

The ideal partner shows up when you’re no longer desperate to be in a relationship or you get the perfect job you never could have imagined?

 

Concurrently, there were desires which never manifested in the form I expected, since I was resisting and blocking the flow of universal intelligence.

As I let go of my attachments to outcomes, greater resources made their way in to my life with ease.

 

The following points are lessons that have contributed to my personal growth. It is my intention they serve you as well.

As with most things, releasing and surrendering attachments to outcomes, will yield positive outcomes since the universe specialises in the mysterious and unexpected.

Like watching a pot that never boils, expectations and outcomes have the capacity to obstruct the flow of life.

It is said, life is a great teacher since it gives you the experience before the lesson.

Life has become more enjoyable and rewarding over the years as I incorporated these principles into my life. In hindsight, I needed the lessons.

There are no mistakes in this universe — everything is perfect and unfolds at precisely the right time and place.

 
Photo by Aaron Andrew Ang on Unsplash

1. Life Unfolds As It Should, Not According To My Schedule

Wishing life to happen quicker is a recipe for pain and suffering.

I would become impatient and believe my desires are not manifesting.

Yet, right when I give up, my wish appears miraculously at the right time. Looking back on the theme of my life, this is the most powerful lesson I experienced.

 

I compared myself to others in my youth, believing I was not talented or smart enough.

Over time, I developed many talents, which came through sheer determination and tenacity.

My understanding of concepts and ideas were deep and long lasting, since I took the time to acquire the experience.

 

In many instances I outperformed other children whom I earlier compared myself to.

 

Life taught me to practice infinite patience and value my self-worth.

Is something you can identify with? Were you a slower learner growing up and excelled later on? There’s a lot to be said about judging children when they’re young.

 

“And once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain.

When you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in.

That’s what this storm’s all about.” ― Haruki Murakami

 

2. Gratitude Draws More Abundance Into My Life

It was in my early thirties where I began to appreciate and observe this principle.

Practising daily gratitude, whether through meditation, emotions, journaling or otherwise, allows more of what I value to flow into my life unimpeded.

I allow more abundance to flow into my life, since I align myself with positive emotions which brings forth more of the same frequency.

My emotions are a communication gateway to the universe; it is an inner acknowledgement of thanks that everything is exactly as it should be.

If I were conversing with Universal Intelligence, the conversation might look something like this:

“I’m pretty cool with all this great abundance you’re sending me. Thanks, I get it and appreciate it.”

 

Appreciation and gratitude flows from the heart.

As a side note: the heart has the strongest magnetic field of any organ: it is 5,000 times stronger than the brain’s frequency.

Therefore, when I FEEL an expansive energy radiating in my heart area, otherwise known as the heart chakra in Eastern traditions, I radiate that goodness into the universe.

The FEELING may be akin to the emotions I feel when in the company of a loved one or similarly when I am appreciated and loved.

 
Photo by Romain Lours on Unsplash

3. The World Is A Beautiful Place

Why?

Because this is my point of reference.

 

I choose to create beliefs that serve me, so why not choose empowering thoughts and infuse them with the right energy?

 

It shouldn’t matter that tens of millions of people believe otherwise.

I am not dissuaded by what shows up in my reality, since my current reality is the amalgamation of my past thoughts and beliefs.

I have the power to change my future by directing attention to the present moment.

For the enlightened, even disasters and tragedies are a part of the mystery of the universe.

They appreciate there is a force within the universe that our limited minds cannot appreciate.

The world is beautiful when I suspend my ego, which tries to convince me otherwise.

 

The beauty of life is contained within me and radiates out, like a fire hose with great pressure; the water has no place to go, but to gush out.

Do you agree with this? Y

ou see, your perception shapes your reality, so what you believe and hold in your heart is bound to show up in your life.

There are no two ways about it.

 

4. Less Is More

My twenties was dominated by the speed of life, travel, work, play and socialising.

It was about how to travel from one destination to the next in the shortest time, to commence the next adventure.

I missed out on the journey in-between since my focus was on the future.

I failed to appreciate the smallest details around me.

If I take the time to observe nature, I see the same principle working effortlessly.

A tree does not force its way out of the ground to grow.

When the conditions are right, it emerges from the soil into a beautiful tree bearing fruit and shade for other animals and people to enjoy.

It gives unconditionally and asks nothing in return since it knows the source of its goodness is contained within the universe.

 

I learned to slow down to the rhythm of life and discovered I could achieve more while doing less.

Had I bought into the ideas of mainstream culture, I would have burned out, working a job I hate and being in a relationship which did not serve me.

There is a lot to be said about bucking the trend of travelling fast through life and missing the great experiences in-between.

 

Knowing this, I’d like you to reflect on what has been your most valuable lessons over the years, which still serves you today?

How have they shaped you?

Were those lessons essential for your personal growth?

Who have you become as a result of those experiences?

 

Call To Action

Do you want to lead a remarkable life?

Have you had enough of not achieving the success you deserve?

If so, download your FREE copy of my comprehensive e-Book NAVIGATE LIFE, and start your amazing journey of greatness today!

 

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Another way to think about it. 2

 

 

9 Things Every Person Should Do After 9 P.M.

Success is not how you start; it’s how you finish.

Darshak Rana

 
 
A man following a bedtime ritual
Source: Freepik

A bedtime routine is the smartest investment in your overall well-being.

 

Regardless of your lifestyle, nighttime routines can significantly impact your sleep quality and the next day’s productivity.

Your evening activities significantly impact your ability to fall asleep faster and recharge the energy battery.

 

Sleep quality could also suffer due to the increased anxiety and stress caused by loneliness, health concerns, financial worries, etc.

Also, sleep deprivation may cause a wide range of health problems, many of which you may be concerned about when you’re awake.

 

According to the CDC (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention), one-third of Americans are sleep deprived.

So, by adhering to a nighttime routine, you may keep your mind occupied with other things and urge yourself to unwind instead.

Less is more when it comes to these 9 suggestions based on both scientific study and personal experience.

These ideas enabled me to sleep better and feel more organized, energized, and productive the next day.

 

1. Cut Off From the Digital World After 9 P.M.

Despite what you may believe, binge-watching your favorite program on Netflix or scrolling through Instagram does not help you relax.

 

According to ScienceFocus magazine, “the blue light coming from electronic gadgets such as computers, televisions, cellphones, and tablets unknowingly harms your brain.

Also, The National Sleep Foundation attests that blue light emissions disrupt sleep quality and other aspects of your health like circadian rhythm.

 

When you utilize these gadgets, the blue light tricks your brain into believing it’s still sunlight. Consequently, your brain decreases the creation of melatonin, which makes you more alert.

So, ensure you’re not playing mind games with yourself.

 

Begin your nighttime ritual by saying goodbye to your technological devices. Avoid using electronic devices after 9 P.M.

 

You can also switch on your phone’s red-light filter before you hit the bed to prevent brain distractions even if you unintentionally look at it

 

Here’s how I enable the red-light filter on my iPhone:

Go to Settings ➡️ Accessibility ➡️ Display Accommodations.
 
There, you will find the “Colour Filters” option. Select it.Then, enable “Colour Filters” using the toggle switch at the top of the screen. After that, select “Colour Tint.” From here, scroll down just a little further, to find the "Intensity and Hue sliders" that makes the red effect more prominent. (Both sliders should be in the far-right position for maximum redness.)

2. Soak Your Body in Warm Water

Researchers have discovered that using a warm bath to simulate the body’s temperature drop during the night is similar to using sedatives!

So, it’s advisable to take a warm bath an hour before bed.

You will feel drowsy and calm as your body heats up from the water and cools down fast as the water evaporates.

Many hormonal changes occur during the day as part of your sleep-wake cycle.

 

Melatonin production, which begins in the evening, is one of these.

Additionally, your core body temperature decreases that aids in sleeping faster.

You can also add Epsom salt or baking soda for magnesium sulfate, which is very healthy for the skin!

You can also add some aromatherapy oils (if you’re not allergic) that will relax your mood after a hectic day!

 

3. Relaxation and Breathing Methods Can Do Wonders

It is possible to let go of physical and mental tension by using relaxation techniques like deep breathing and progressive muscle relaxation (PMR). Research backs it!

 

Even a few minutes of gentle stretching or massage before going to bed can help alleviate nighttime cramping.

In the evening, it is perfectly acceptable to engage in light or moderate-intensity exercise.

Take a break from the treadmill and weightlifting and try:

  • Yoga
  • Stretches
  • A walk around the block

However, keep in mind that even if you’re doing light exercise, it’s still a good idea to wind down an hour or so before going to bed.

Add what works best for you to your bedtime routine and reap the benefits.

 

4. Immerse Yourself Into a “Real” Book

Did you know that reading even for just six minutes can reduce stress by up to 68 percent?

A study from the University of Essex attests!

Incorporate reading into your nightly routine.

But steer clear of thrillers and action-packed books.

The best book may be the one with an uncomplicated and boring plot to induce sleep.

 

Tip: Paper books are better for your health than e-books, according to research — “The light-emitting eReaders negatively affect sleep quality, circadian timing, and next-morning alertness.

5. Bond With Your Family or Loved Ones

Harvard research says that:

Even if you’re not in a relationship, spending time with people you care about — friends, roommates, neighbors, etc. can improve your mood and increase feelings of trust and happiness.

 

Creating positive feelings before going to sleep can put you in a better mood, making it easier for you to get to sleep.

Spending time with the people you care about can improve your relationship and reduce your stress levels.

 

Try:

  • Playing board games
  • Exchanging messages
  • Cuddling with pets
  • Friendly banter
  •  

6. Mindfulness Meditation Aids in Managing Sleep Harming Emotions

Meditation, like yoga, can help you sleep better if you practice it regularly.

According to research, mindfulness meditation helps people relax their thoughts and manage their emotions to fall asleep rather than worrying about not getting a good night’s rest because of their worries.

Meditation can be performed by closing your eyes and allowing your thoughts and feelings to take center stage.

Then, observe your thoughts, but don’t judge them as bad or good.

Visualize yourself, releasing them and becoming free from all the burdens.

Meditation can also be practiced through deep breathing and visualizing.

Many guided meditation exercises can be found for free on smartphone apps or YouTube.

 

 

7. Applying Lotion or Moisturizer Is Underrated but Highly Recommended

One reason to put on lotion or moisturizer on your skin at night is that it will help lock in moisture while you sleep.

 

Another reason is it can help to reduce the appearance of wrinkles.

When you apply moisturizer at night, it will help plump up your skin and make wrinkles less visible.

If you want to keep your skin looking young and healthy, then putting on lotion or moisturizer every night is a good habit to get into.

 

The third reason is during the night, sebum production is at its lowest.

To keep your skin hydrated, your body produces sebum, a naturally occurring oily substance.

A person’s sebum levels fluctuate every eight hours.

All kinds of skin issues can arise when the skin’s natural balance is disrupted, causing redness, itchiness, flaking, and eczema.

Nighttime is also a good time to apply moisturizer because it allows your skin to rejuvenate and heal while you are resting.

 

8. Don’t Overlook the Importance of Hydration in a Bedtime Routine

According to National Sleep Foundation, many health benefits can be gained from drinking water before going to sleep, such as:

  • Enables sweating for better body temperature control
  • Prevent headaches in the morning
  • Glowing skin
  • Healthier immune system
  • Less stress on your heart

However, drinking too much and too close to bedtime can disrupt the sleep cycle and negatively affect heart health, causing nocturia — waking up in the middle of the night to urinate more than once

Research confirms that dehydration can lower your mood by affecting how you sleep and wake up.

 

9. Invest in a Bedtime Playlist

Creating a bedtime playlist can help you begin the process of letting go of your mental attachments. Listening to music while falling asleep has been linked to better sleep in many studies.

 

In a sleep study, 62% of participants reported using music in their nightly routines to help reduce stress.

Even though listening to classical music has been shown to improve sleep, you don’t have to stick to one genre. As long as it aids in your nightly routine, you should be able to sleep better.

 

New trends in audio sleep aids are emerging besides music.

When a sound wave is synthesized, it is at a specific frequency that the brain can perceive and respond to.

Consider how white noise on a television simulates snowfall.

Pink noise is similar to rain or the first snowfall in terms of its softness.

As soothing as the sound of the ocean, brown noise is enveloping.

Relaxation, muscle relaxation, and anxiety dissolution are all aided by these color frequencies.

Try it and see the difference.

 

Final Thoughts

You will surely fall asleep without a bedtime routine.

However, when the lights go out, no one can say for sure how long it will take, or how well you will sleep.

Most of us can’t sleep on command, but routine helps the brain know it’s time to relax and sleep.

So, invest in a bedtime ritual because it’s not how you start; it’s how you finish!

 

 

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                              Another way to think about it. 3

 

We Need to Talk About Deliberate Practice.

It’s a Necessary Evil.

Here’s why you’re not practicing deliberately

 
Photo by Jan Kopřiva on Unsplash

Deliberate practice and side hustle success go hand-in-hand.

 

In fact deliberate practice and success of any sort goes hand-in-hand.

Deliberate practice is different.

 

It’s what James Clear describes as ‘purposeful and systematic’.

“Deliberate practice refers to a special type of practice that is purposeful and systematic. While regular practice might include mindless repetitions, deliberate practice requires focused attention and is conducted with the specific goal of improving performance.”

 

Writing has become a practice for me.

There’s no doubt about that. In fact, it’s become a therapy; I’ll find myself falling down overthinking rabbit holes if I don’t write.

That’s a good thing.

It means I have something that allows my brain to dump its thoughts elsewhere and it feels to me, somehow, like I’m making room for new thoughts.

And letting go of old ones.

But when something becomes a therapy, a habit, a thing you always do, often what gets neglected is the effort to be purposeful.

Habits are automatic.

Tuning your brain in to think purposefully about the words you are writing is a different kettle of fish altogether.

And it can be at your creative detriment.

 

Dancing in a self-pity party

I think I’m practicing deliberately but I’m not.

I realised something that happens when I write.

For instance take this article.

I started this article at 6:22am.

 

I opened the page, rubbed my sleepy eyes and started to ponder what to write about today.

I faffed about on the internet for 10 minutes trying to find inspiration and then got side tracked by the latest political story.

I went downstairs to get a coffee and found myself TikToking.

It was only 10 minutes later when I heard my coffee machine growling that I realised I hadn’t put any water in it. 6:42am.

 

It was then I gave up on the coffee and went back upstairs to write.

I need to write today.

No coffee in hand, I sat back at the desk to type away.

Then to try and find inspiration once more (why don’t I write down the night before what I want to write about?).

I fell into a Twitter, Facebook, LinkedIn, Instagram loop that started innocently but ended up, once more, with politic stories. 6:52am.

 

Right, I need to focus.

Writing is what I should be doing.

I found an article that gave me some guidance and started writing out the key points from an old story that I wanted to pursuit further.

And then thoughts about the day came flooding into my brain, thoughts about yesterday started pouring in, everything was spiralling into a self-pity party even thought there was a clear task at hand. 7:02am.

 

40 minutes later the page was blank.

My mind was empty.

It had not gone to plan.

 

Miscalculations that destroy your side hustle potential

Cartoonist Lena Bonzler tells her tale of getting her cartoons into the New Yorker.

 

It started with a gross miscalculation of the time she was putting into the craft. And I think we’ve all been there.

“Besides, there was a miscalculation: those 8 hours a day I was planning to dedicate entirely to becoming a cartoonist got reduced to approximately one hour, since the rest of the time was spent on doubting myself, criticizing myself, comparing myself to other cartoonists, loathing myself, pitying myself, and trying to get myself out of that emotional black hole I’d gotten myself into. Therefore, instead of three and a half years, it would take me almost thirty years to master that darn skill!”- Lena Bonzler

 

Deliberate practice is just that.

It’s sitting down and typing, building, creating.

It’s doing the do.

It’s moving forwards.

All the time you spend worrying, dreaming, self-loathing is time you are not spending working.

It’s time that you think you are dedicating to your craft but in reality you are fooling yourself.

If you’re not doing the do you’re not deliberately practicing.

 

Mindful side hustling is a power state

Meditation is tool that many people use to combat intruding thoughts.

It’s what successful people around the word use as a way to arm themselves against, well, themselves.

Someone somewhere worked out that constantly beating yourself up isn’t the best use of time so they decided to do something about it.

 

I heard Mel Robbins talk about it once:

“A thought comes into my head and I’ll just go ‘oh there’s a thought’ and I’ll laugh at it.”

 

Imagine that.

Imagine every single time a negative thought flows into your consciousness you laugh.

It would be incredible.

Being able to bat away negative thoughts with a simple chuckle.

Can you imagine how powerful you’d be?

 

I have negative thoughts all the time.

Just writing this article I’ve had 5.

  1. I shouldn’t be writing about side hustles, I only make $250 a month on mine.
  2. I need to be writing about ‘real’ stuff.
  3. I’ve been doing this for 1.5 years, maybe I should give up, I’ve not had much success.
  4. My views are down, maybe that’s a sign of what’s to come.
  5. I could be making more money doing something else.

I tried laughing at those thoughts.

It was weirdly encouraging.

Sometimes those thoughts can be paralysing.

You can feel stuck in the thought loop.

Stunned by your own negativity.

Sometimes it can make you stop altogether and reassess.

Instead of doing you end up searching for answers, as if there are any. You question everything.

 

It ends with this

Deliberate practice is the only way to move.

Focused attention on improving your creative pursuit to achieve the goal you want to.

How might you do that better than today?

Well, reducing the time spent allowing your thoughts to create a pity party is a good start.

 

It’s hard.

This article took me 1.5 hours to write instead of the 30 minutes I hoped.

That means I’m taking 3 times as long to produce the same output because I’m spending 66% of my time thinking about stuff that won’t push me forwards.

 

What to do instead?

Laugh.

Laugh at your thoughts as they enter your mind.

Chuckle and move on.

It’s the way to allow yourself to purposefully and systematically get better.

 

So after months and months of work, my first book is out, you can order it here and get full access to my writing here.

 

 

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                              Another way to think about it. 4

 

The Signs You Are Emotionally Unavailable and How To Fix It

Let Go Of Your Emotional Baggage

C. Daley

 
 
Photo by Kazyavka on Istock

If you're reading this, it is likely that you're emotionally unavailable and you want to know how to change that.

 

You may not be able to change your past, but there are some things you can do right now that will help you start to let go of your emotional baggage.

Being emotionally available doesn't mean being…

 

You can start on the road to emotional availability by working on these steps:

What Does It Mean To Be Emotionally Available?

Emotional availability is a state of mind, not an absence of feelings.

It's the ability to be open and honest about who you are and what you're feeling, and it doesn't mean that you'll never have bad days - it just means that you're willing to share your experiences with others.

 

If you want to be emotionally available, start by working on these seven steps:

1) Practice self-love.

2) Practice self-awareness.

3) Communicate openly and honestly with others.

4) Don't make assumptions about other people's emotions or intentions.

5) Be assertive when someone tries to take advantage of you.

6) Give other people the same benefit of the doubt that you would want from them.

 

Why Is Emotional Availability Important?

The first step to becoming emotionally available is understanding why it's important.

If you were to ask people what they want most in a relationship, they would probably say someone who is loving and caring.

Emotional availability is about being open and honest with yourself and your partner.

It comes from the understanding that nobody wants to feel lonely or vulnerable all the time.

 

Being emotionally unavailable can lead you into trouble, which is why it's important to be aware of your own behavior and how it affects those around you. You will then be able to work on changing it for the better.

 

How Can I Fix My Emotional Unavailability?

You can start on the road to emotional availability by working on these seven steps:

 

1. Learn about yourself.

What is your family like?

What do you find attractive in others?

This will help eliminate any potential roadblocks for what you want in a relationship and what you need from a relationship respectively.

 

2. Understand where your fears come from and how they can affect your relationships.

For example, if fear of rejection is holding you back, then reach out to people and ask for what you want – even if it's just saying hello – and see how they react.

 

3. Share with someone close to you what troubles you so they can offer support or at least understanding as well as connect with them more deeply—a great way to improve intimacy with another person is by sharing something emotionally

 

The Seven Steps To Start Becoming Emotionally Available.

1. Consider the idea of emotional availability for a few minutes to see what comes up.

2. Accept that you are not perfect and will make mistakes, but that you are willing to learn from them and try your best to change your ways.

3. Stop playing the victim and blaming others for your unhappiness; take responsibility for your situation and work on it instead.

4. Start small by taking care of yourself first, practicing self-love and being kind to yourself in any way you can think of before you reach out to others for help with their problems.

5. Take a break from social media—it is a breeding ground for comparisons and unhealthy comparisons can lead to feeling inadequate or bad about yourself in an attempt to compete with others' perfection when in reality, no one has it all together all the time.

6. Practice mindfulness so when feelings of anger or frustration start bubbling up, they have somewhere to go besides outwardly at someone else or inwardly at yourself — mindfulness can help diffuse those feelings before they turn into something more harmful like depression or substance abuse

 

Let Go Of The Past

 

To become emotionally available, you have to let go of the past.

Sometimes, this is easier said than done.

It may help to read a book about emotional baggage and how to cleanse it from your life.

You may also find that meditation or yoga helps you move on from the past.

If you can't let go of the past, it will always hold you back from living in the present and growing your future.

 

Accept Your Feelings

Everyone has feelings, and there's no need to be embarrassed about them.

In fact, by the time you reach the point where you're emotionally unavailable, it is a given that you've made a habit of not dealing with your feelings.

 

It's important to accept that feeling your emotions is nothing to be ashamed of.

It takes courage to admit that you're having a difficult time and allow yourself to feel those emotions. By accepting these emotions, you'll be able to work through them.

 

Be Open And Honest

The first step in getting too emotionally available is opening up to yourself and the world. It might be difficult at first, but it will get easier.

You'll need to learn how to put your feelings into words and to be honest when you're talking about your feelings with someone else.

Being open and honest doesn't mean sharing everything in your life with everyone you meet: it means being open and honest with someone who's important in your life and feels the same way about you.

 

Connect With People

People want to be in healthy, fulfilling relationships.

If you can connect with others and share who you are, it will help you become more emotionally available.

It doesn't matter if this is in a work setting or personal relationship, connecting with people will make you more likely to get what you want out of life.

 

Share Your Emotions

The first step to being emotionally available is not bottling up your emotions.

When you feel strong emotions, share them with the people you care about.

 

Don't expect other people to guess what you're feeling or want because it will only lead to frustration. By sharing your emotions, you are acknowledging the person's worth and validating their feelings. You'll also be able to receive help from the person, whether that means receiving a hug or getting advice on how to handle a situation.

 

Signs You Are Emotionally Unavailable And How

To Fix It.

If you are emotionally unavailable, it can often be hard to recognize that you are not being open.

You may feel that your lack of emotional availability is justified because you're too busy or too tired. However, if there are signs that you are emotionally unavailable, you should take some time to work on them now.

Emotional availability is an important quality for any partner to have.

It has been linked to having more successful relationships and being happier in general.

 

Here are some signs you may be emotionally unavailable:

-You don't want commitment

-You try to avoid conflict

-You use your job as a shield against getting close to people

-You are often too busy or too tired for intimacy with your partner

If any of these apply to you, it's time to work on changing yourself for the better.

 

C. Daley is an author of Self-help books and Health and Wellness articles. Cdpublishing.net

 

 

 

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Another way to think about it. 5

 

Eleven Short Rules to Access the Good Life

Waking up in a pool of your own piss isn’t the good life.

 
Photo by Woody Kelly on Unsplash

I pissed the bed one night (as a grown adult).

I shouldn’t admit that.

 

At one of the lowest points in my life, I would numb the pain of mental illness with alcohol.

That evening I hit the nightclubs.

I got smashed in front of potential mates who I thought might hit the sack with me.

Nothing.

 

I got so drunk I was slurring my words. We left one club and tried to go to a new one.

“Sorry matey, you’re too hammered,” the security guard said firmly.

So we drank tequila in the street behind the club. I eventually stumbled home in a taxi.

I passed out on my bed. I was so drunk that vomit foamed out of my mouth.

I slept in it.

When I woke up, I was lying in a pool of bright yellow urine.

 

As a grown adult I’d got so drunk and pissed myself without realizing it.

 

I’ve never been so embarrassed.

I washed the sheets and got the doona dry-cleaned.

The stain, unfortunately, got on the mattress.

The remainder of one of the lowest moments in my life … was too great.

I went and spent $995 on a new mattress to cover up my night of devastation.

 

Around the world, life events — funerals, weddings, firings, new jobs, breakups, engagements — get celebrated with alcohol.

It’s a form of liquid confidence that’s supposed to make life better.

Numbness is meant to cure pain. The opposite is true.

Short rule: give up alcohol.

 

Keep a dangerously open mind

It’s impossible for a man to learn what he thinks he already knows — Epictetus

 

There are infinite possibilities.

You can literally do thousands of things in your life. Why don’t you?

Strangers and friends shut down your dreams with their opinions.

 

“You can do that, pal.

That’s already been done.

That’s impossible.”

We stupidly listen to closed minds without realizing it.

 

An open mind connected to the internet will always find opportunities.

A closed mind says “Nope, I searched google and found nothing.”

Whatever you want to do, you can do it with an open mind.

Delete closed minds from your life.

Seek out open minds to flood your brain with killer ideas.

 

Create passive income (not how you think)

Step away from the soapbox.

I said a naughty phrase: passive income.

I’m sorry.

Hear me out.

 

Many believe that passive income is a way to quit our jobs and never work again.

Wrong.

The point of passive income is to switch from work you do to pay bills to work you, love.

There’s a transition that doesn’t happen overnight.

Why?

All income starts as active income.

You have to work hard to generate it.

Over time the fruits of your labor convert into passive income sources that do the work while you sleep. Once the life problem of money gets solved you’re free to create.

 

The good life is overflowing with creativity, not modern-day reactivity.

 

Make friends with hard to reach people

Most of my network is full of normal people, or those who are slightly above my own results.

Hard to reach people are often ignored.

You don’t want to email anyone who has achieved big results because you fear rejection. One reaches out won’t cut it either.

You’re not stupid, you know that.

 

It takes upwards of ten emails over a long time (often years) to ever get a response.

So most people don’t do it.

Wrong.

Get back in the game. Fall in love again with the thrill of the chase.

  • Reach out
  • Get ignored
  • Try again in three months with a new pitch
  • Get ignored
  • Repeat the process for many years

What I’ve found is they will eventually reply.

Your name is like an item for sale.

We usually don’t see something once and then buy it.

We see a brand or consumer good multiple times.

It’s etched into the back of our heads.

Then one day we go “ahhh, I need a new car.”

All those Tesla ads then make you go, “electric car this time? … TESLA!”

 

Make it a habit to contact people that are smarter than you.

Pro tip: remove self-interest from your message.

It will 10X the reply rate.

 

Have one revelation per day

Today I had a revelation: cryptocurrencies are just tech stocks.

Once per day I try to have one of these.

I stumble across them by looking in my Roam notepad and going over everything I’ve consumed. There’s gold in there.

Another revelation I had came after reading about astronauts.

When they go to space they no longer see race.

They’re looking down on Earth together.

Up there they all come from the same place because of their zoomed-out view of the world.

Australia and the USA look like they’re close together.

 

Reflect on all you’ve read at the end of the day.

Aha moments will happen.

 

Practice life-changing discipline

This one’s not about becoming a navy seal and screaming “I am the greatest!”

Discipline is a foundational skill for a good life.

When you choose a habit, discipline is why you make it a pattern.

Habits lead to a radical change of life over time — if practiced enough.

 

The habit that changed my life is writing.

The hardest days to write are when I’ve gone through some crazy sh*t and don’t feel like it.

On those days, habits are all I’ve got.

Discipline is often destroyed on bad days.

The solution is, lower the performance on your bad days so that your discipline streak keeps going. A life without discipline is easy.

 

Easy choices, hard life.

Disciplined choices, good life.

 

Give yourself a break

You can aim for a good life all you want.

Someone or something is going to take a dump on your parade. Or…

You’ll F up.

 

When I’m tired I can easily make mistakes.

I’ve made a few big ones recently.

The temptation is to sit there and give yourself a death sentence.

Don’t.

Life is hard, mistakes will happen, your mind will let you down.

Forgiveness is great when used on other people. It’s a superpower when used on yourself — and leads to the good life.

 

Give up on being normal

A good life isn’t a normal one.

Normalcy is mediocrity.

 

It’s the life many people lead, where gatekeepers control what they can and can’t do.

They’re pawn pieces on a chessboard that get thrown to the wolves the moment a king or queen enters the game.

If we were to play a video game for the first time, and I told you that you only got one turn and then could never play it again, what would you do?

You’d go all out and blow up, screw up, mess up, and have an absolute party before your onscreen avatar goes away and it’s game over.

 

The good life is no different.

Play it all out.

Go nuts.

 

Go to this bizarre festival

I went to an LGBT event the other night for fun.

I was the only straight person in the room.

Another dude and I played a game of Jenga. It was a nailbiter.

In the end, he whipped out his phone to show me the Harbin Ice Festival.

 
Image Credit–GettyImages

It’s a festival in Asia where an entire city gets built from ice.

The man told me he flew to the other side of the world to see it, right before coroni-macaroni.

The risk paid off.

See the world.

See beauty.

Don’t take a picture, I dare ya.

 

Do stuff that scares you out of your mind

I once read how podcaster Tim Ferriss went to the silent treatment.

You can’t talk, look at phones, or do really anything for ten days.

 

On day two Tim had an episode.

All the silence brought up childhood memories of being molested as a little boy.

As crazy as it sounds, Tim says the ten days of silence is one of the scariest things he’s ever done.

 

After hearing about it I’m intrigued.

So I’m booking my own silent retreat to learn about my dark side.

Discomfort is where the deepest insights come from.

You get to observe your mind in difficult situations, and in the process, rewire it.

 

Remain stupidly optimistic

About 2 years ago, the coroni outbreak began.

The fear, division, loss of common humanity & the failure of institutions all challenged my hope for the future.

But I remain optimistic.

I believe this pandemic has inspired millions of young minds to help build a better future

Lex Fridman

 

The doomsdayers will say humanity is screwed. If you apply rational thought to events that occur then this is a logical conclusion.

The problem is you’ll never experience the good life.

 

The shortest rule of all is this…

Never discount human ingenuity.

We can solve the most complex problems.

Just not how you think it will happen — the beauty of the good life.

 

 

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Another way to think about it. 6

 

10 Quick Steps That Focus You On Your Dreams

 
Lukas Schwekendiek
  1. Make It Emotional — The stronger your emotions the easier it is to invest into your goals.
  2. Know The Cost — What are price are you paying to procrastinate? Is this worth it?
  3. Dump 99% Of What You Are Doing — Focus only on the 1% that will actually lead you to your goal.
  4. “Eat that Frog” by Brian Tracy Do the hardest thing first.
  5. Reward Yourself — Create a positive cycle of reinforcement surrounding your goal.
  6. Set Reminders — A lot of the time you simply forget about it.
  7. Spend Quality Time Wasting Time — If you are going to waste time at least do it actively and get something out of it.
  8. Allow It To Suck — Being productive does not always feel good.
  9. Be Honest — Of course, you would rather waste time. Does that justify doing it though?
  10. Take A Deep Breath — Sometimes that’s all you need.

 

 

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                                    Another way to think about it. 7

 

It’s Time to Face the Truth.

Don’t wait for bad things to happen, start now.
Madison Schott

 

 

Why is it that it’s when we are at our lowest point everything starts making sense?

 

At least for me, it does.

Sometimes I am living life on autopilot, acting without thinking about the consequences of my choices.

But then something happens that jolts me out of that autopilot mode.

 

When I get that jolt, my self-awareness kicks into overdrive.

I start questioning everything I am doing and it all starts to click.

I uncover a lot of the root beliefs for why I’m acting a certain way.

I know I’m lucky when it comes to this.

Some people wouldn’t know self-awareness if it hit them in the face at 60mph.

But, why does it take a major life event to shake us into this mode of being aware of our thoughts, beliefs, and actions?

Shouldn’t these be qualities we are uncovering about ourselves each day?

 

My own experience

It took me going through a hard moment to realize why I don’t have many friends.

I always thought it was because nobody understood me.

I thought there was nobody out there that had the same interests, hopes, and values as I did.

 

All this time I would shut out friendships because I was judging them under a microscope.

I would see so many flaws before even giving them a real chance.

I was so scared of repeating the hurt I had felt in previous friendships.

 

Deep down I was telling myself I was unworthy of human connection.

I was too different.

I would never be understood.

But I was attracting all the wrong types of people and shutting out the good ones.

 

Bad things are good things in disguise.

Sometimes we need bad things to happen to us so they can show us where our sailboat was veering off its course.

While they suck at the moment, they help us change back in the right direction of where we are supposed to be headed.

 

Imagine if everything was always “good”.

By the time our lives ended, we are at a destination halfway around the globe from where we wished we were?

You don’t want that.

I sure don’t want that.

 

Our low points in life are us coming to terms with the truth.

Not the truth that anyone else created for us, but the truth we created for ourselves.

We are always in control of our destination, whether we realize it or not.

 

We oftentimes like to blame others for the things that go wrong in our lives.

Yet, others’ actions and reactions are a mirror of ourselves. They are showing us what we need to work on internally.

Anytime you let someone else dictate how you feel you are uncovering insecurity about yourself. Always look at every interaction with others as a chance to discover more about yourself.

Own it!

Who doesn’t love another opportunity to improve themselves?

We only have ourselves in this life so let’s make ourselves the best damn person we can be.

 

Conclusion

Let’s try not to wait until the hard stuff to finally tell ourselves the truth.

Let’s listen to the truth every single day, whether we want to hear it or not. This may require us to sit still with our thoughts more than we are used to.

 

Journal your feeling, meditate every morning, and do more things alone.

These all help us build our inner sense of awareness and bring the truth to light.

Don’t wait for the messiness of life to stop you in your tracks before venturing on the journey to self-improvement.

Beat the messiness.

Intercept it.

It’s easier to do the work of uncovering your truths when you’re in a stable place.

Not when you’re already on your hands and knees.

 

What’s one thing you’ve been burying deep and hiding from yourself for too long?

Come face-to-face with it.

Now is your moment.

Be honest with yourself and tell yourself the truth.

Set your sailboat back in the direction it’s meant to be headed.

 

 

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  Another way to think about it. 8

 

3 Signs The Universe is Leading You Where You’re Meant to Go

When you’re tuned in to the universe, life becomes a lot less confusing

 
When you stay in alignment and in flow with the universe, life will always lead you where you need to go. (Photo: Jan Alexander)

1. A Synchronicity of Events

Have you ever experienced a situation where something repeatedly occurs in your life in different places and at different times?

Do you often see repeating numbers and you feel it in your bones it's no coincidence?

I have.

 

It's called synchronicity and is a common way to receive messages and directions from Spirit. Synchronicity is when the universe within you aligns with the universe outside of you.

 

When you’re aligned with the universe, you're highly aware and self-aware and there’s no way you’re going to miss out on important messages and the abundance the universe has to offer.

 

Whether it's through repeating numbers, symbols, animals, songs, or whatever keeps showing up in your path, it could be a sign that the universe is leading you somewhere to help you evolve.

 

The more you awaken and grow spiritually, the easier it’ll be able to catch these synchronicities at play in your life.

Through synchronicity, the universe shows you signs that you're supposed to do or warns you about something you must not or stop doing.

 

When you’re aligned with the universe, there’s no way you’re going to miss out on important messages.

2. Strange Conversations With People

A strange-looking gentleman says something to you on the bus and it's got you thinking about life in a much deeper way.

It triggers something within you and now you're determined to make a change that will turn your life around for the better.

You see, we are part of the universe and so the universe can use us as vessels to deliver messages to people that will lead them where they need to go.

It's a good idea to remain open-minded because messages will come when and where you least expect them so it can leave a bigger impact on you.

 

Not everything you hear is a message from the universe, but some are divine messages that are in your best interest to receive.

Messages can be through anybody at all.

Friends, foes, and family.

It can even be through something you hear on the radio or something you read that keeps you up all night in deep thought, questioning everything.

 

Most people are gifted with the ability to receive signs and messages from the universe and bring it to those who need to hear them.

But we must remain aware and open to receiving the messages in a timely manner.

Failing to get the message can lead to where you’re not meant to go.

 

It’s a good idea to remain open-minded because messages will come where you least expect them.

3. Everything is Falling Apart

There are times when life feels like death.

When thoughts make you feel like you want out.

No matter what you do, it doesn't seem to get better and you wonder if it gets worse.

It gets worse.

 

You lose your job.

Your cheating partner cheats again, and you know it's the last straw.

 You get into a car accident with no insurance coverage.

The person you want isn't interested in you and someone you love dies.

You just don't know anymore.

 

When you feel like you don’t know, it's the best time to learn.

There’s always a much bigger plan and everything happens for a reason.

There are no accidents or coincidences.

 

Everything has a purpose.

 

When life feels like it's falling apart; when the skies seem like it's falling on top of your head, it forces you to open your eyes to search for the purpose behind it all. It leads you to search for meaning.

 

The lessons you learn from all those experiences shape and prepare you for the work you came here to do.

When it feels like it’s all falling apart, it is, but it falls apart just to be put back together on solid ground.

When life feels like it’s falling apart; when the skies seem like it’s falling on top of your head, it forces you to wake up.

 

Bonus Sign — Random Brilliant Thoughts and Ideas

Thoughts and ideas that light a fire inside of you are almost always divine messages to pursue something.

Ignoring them could be ignoring an opportunity for a better life.

If all of a sudden you have a strong desire to do something, and you feel positive emotions, it could be the universe pushing you toward a new thing.

It could be divine guidance.

Because the universe is always in flow and you are a part of the universe, when you stay in alignment and in flow with the universe, life will always lead you where you need to go so you can do the things you agreed to do.

 

 

 

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    Another way to think about it. 9

 

4 Things You Must Experience Before Leaving This Earth

Some moments will change who you are — forever.

Editorial rights purchased via iStock Photos

When I die, Cthulu’s spaceship may come to whisk my soul to the Mu’ugalah dimension.

 

Or perhaps Jesus, Allah, or another traditional deity will be waiting and I’ll have some explaining to do.

Either way, I’ll know these four experiences completely changed my life and will change yours too — if you let them happen.

 

The depths of the ocean

I spent my early years in the Philippines in Subic Bay (my dad was stationed there).

We lived on Base Housing, where life was similar to living in an everyday American neighborhood.

 

There were exceptions, such as the monkeys who deftly climbed barbwire fencing without injuring themselves — that came to eat the bananas we threw out for them.

During the rainy season, the sun vanished for weeks and the downfall never ceased.

I loved it.

As a 6–year-old, there was nothing more fun than running through the warm rain with other boys.

 

When we went “off base” we were confronted with stark contrast: life in a developing nation.

We saw boiling hot rice paddy fields, with men toiling in the sun behind oxen.

They sludged through hot, muddy water that went up to their knees.

This was the bleak future for so many children.

The shanty houses looked leaky and worse for wear.

Electrical wires dangled from telephone poles, haphazardly patched in spots that screamed fire hazard.

I went to a Filipino boy’s birthday party where I was greeted by a dead pig on a table with an apple in its mouth.

This was a luxury for them.

I didn’t eat pork for a few years after that.

 

If you can manage it, spend some time abroad in a developing country.

You’ll realize that “lower class” has a very different definition in other places.

You’ll appreciate so many things you take for granted: roads without massive potholes, clean running water, having a social safety net.

 

Most of us are more blessed than we can possibly ever appreciate, myself included.

Travel to a poorer country.

Enjoy yourself — but learn from it.

 

A tricky request that I don’t know how to engineer

Millions of people have never experienced belly-hurting laughter and are well into adulthood.

Not even once.

And to be fair, it’s only happened to me twice as an adult.

The therapeutic effects are real.

You feel this tired, warm, fuzzy, happy feeling afterward. It’s like a healthy hangover.

 

The strange thing about hysterical laughter is that it’s so hard to replicate.

The last time it happened: a friend showed me this very xxx quirky picture on his phone from under the table —while we were in a fine dining restaurant.

 

I spent the next 20 minutes trying not to laugh (and failing) with everyone staring at me.

He’d given my psychological ticklish spot a good ol’oochie goochie goo.

There’s nothing like being caught off guard, ambushed by something you weren’t expected, and being left with no choice but to laugh — super, super hard.

 

The true power of love

I grew up in the post-American Pie Bro culture.

I was never in a fraternity but lived in a fraternity-adjacent world in college and high school. So much noise was made about having one-night stands and casual sex.

 

In hindsight, one-night stands, even when the person is hot, are super overrated.

You are both typically drunk as hell.

The morning is super awkward because you have no idea who this person is.

 

You have to figure out how to say goodbye or get them out of your apartment.

Without getting into the gory details, you’ll find that sex with a person you genuinely love takes the cake.

It shows you, through a proxy, just how hollow and vapid hookup culture is.

So many of you go through life getting a half-baked version of making love.

You never experience looking someone in the eyes, telling them you love them, and knowing they feel the same way.

 

A life lived as your own

Flipping the coin on the previous point, there’s an abundance of people hanging on to relationships that are absolutely dreadful.

 

There’s a beautiful woman I knew, with a beaming smile, brown hair, and piercing angular eyes.

She was a straight-up stunner with a great personality and career.

 

And she couldn’t have dated a more massive loser.

Not only that, she was basically begging the guy to stay in a relationship with her.

The dude had zero redeeming qualities and I don’t say that as a petty, jealous onlooker.

 

There’s an old Buddhist quote, “Let go or be dragged.”

 

Think of a waterskier who falls but still hangs on.

Or a person holding the reins of a horse after falling.

It never ends well.

And it’s perfectly analogous to my friend’s situation.

 

Having now been on both sides of it, I understand now that this is how love works.

It makes us irrational and very often, we have no idea we’re being irrational (“I Am sOoOoO not bEiNg irRaAtIoNaL.”)

 

We can’t see how we are hurting ourselves and losing our dignity in the process.

Try living free and on your own.

Don’t date.

Don’t look for a relationship.

If someone asks you out, no matter how cute or nice they seem — say no.

Go full monk mode for just 3–6 months.

 

It can feel scary and risky.

But you’ll feel an abundance of freedom with that energy removed.

Your entire identity and psychology will feel different.

You’ll learn a lot about yourself and the power of independence.

Stay disciplined.

This is especially true for serial monogamists, who don’t end their relationship until lining up their next partner.

 

Recap for memory: four things you must do before you leave this earth

  1. Go live (or spend a few weeks) in a developing country.
  2. Be left with no choice but to heave with laughter.
  3. Experience an intimacy where you both love each other on the truest terms.
  4. Go live and be truly single with the door closed for a few months.

 

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                           Another way to think. 10

 

Top 10 Power Skills You Should Learn This Year

There’s nothing soft about power skills

 
Top 10 power skills you should learn this year
Photo by Zsolt Joo from Pexels

It’s time to change our vocabulary and start saying power skills instead of soft skills.

 

Soft skills and powerful skills are the same.

They are universal skills that don’t apply to one specific job.

Soft skills get a bad rap.

 

Everyone wants hard skills — abilities that help you meet your job-specific responsibilities.

They can be measured and can be learned through school or on-the-job training.

 

Power skills are about our mindset.

They are about our thinking.

They are about our ability to manage our daily work operations, our mental health, navigating social situations, and our understanding of personal biases.

Power skills are less-defined skills such as leadership, productivity, personal development, strategic thinking, listening, and communication.

There’s nothing soft about power skills.

Power skills are the keys to future-proofing your career.

 

According to Udemy Business Workplace Learning Trends Report, they have skyrocketed in demand recently.

For example, leadership development is a powerful skill that has become a priority for companies as they need leaders to effect change, spearhead strategy, and motivate teams.

 

What are the top 10 power skills that you should learn this year?

Let’s dive in.

 

1. Leadership Development

Leadership development is for every employee, not just those with “manager” in their job title.

Many informal leaders who don’t have a fancy job title are very influential at work.

Research has found that companies that provide leadership training to all employees are four times more likely to outperform those who don’t.

Key takeaway: Ask yourself these questions to determine your leadership potential.

 

2. Business Writing

Effective business writing is about keeping your writing clear and concise.

It’s about knowing your audience, not using buzzwords, organizing your ideas thoughtfully, using active voice, avoiding grammar errors, and expressing confidence in your writing.

Key takeaway: Business writing is about establishing your credibility and trustworthiness, and each article must be well-written.

 

3. Critical Thinking

Critical thinking is about analyzing information and understanding the connection between ideas and facts

. There are many benefits of critical thinking, such as validating an argument from an opinion on a topic, engaging in deeper connections with colleagues, determining how to improve the quality of your work, and improving conversations.

Critical thinking helps you think in an organized and rational manner.

Key takeaway: Critical thinking is about fixing the flaws in the way we think.

 

4. Productivity

Productivity is not about working tons of hours every day.

With employees continuing to work from home and shifting toward a hybrid work world, productivity is more critical than ever before.

Productivity is about how you become less stressed and more effective.

Productivity is about saying “no” to unnecessary meetings and tasks.

Key takeaway: Maximize your daily to-do list.

 

5. Problem Solving

Solving problems is about making choices and becoming more resilient because you tackle challenges differently.

Problem-solving is about having the right mindset.

To solve problems, you must be relentlessly curious, embrace ambiguity, view the situation from different perspectives, and listen to others.

Key takeaway: Great problem solvers are made, not born.

 

6. Personal Development

You will be exponentially better a year from now if you get 1% better each day.

Small successes will help you develop because continuous improvement works.

 

Personal development is about getting into the right mindset and not achieving your goals overnight. When you become mentally stronger, make minor tweaks, set goals with measurable milestones, and are consistent, you can be better in your personal and professional life.

Key takeaway: Become 1% better every day.

 

7. Wellness

Wellness is about valuing mental health, managing stress, getting a good night’s sleep, having a good diet, and healthy thinking.

Wellness happens during and after the workday.

It’s about ensuring that you have a healthy personal and professional life that has become interwoven.

Key takeaway: Wellness directly impacts our daily actions and emotions, so we need to adopt techniques that reduce stress, lower the risk of illness, and ensure positive interactions.

 

8. Microsoft PowerPoint

Microsoft PowerPoint is a presentation software program that can help you give effective presentations.

When you have skills in PowerPoint, you can keep your audience from feeling overwhelmed with your presentation.

You can add compelling images, customize color schemes, add animations, build-out slides with transitions, add speaker notes, use a template, create charts and tables, and know how to use different views and display modes.

Key takeaway: Great presentations inspire audiences to take action.

 

9. Time Management

When you have proficient time management, you get more done in less time, achieve what you want faster, and feel more energized.

Time management helps you reduce stress, prioritize your time, and clarify your goals. You complete your important tasks and achieve bigger and better outcomes when you optimize time management.

Key takeaway: Turn your to-do list into scheduled blocks of time so you can focus on your priorities.

 

10. Fitness

Physical fitness is about your physical and mental health. You can improve sports performance and daily work activities through proper nutrition, exercise, and rest (there are five types). Fitness is about mental sharpness, muscular strength and endurance, body composition, and flexibility.

Key takeaway: Discover how regular exercise can boost your daily happiness.

 

Bringing It All Together

There is nothing soft about having power skills.

You should make sure you work on these 10 power skills this year to ensure you are growing your career and skill set.

These skills are leadership development, business writing, critical thinking, productivity, problem-solving, personal development, wellness, Microsoft PowerPoint, time management, and fitness.

 

If you want to know what you should prioritize this year, reference this article to understand what’s hot now and what skills will define the future of work.

These power skills will successfully lead you and your company into the future.

 

“Every skill you acquire doubles your odds of success.” — Scott Adams, an American author

 
 

 

 

 

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Another way to think about it. 11

 

I Had To Find The Root Cause of My Social Anxiety to Finally Heal

Or rather, I had to eliminate the root cause.

 
Save and Plant Trees, Save Earth and Nature, Stand For Trees, Save Forests and Heal the Climate by IrynaKhabliuk

It’s difficult to talk about social anxiety.

 

It presents in so many different ways, and it can manifest itself at almost any stage of life.

For some people, social anxiety causes them to avoid social situations and become very introverted. For others, it wreaks havoc on their…

 

I had to find the root cause of social anxiety before I was able to heal from this debilitating condition that altered my life for so long.

I’ve never been good at talking about myself or sharing my story, but that has changed.

Since I learned more about social anxiety and how mental disorders work, I’ve come to realize that the root cause of all social anxiety is fear.

 

Do You Know The Root Cause Of Social Anxiety?

The root cause of all social anxiety attacks is fear.

When we fear being judged by others, when we fear judgment for ourselves, when we don’t fit into societal norms, or when we believe that it will be worse if we are judged — these are all triggers for our fears of embarrassment.

 

These fears of embarrassment are actually just fears of judgment.

This is why I can relate to so many people with social anxiety who say that they don’t know what caused it.

They feel as though it’s something that just happened to them, but I think that it’s something we’ve experienced and maybe even taught ourselves to believe.

 

Many people can remember a time when someone singled out, criticized, or judged them.

I know that I can.

My story is not unique.

There’s a chance that you’ve experienced this too, but judging the situation was all in your head.

 

I grew up in a small town where everyone is white.

I’m not.

My father is black and my mother is white.

I never felt like I fit in.

Not with my family, not with the kids at school, and not in my town.

 

I always felt like I was different or that there was something wrong with me.

I know now that this was a fear of judgment.

I was afraid to stand up for myself.

I was afraid of others who were different than me.

I was afraid of looking bad in front of others.

I was afraid of being judged for my appearance or who I was.

I also learned to be afraid of social situations because judgments about me were made during those moments in the past.

I grew up thinking that there was something wrong with me and that others were judging me negatively for existing. This mindset manifested itself into fear and social anxiety.

 

How to Heal From Social Anxiety When the Root Cause Is Fear

We can heal from our fears by identifying them and making sure they are not rooted in judgment or criticism.

In order to do this, we need to ask ourselves some questions.

Do you think that you are at fault for making judgments about other people?

Do you believe that others are at fault for judging you?

Do you really think that there is something wrong with who you are or how you look?

Are your thoughts of feeling insecure and being judged realistic or unrealistic?

 

When I asked myself these questions, I realized that I had developed a fear-based belief system.

I had learned to be afraid of judgment and criticism.

It wasn’t right to feel this way either.

Rather than actually experiencing judgment from others, my fears were just thoughts in my own head based on things that had happened in the past.

Fear prevented me from moving forward.

Fear prevented me from being in social situations and being happy.

 

As the years slipped by, these fears were reinforced and I learned to accept how I felt.

At some point, I didn’t believe in myself.

That’s when my anxiety attacks started.

It was a habit of mine because I believed that it would be worse if I stood out.

Social anxiety was all over me and it didn’t stop until I found the root cause of social anxiety to finally heal from this debilitating condition that altered my life for so long.

 

Be Aware of the Root Cause of Social Anxiety

The more we allow ourselves to believe in social anxiety as the reason why we’re afraid, the more we reinforce it.

Once we accept that social anxiety is a product of our fears, it becomes easier to take control.

We can recognize when we’re being defensive or when someone else is trying to attack us.

We can also learn to focus on people and how they make us feel instead of what they might be thinking about us.

We can learn to see past our fears and realize that even if someone else has a terrible opinion of us, it’s not scary if we know what caused them to think that way.

 

For example, a child who is told that they are too loud or annoying will begin to fear judgment and pre-judgment from others.

This causes them to self-censor because of imagined judgments from those around them.

This leads to social anxiety and avoidance of any person or place they believe may judge them — even if it’s only in their own minds.

 

The reality is, many people have judged themselves at one point in their lives for something that they believe is true about themselves.

A person who believes that they are not worth anything will begin to feel inferior to others.

A teenager who is told that they will end up flipping burgers for the rest of their life because they lack the intelligence to do much more will feel a sense of shame and inadequacy.

 

This is why I believe that everyone with social anxiety must find the root cause of social anxiety and rid themselves of it before they can truly heal.

The good news is, social anxiety can be cured — but only if we remove its root cause. Knowing what caused your social anxiety is an important first step in healing from social anxiety and having empowering relationships with those around you.

 

Face Your Fears

Before you can heal, you must be willing to face your fears and embrace the acceptance that it takes to get better.

Only then will you be able to recognize when people are giving you a piece of their mind or judging you for no reason.

That’s when the real healing process will begin.

 

If we start believing that social anxiety is something that we need to be afraid of, it will perpetuate our fear.

However, if we believe that we are capable of overcoming this condition, we can embrace who we really are and heal ourselves from these self-limiting beliefs instead.

It’s not about changing yourself for others; it’s about changing who you are so that you aren’t so fearful of how others will view you.

This is why we have to be our own best friend — so that we can harness our confidence and power for ourselves, not against ourselves.

 

I used to believe that I wasn’t worthy.

I didn’t deserve love or happiness.

It was a lie that I believed and accepted because of my fears of embarrassment and judgment from others — that is until I learned the truth about why social anxiety attacks started in the first place.

I learned that the root cause of social anxiety is fear and I can change this fear into love, acceptance, and empowerment.

 

You Can Heal

I’ve found that the best way to overcome social anxiety is by learning self-acceptance through healing from my past trauma.

 

I want you to enjoy life and stop worrying about other people’s opinions of you.

 

It may take time and energy to heal from this condition, but it will be worth it in the end.

You can heal by learning how to love yourself more than anyone else.

 

Once you learn to do this, you will be able to let go of your fears and embrace yourself for who you really are.

You’re not a product of the judgments, opinions, or criticisms of others; you are a person who is worthy of love and joy simply because you exist.

 

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Another way to think about.  12

 

10 Mistakes to Avoid in Life Before It’s Too Late

An important warning to your future self.

“It’s never too late.”

 

Well… not quite.

Sure, it’s technically never too late to make a change—no matter how long you’ve waited, how old you are, or how little time you have left.

 

But it’s far better to avoid key mistakes in life before it gets to the point of actually being “too late.” Because once that happens, you’ll put yourself in a difficult position and have to fight an uphill battle the rest of the way.

 

That’s why, in this article, I want to share ten critical mistakes to avoid in your life. If you stop doing them now, you can improve your happiness, success, health, relationships, and more—with plenty of time to spare.

 

1. Not Saying “No”

Let’s do an unofficial experiment: Have you ever had an annoying and difficult situation that you could’ve solved by just saying “no” in the first place?

I rest my case.

 

Saying “no” creates boundaries around negative people or situations and protects your mental and emotional health. It also protects your time as well as other people’s time.

 

Yet many people are afraid to say “no.”

They resentfully do things they don't want and get themselves into bad situations—and by the time they try to correct course, it’s often too late.

Often, they’re afraid to say “no” because they “don’t want to hurt other people’s feelings.”

But that’s a lie.

What they’re really afraid of is that other people won’t like them anymore because they say “no.”

 

My advice: Get over yourself.

It's far better to say no clearly instead of being noncommittal and confusing the hell out of everyone. The other person might be upset in the short term, but in the long term, you gain so much.

(And don't be surprised if they respect you more for having boundaries.)

 

2. Seeking Approval

Many people waste so much time seeking approval.

They do so many things in life—get a specific career, buy a specific home, etc.—just to prove themselves, get validation, and boost their self-worth.

 

But ultimately, they end up meaningless pursuits and they’ll still feel unworthy because they never addressed the lack they feel inside.

 

No matter what you accomplish (or don’t), you’ll always be just as worthy as you are right now.

You’ll always be just as worthy as everyone else.

So stop feeling the need to “prove yourself.” Start doing things because you actually enjoy them, not because of what other people might think of you.

Get off this cycle of seeking validation and be free.

It’ll make it a helluva lot easier to live a life of joy, fulfillment, and purpose.

 

3. Being a Victim

I wasted years of my life playing the “victim card.”

Woe is me… my boss is a ____, the system is _____, I’m Asian, I’m short, etc.

 

But empowering my excuses drained my energy, created a lot of unhappiness and resentment, and did nothing for me.

 

Sadly, I see this sooo much, especially nowadays.

Look, I’m not saying your plight isn’t difficult or unfair. (And I definitely want to avoid the “my plight could kick your plight’s ass” debate.)

But the longer you complain about it, stew about it, and let it affect every single moment of your life, the more you'll limit your success while mistakenly blaming everything else—and the more you’ll waste your life.

 

After all, there are many people who have endured far worse conditions than you yet have achieved far more than you.

Instead, take full ownership of everything in your control.

As Greg Harden would say, "Control the controllables.”

As you do this more, you’ll feel more empowered, build momentum, and see your opportunities grow.

 

4. Too Many Mindless Distractions

It’s so easy to be distracted nowadays.

Whether it’s notifications, games, websites, etc., seemingly everything is geared to pull you down a rabbit hole of clicks, entertainment, and distractions.

 

But you don’t want to look back on your life and regret all the time you wasted on those diversions. (According to projections, the average person will spend over 8 years of their life watching TV and almost 7 years on social media.)

 

Be intentional with how you spend your free time.

Sure, it’s okay to occasionally watch TV or play on your phone, but try to make that free time work for you too.

To paraphrase Nicolas Cole, how you spend your free time will determine how successful you are.

So don’t waste it all on mindless entertainment.

Learn, build, create, and challenge yourself so you can reap the rewards and have something to show for that time.

 

 

5. Not Being Selective Of Your Friends

Nothing will influence your life more than the people you surround yourself with.

And if you go your entire life without carefully evaluating your friends, you could tremendously limit your growth and success.

 

Do they support and encourage you or do they insult you and cut you down?

Do they try to improve themselves or do they rationalize their difficulties?

(I’ve had both kinds of friends and their influence on my success and behaviors was dramatic.)

 

Be selective with your social circle.

If someone in your life isn’t a good influence, cut the cord.

It might seem selfish, but it’s a sacrifice that will transform your life.

 

Also, when looking for new friends, seek people you can learn from and grow with.

That way, you build a network that pushes you forward, not backward.

 

6. Listening to Everyone’s Opinions

“You can’t do that.

It’s too much.

It’s too risky.

It’s a bad idea.”

 

A lot of the feedback you get in life is skewed.

Usually, people just project their own problems, fears, and prejudices onto you.

But why even listen to them?

 

“I do not take constructive criticism from people who have never constructed anything.”

— Eric Thomas

 

The longer you listen to the noise, the more time you’ll waste doing the wrong things.

Choose your own life and choose your own path.

Ignore the noise.

Don’t let people project their own problems onto you and bring you down to their level.

 

7. Not Being Decisive

The longer you take to make a decision, the longer you take to get to where you want to go.

And frankly, I’ve seen way too many people waste decades of their life on a relatively simple choice.

Start becoming decisive.

 

Start valuing action instead of deliberation.

Start becoming comfortable with being wrong and “missing out.”

The result?

You’ll actually move forward in life while everyone else stands still and wastes their time.

 

Make decisions faster and your life will grow faster as a result.

 

“Measure the cost of inaction, realize the unlikelihood and repairability of most missteps, and develop the most important habit of those who excel and enjoy doing so: action.”

— Tim Ferriss

 

8. Not Quitting or Giving Up

Although you often hear clichés like, “Never give up,” many of the best decisions in my life were to quit bad jobs, relationships, etc.—it eliminated huge barriers and gave me the freedom to find something better.

 

Of course, you shouldn't give up at the first sign of difficulty.

But if you’re earnestly trying your best—reading books, getting coaching or counseling, etc.—and you’re still struggling, then the more time you spend trying to fix it, the more time you waste in a losing effort.

 

“If you must play, decide on three things at the start: the rules of the game, the stakes, and the quitting time.”

— Chinese Proverb

 

The hard truth is some situations are beyond repair — and the best thing to do is just to quit.

The world is too big to cling to something soul-crushing or mind-numbing.

Let it go so you can find something better.

 

9. Not Investing

Investing is simple: It’s about devoting time, money, energy, etc. toward something in the hopes that the benefit will be greater than the sacrifice.

 

Traditionally, we think of investing in terms of money and financial gain.

For example, if you start saving and investing in your 20s rather than in your 30s, you will make hundreds of thousands of dollars more by the time you retire.

(So yeah, that’s super freakin’ valuable.)

 

But you can also invest in yourself.

Don’t wait to start improving your own life.

This goes beyond just books or courses—it can mean improving your mental and physical health, taking a big risk, or learning new skills and hobbies.

All of which can change your life forever.

 

10. Not Putting In The Work

I love life hacks: If I can fold my clothes, wash my dishes, or speed my way through airport queues faster than before, I will gladly take that hack, thankyouverymuch.

 

But there are certain things in life that are invincible to hackers.

For example, if you want to build a business, get in fantastic shape, or grow your career, there are no shortcuts. You must put in serious effort, regardless of what coaching you get or what books your read.

So if there’s something you really want in life, get some coffee, sit down, and make it happen now. Because the longer it takes for you to start putting in the work, the longer it’ll take you to get to where you want to go.

As you consistently put in the time and effort, you’ll create some amazing things, reap the rewards, and enjoy them for the rest of your life.

 

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Another way to think about it.  13

 

3 Signs You Came Here to Be A Loner

Being alone is something very few people can handle


It takes a very strong person to be and feel okay with no other person but themselves. (Photo: Cdd20)
 

1. Your Alone Time Refreshes You

One of the best entertainment for you is time spent alone.

That’s because you love yourself and can actually stand being with yourself.

You have no fears when you’re alone.

You’re comfortable and safe in your own company.

 

Being alone to recharge and regroup is as necessary as breathing for you.

You feel more refreshed and better when you’re by yourself.

The time you spend by yourself in your own space, thinking and clearing your mind, is so rejuvenating for you.

Your personal space is your safe haven and you don’t let anyone intrude! You keep it sacred because it’s where you thrive and grow.

 

Solitude refreshes your mind and renews your spirit.

It doesn’t scare you because you know it’s the right path for you.

 

But just because you’re a proud loner doesn’t mean you hate people.

You love people a lot, but you love yourself more.

You can socialize, but you have a time limit before you’ve had enough and need to leave.+

 

Even though you will make time out to spend with people every now and then, solitude is very important to you and you don’t play with it.

You understand that being alone doesn’t mean you’re sad and lonely.

It just means you’re comfortable with yourself and don’t need other people to feel okay.

 

You crave solitude and when you find yourself alone; you’re happy.

The time you spend by yourself, thinking and clearing your mind, is so rejuvenating for you.

It refreshes your mind and renews your spirit.

 

2. Large Crowds Are a Nightmare

The idea of being in a large crowd can make you feel tired and drained before you even get there. Large crowds are too hard to deal with and you don’t have the strength for it.

 

Most loners are empaths or highly sensitive people.

As an empath, you are sensitive to the energies around you.

 

You'd rather not go where there are too many people, too many sounds, and too many different energies.

That's because you can quickly take on emotions, feelings, and thoughts from your environment without even knowing it.

 

You can sometimes even feel assaulted by other people’s energy.

Being where there are large numbers of people can be suffocating and feel like a nightmare.

Large crowds where energy is diverse can make you feel so drained to the point you feel sick.

 

You are okay with one-on-one encounters and other small groups where you can hear each other speak and have meaningful conversations.

You’re also okay where the music isn’t way too loud you must yell when you speak and the lights aren’t blinding it gives you a headache.

You hate the small talk that’s frequent in crowds.

You dislike superficial conversations that go nowhere.

You want deep conversations or you’d rather spend the time alone.

The idea of being in a large crowd can make you feel tired and drained before you even get there.

 

3. You Don’t Go Where The Drama Is

As a loner, your quest is to find peace and you know that peace is only achieved when one can accept, nurture, and love their own company.

 

You stay away from people who talk and complain too much and won’t allow you the peace and quiet to hear yourself think.

You love quiet places and enjoy having your alone time, undisturbed by others, perhaps reading a story or listening to music.

This is why you stay away from lazy and indecisive people who love to indulge in meaningless and idle conversations.

You avoid those who love drama and you're not friends with those who always want to stir up issues.

 

You enjoy the company of those who stimulate your mind and make you think big things instead of those who engage in small-minded activities like gossip and unnecessary chatter.

 

You avoid places and events that always have a lot of unnecessary drama.

You’d rather crawl inside a hole and rot before you allow yourself to watch one of those reality TV shows where they fight and bicker all the time.

You don’t even watch TV that much because you’ve learned it’s how people are fed with fear and anxiety.

You love the time spent in solitude and you desire time spent with other introverts who understand your nature and won't force you to talk too much or get you involved in some drama.

 

Being alone makes you wise because you spend much of your time observing, absorbing, and reflecting.

 

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Another way to think about it.  14

 

22 Hard-Earned Pieces of Advice You Can Use to Permanently Change Your Life

Based on nearly a decade of personal experience.

Ayodeji Awosika
 
Don't be afraid to make mistakes': 11 ways to be more creative | Art and design | The Guardian

In about a month, I’ll be celebrating my seven-year anniversary as a writer.

I’ve been writing pretty much every single day, without fail, for a better part of a decade.

I’ve published three books, given a TEDx talk, and started a six-figure writing business.

 

Zoom back seven years and change. I’d dropped out of school, was working a $10/hr job, drank and did drugs every single day, and had criminally low levels of motivation bordering on total depression.

What changed?

How was I able to do the one thing so many of us are desperate to do and finally put my foot down? I’ve studied personal development for the better part of a decade.

The things I learned helped me make a permanent change. It’s impossible for me to go back to the way I once was.

What follows is all of the wisdom I’ve gained through constant learning, years of experience, and gallons of blood, sweat, and tears. I did all the work, now you just have to follow my directions.

 

Laser focus for 90 days

There’s no magic formula that tells you how to conjure up the motivation to start, but once you do, get it in your head that you’re going to commit 90 days to ruthless execution toward your goals. Don’t look past that benchmark at all.

It’s long enough to see progress and short enough to commit to without getting overwhelmed.

One study showed that it takes 66 days to form a new habit.

I used that time frame myself and tacked on a bit more for style points. Try it.

 

Use this phrase to decide what to do with your life

“That would be cool…”

I always used to say things like “It would be so cool to be a writer.” “It’d be cool to write a book someday.” It’s the thing I always came back to.

After years of struggling with motivation, I followed through with writing because it was compelling. You need to find something that pulls you instead of feeling like you need to push yourself.

 

Focus on your strengths

You develop passion by getting good at something, not waiting for passion to fall in your lap.

It’s easier to get good at stuff you already have an inkling you’d be good at.

I took a Strengths Finder test and followed the recommendations for skills and habits to build as well as routines to follow.

Most of the skills and habits mentioned based on my profile dealt with reading and writing. Funny how that works.

 

Time blocking is key

Time blocking is the best productivity strategy I’ve ever used.

Dedicate a time period each day to work toward your goal, develop a skill, or build your project. Choose a length that stretches you but doesn’t overextend you.

I chose 1 hour of writing before work.

Do the same thing, at the same time, daily.

Do it even if it means you sit still for 30 minutes stuck in procrastination mode.

Just sit there.

Learning to be bored is a skill that teaches you how to do deep work.

 

Flow states are your best friend

Flow states happen when you get in the zone and lose the sense of time. At first, it’ll be difficult to get into them because you’re so used to being distracted.

Time-blocking and dealing with the tension of boredom cause you to want to start working eventually. Once you start working, you can hit a groove and you often end up working well beyond your predefined time period.

 

A unique little focus trick

Thought I’d throw this one in here.

It’s specific, but it works really well.

If you’re doing a certain task and want to get into flow listen to the same song on repeat while you work.

It has a hypnotic effect on you that allows you to focus more. Try it.

 

Learn to say ‘no’

If you can’t set boundaries, you’ll never reach your goals.

Once writing became important to me, I had to say no to other things that were getting in the way. Friends would ask to go get drinks.

I’d politely decline.

 

I told myself no when it came to certain distractions like T.V.

I stopped feeling obligated to dole out my time.

Saying no teaches you to prioritize yourself first, which is what you need to do before you can truly help anyone else.

 

Brainwash yourself

For a while, I did nothing but read books, watch YouTube videos, listen to podcasts, and watch educational content like documentaries.

I knew I’d fall off track if I allowed any negativity into my mind — news, politics, gossip.

 

I focused on curating my sources of information because I knew input equals output.

There’s a lot of negativity in the world and re-wiring your mind with positive inputs is a great way to block them out so you can focus on your work.

 

Don’t try to change others

Resist the urge to convert people to your new ways of thinking.

Remember, you thought similarly to those around you not too long ago.

Don’t get on your high horse now that you’re working on yourself.

 

People only change when they want to.

Lead by example.

Trust me, once people see you start to move differently, they’ll notice it and come to you.

 

No one is a prophet at home

Don’t expect others around you to believe in your mission.

After all, why should they?

If you’re just getting started, you have no proof.

 

Since most people don’t change their lives, why would they expect you to?

The people around you have an impression of you that’s hard to change, so don’t try to change it.

You don’t need their approval.

 

Build a trusted cabinet

When you start to learn from others, you’ll find a few people, smart people, you trust.

Follow their wisdom and ignore everything else.

Build your own personal cabinet of mentors and use them for guidance instead of listening to everybody.

 

Develop a skill stack

I learned this concept from Scott Adams, creator of the Dilbert comics and author of the classic self-help book How to Fail At Almost Anything and Still Win Big.

It’s hard to be the best in the world at one thing.

It’s easier to have a set of complementary skills.

Think of having complementary skills as ‘2+2=5.’

I can write blog style and Copywrite, shoot videos, do public speaking, make no-code websites, and market myself on social media, just to name a few.

 

Develop your skills in this fashion

You want to become T-Shaped.

This means you have one skill you’re really good at and a bunch of other skills you’re decent enough at.

All the complementary skills feed into your main skill.

To this day, I start my daily routine by sitting down to write something.

 

Systems > Goals

Having super specific goals doesn’t work as well as creating systems that create outcomes you want. As a consequence of my system, daily writing, product creation, marketing, I’ve made money, built an audience, and created a network of people around me.

It’s okay to have goals, but it’s important to focus more on the system you need to achieve your goals.

 

Build a ‘latticework of mental models’

In short, this means picking up a set of handy rules of thumb you can use to make better decisions.

 

This way, you can get ahead without being a genius.

Also, have a basic understanding of a bunch of different subjects to develop multi-disciplinary knowledge and avoid domain dependence, which means you’re smart in one area but fail to reach your potential because you lack a basic understanding of others.

 

Read books

This cliche piece of advice is too worthwhile to leave off the list.

Where do you think I got the mental models from?

Where do you think I learned half of the concepts I’m talking about in this post?

Books are such a cheat code.

Smart people took the time to do all the work for you and present the answers to you in a digestible way.

Full stop, most people don’t read, period.

Doing so puts you ahead of the pack.

 

But don’t become a sport reader

Don’t read for the sake of being able to tell others how many books you’ve read.

It’s both tacky and counterproductive.

Read because you want to do something with the information.

If you read a book on leadership, become a better leader.

If you read a book on productivity, become more productive.

Don’t get high off self-help content.

Use it.

 

At a certain point, reach this mode

I don’t read a ton these days.

I’ve consumed so much information that I’m in the period of my life where I need to just build. Information only gets you so far.

After you build a base of knowledge, it’s best to put yourself in the arena and focus more on turning your dreams into reality.

 

Ship your work

There’s no way to figure out if your idea will work until you put it out there for other people to see. Most people get stuck in research mode — they have all these ideas but never share them.

You need to get feedback on your projects from the real world to see if the ideas are actually good.

 

Sometimes the answer is no, but knowing that saves you tons of time.

Imagine spending a year working on a product that fails vs. coming up with a product concept to test with customers in 30 days.

When you ship, you can iterate your way to success by finding out what works and what doesn’t.

 

Take your L’s

You have to learn how to accept rejection and failure.

If you can’t, you’ll never accomplish anything, period.

Learning to take your L’s just means you can handle temporary defeats without getting butthurt and quitting.

It means you don’t let your losses define who you are as a person.

It means you learn to extract lessons from failures and setbacks instead of feeling sorry for yourself. You course correct over time until you win.

After taking a few L’s you learn they’re not as bad as you thought they would be in the first place.

 

Play the long game

Once you’ve been through the 90-day threshold and found something that seems promising, go all-in on it and don’t look back.

If you can’t delay your gratification, you’ll always end up running in circles jumping from one idea to the next.

The irony of attempting a bunch of get-rich-quick schemes is that it takes longer than getting rich at a moderate pace by picking a lane and sticking with it.

 

Achieve one self-improvement arc and you’re free

A self-improvement arc happens when you’ve made serious progress and accomplishments in a field, e.g., you’re a full-time writer with a few books under your belt.

Once you have a huge solid foundation of success in one area, you can branch into other things.

You don’t have to have one single defining life purpose, but you do want to hit some critical milestones in a single area.

After that, it’s like you’ve beaten the video game and get to spend the rest of your life achieving side missions.

 

Final Thoughts

If you simply read this one post, got to work, and never read any of my stuff again, I’d be thrilled.

There will always be new waves of people looking for guidance.

I don’t want people to read my work forever, I want to let my little chicks free and let them fly.

 

Self-help is awesome, but it’s just a stepping stone to a better life. It’s a means to an end, not the end itself.

Don’t pride yourself on learning, pride yourself on doing.

Don’t get stuck on the self-improvement content treadmill.

Go out there and kill it in your real life.

 

 

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Another way to think about it.  15

 

Start Being the Person You Want to Be

Use your mind and take action to obtain your ideal life

Photo by Kenzie Kraft on Unsplash

Do you ever feel average?

 

It’s not the worst feeling in the world but it’s also not the best feeling either.

There’s something that just feels off when you realize that you’re average. There’s nothing wrong with average and as a matter of fact, some people wish to be average at best.

You may be average to the world but from your perspective, you can be as great as you want to be.

If you think the right thoughts and take the right actions, you can become the person you’ve always wanted to be. You may not be confident in yourself now but you still have time to build it.

 

Comparing yourself to others is a dangerous game to play but it also motivates you to do more.

 

You should focus on yourself and your own goals more than someone else's but every now and then without realizing it, you will take a glimpse into someone else’s life.

Having a mentor who is successful is great motivation for you to become the best version of yourself.

 

Be content with what you have but don't be too content about the person you are as of right now. Sometimes we need a little push in our lives along with a wake-up call.

The truth that hurts most people is that there are people just like you who are not making excuses and are finding ways to improve every day.

There are always butterflies in my stomach when I think about settling, if I were to give up right now and just “go with the flow” my life wouldn't go anywhere.

 

A few years later I would regret not doing anything while I was young and would have to live with that regret forever.

Listen, you don't have to strive for a perfect life or even a perfect body but you should strive for the best that you can do.

Stop giving yourself limitations in a certain area of life, you’re only setting yourself up to reach a level that can’t be broken.

You should be treating life as an endless videogame, improve and pass each level at a good pace and you will get closer and closer to the finish line.

The things that we have to do to become the person we want to be can become tedious but with the help of God and the universe, anything is possible, especially if you truly put your mind to it.

 

Who Do You Want to Be?

Have you ever asked yourself who you want to be in the future?

It’s a question that makes you think…a lot. You probably think about it every day without even knowing it but you always find some way to think of yourself in the future.

 

If you do this too often, you will start to suffer from anxiety and depression because you’re not living up to that person you want to become.

Also, time for you is running out, and although you tell yourself that you will be there soon, “soon” starts becoming farther and farther away.

 

When you ask yourself this question, you should be thinking of yourself in all aspects down to the type of body you want to have all the way to the personality you want to have.

This process of becoming this person isn’t easy and it’s not supposed to be, there will be days where it seems pointless to even try.

This is why you have to start changing your thoughts about yourself as well.

If you keep telling yourself that the person you want to become is impossible to obtain, then it will be impossible.

But, if you start telling yourself that it is possible and you truly believe that it is, then God will start opening doors for you to achieve that goal.

It sounds simple but it really takes some time to understand, you don't have to be the most confident person in the world to do this but confidence will help.

 

If you lack confidence now in your life, start there.

Tell yourself that you are confident and start living your life as if you were truly confident in yourself. Start wearing clothes that you like to wear, without worrying about how other people will view you and the confidence will come on its own.

 

Also, start working on your body, start exercising to put into your head that you’re actually doing what it takes to be confident in yourself in the future.

 

Take risks in all aspects of your life and the returns will be far much greater than all of the times where you doubted yourself and wanted to give up.

 

Will Your Life Be Different?

Well, you’re in for a long ride and it’s going to be a ride filled with ups and downs but you’ll get through it.

In order to become the person you want to become, you have to become comfortable with sacrifices.

Some of these sacrifices are going to be hard to deal with like lack of sleep and time spent on social media but you will survive.

You’re also going to have to give up some of the fun you have in your life, this means less time with friends and family and more time spent reading books, doing research, and taking proper action needed to execute whatever it is you want to accomplish for yourself.

 

Start thinking about how your life would be different from now if you were to become the person you wanted to be.

 

You may have less time to do some of the things that you’re used to doing now so also take that into consideration.

Try to make your life as enjoyable as possible when going through the hard work that comes with being the ideal person you want to be.

Deal with upfront pain to have long-term benefits afterward.

A lot of the time, that pain is going to really hurt and you may feel like you’re hurting yourself during the process.

What will separate you from many other people who will take on this journey also is that you’re not going to give up.

 

You will always have that skill to carry around with you when dealing with any obstacle.

There’s only so much time in a day to really do what you need to do along with extra work you have to do to reach your goals so don't take it for granted.

 

Your life is going to change immediately, just keep in mind that this is only the beginning and that you’ll always make time for people and activities you like to do.

 

Despite me being in school, doing a few passion projects, and getting my insurance license, I still find time to hang out with close friends and family whenever I can.

Whether it’s for five minutes or five hours, there's always time believe it or not.

Photo by Patrick Tomasso on Unsplash

You’re Always Changing

You learn something new every day and what does that do, it enhances your perspective on life.

You start worrying more about your future when you learn more about life, but instead of always getting down on yourself when receiving this new knowledge, be thankful instead.

 

You don’t notice a change in your life until after it's been there for a while.

This is true with your life right now, thinks bout the mindset you had from when you were 10 years old all the way to now.

Your perspective has changed so much that the thoughts you had back then seemed silly.

 

We should always encourage each other to learn more and to teach more.

 

You’re not the only person in the world who wants to better themselves, there are many other people who have to deal with change every day.

What is scaring you the most about change?

Is it getting out of your normal routine?

Is it a failure?

Whatever it is, just know that you will adjust and that change is only scary when you’re first doing it, it becomes normal eventually.

 

You become what you think about, so start thinking more about the person you want to become. Keep working on yourself no matter how hard it is because it will pay off when you need it the most.

 

I’ll leave you with a quote from Eric Butterworth that says

“Don’t go through life, grow through life.”

 

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Another way to think about it.  16

 

5 Steps to Becoming Present

Living in the “now” — no matter how terrible it might be

 
Photo by Randy Tarampi on Unsplash

I’m sure that you are reading this title right now and thinking to yourself; why would I want to focus on the “now” — right now?

 

I know that the news is full of awful stuff at this time and it seems like we’re going in circles.

The light at the end of the tunnel is close, but not close enough. While yes you are right…

 

I’m someone who frequently has episodes where my mind is always thinking about other things.

Even more so right now, as the world seems to be in absolute disarray.

I find that it’s hard to silence racing thoughts of worst-case scenarios, my mind fills with anxiety, panic… the list goes on.

I feel that it’s OK to feel these things, you need to process all things the good, the bad, and the ugly. You need to put time aside to grieve losses, celebrate winnings, letting your emotions fully process.

 

If you keep pushing the emotions down inside and not addressing you are like a walking time bomb waiting to go off.

In this current situation, amidst all the confusion I know it’s hard to keep calm but this is the best time to practice it.

 

While I haven’t decreased my anxiety and panic completely, I’ve discovered ways to help myself enjoy the present.

This also helps me to remind myself that everything is OK just as it is right here, right now. Regardless of the stuff that is happening in the world.

 

1. Practice self-care.

Now I know that this phrase has been thrown around many times as a scapegoat for in my opinion; our reason to overindulge.

When I say self-care I mean taking time to do something you like to do, something that you enjoy doing, that makes you feel really good and allows you to enjoy the process of doing it.

Ideally, something that requires steps and using your hands. In my case, it’s my morning routine of putting on my makeup and getting ready to work.

 

While I don’t put a lot of makeup on, or put it on every day…It’s the process of putting makeup on that pulls me to the present.

I have to focus when I’m putting on eyeliner, or mascara which requires me to focus on the now, or the act of picking out clothes to wear for the day.

Taking time to enjoy the simple morning routine that’s solely focused on me and what I’m doing at that second.

For some of your that might mean taking time to do a morning stretch, make yourself a nice breakfast or coffee, going for a run, skincare, walking the dog whatever makes you feel good — do it!

 

2. Taking time to appreciate the small things

I have a dog that is just the most adventurous soul, she is always so happy and so excited to do the smallest things.

 
My dog — Athena

It’s amazing to me how much joy she finds in the simplest things such as chasing birds around the park, biting on sticks, running while the wind flaps her ears around.

The simplest things bring her the biggest smile on her face.

Which constantly reminds me to step back and be thankful for all the wonderful things I have.

I have my health, I have people that love and care for me, I have a roof, food, all my necessities.

I have today, all the hours in the day to make a change, better myself, spend time doing things I love… the opportunities are endless.

 

3. Taking walks in nature

I don’t know about everyone, but there is something about tall trees and seeing a lot of greenery that makes me feel at peace with myself.

It’s the kind of scenery that makes me stop and breathe deeply.

It makes me feel more at peace and lets me focus or daydream about things that I feel are two things I don’t get to do very often.

Most of us have to think about, work, school, groceries, kids, finances… you rarely get to take the time to free yourself from those responsibilities even if it is more than a couple of minutes.

I’m originally from the city, but during COVID I moved up to the country. I love to take my dogs for walks and soak up all the greenery.

 
Me and Athena on one of our walks

Take the time to put yourself in a setting that reminds you to slow down. Something that de-attaches you from the constant fast-paced “go, go, go” lifestyle.

 

4. A diary/journaling

While you don’t need to keep a diary, the point is to have some time at the end of each day to reflect on your day.

When you take time to reflect on your day you become present with the now.

What you conquered that day today, not that day last week, a month ago or a year ago.

It allows me to focus all my attention on how much I’ve accomplished in the day, the 24 hours allocated to me today.

It puts into paper all your accomplishments sometimes it helps to see things written down for you to acknowledge that it happened.

I get a lot of anxiety when I feel like I’ve done nothing all day doing nothing.

But when I write down the details of my day, I find out that yes indeed I might’ve spent more time sitting down or binge-watching tv shows, but I also exercised, learned a new skill, cooked a new dish, met a deadline, and so on.

I’ve learned to celebrate the small things and not be so critical of the times where my days are slower than others.

 

5. Take time to disconnect from social media

Social media is a great way to connect with family and friends.

It’s fast, and it reduces the amount of time it takes to make a big announcement.

In the past, we’d have to make a million calls to make sure that our loved ones found out that we hit a certain milestone in our lives.

Now it’s just a picture with a simple caption or an emoji — and everyone knows.

 

Given that social media is a great tool to allow us to connect with all our friends and family- it’s a constant distraction away from the “now”.

We’re bombarded with; skinny tea, hair growth gummy bears, eyelash extensions and photoshopped bodies.

While there’s nothing wrong with any of those things, (you do you) being on social media is like constantly being yelled at to “buy this, look at this, you need to have this”.

So turn it off, and be present with your surroundings and what you’re doing now.

 

You don’t need to keep up with the changing times, or constantly be updated by your friends.

Just focus on what interests you, or things that you like and learn to limit your time on social platforms.

They will contort your sense of reality, and give rise to anxiety for no good reason.

 

These are things that I find help me deal with overwhelming senses of pressure and uncertainties.

We are living in a time where the outcome is unknown, tension is high and we all want to get through all of this in one piece.

It’s important that in the midst of it all you don’t lose yourself through this episode of the most challenging times of being a human.

Focus on maintaining your mental health and be distracted when you need it.

You don’t need to be 100% focused on reality and what is happening around you, but don’t ignore it either.

Stay safe.

 

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Another way to think about it.  17

 

The Universe Doesn’t Take From You, Without Giving You Something Better

The Meaning We Give Is Subjective

“To the mind that is still, the whole universe surrenders.” — Lao Tzu

 

What have you lost recently that you miss from your life?

Was it an intimate relationship?

A career?

Finances or something else?

What emotions did…

I want to reassure you, what was taken from you will be replaced by something better, in due course. I don’t want to give you false hope that losing a relationship will be replaced with another person.

 

Sometimes, people leave our life with no explanation.

Regrettably, I don’t have all the answers, since I am subject to the same fate.

However, there’s one thing I’ve learned.

When something is taken from my life, there is a period of grief, followed by something better coming into my life.

 

For example, I lost my father to type II diabetes well before his time.

His passing sent me on a quest to understand the human condition and why some people live a long life, while others succumb to illness.

 

I wrote a book on the topic, following years of research and it became my quest to understand the connection between mind, body, and spirit.

So yes, whilst my father passed away early, the universe gave me something I could not have expected, and that was the gift of insight, compassion, wisdom, and a purpose.

 

Some of you may have lost your job during the Coronavirus pandemic.

It may have been a loss in your finances, perhaps the breakup of an intimate relationship.

These things can affect us long after they’re gone.

Therefore, we ought to grieve over our loss and console ourselves before moving on.

 

We may or may not find meaning in our circumstances.

Either way, the meaning we ascribe is subjective because we don’t really know the full extent to why things happen. We can only speculate to put our minds at ease.

Can you relate to this?

Are you still looking for why a benevolent universe can be cruel and unjust sometimes?

It is normal to entertain these thoughts, however, they can take us down the rabbit hole of despair, searching for answers.

It may or may not come, so I invite you to focus on the lessons gained from the experience, rather than search for their meaning.

I can’t explain why unfortunate events happen and it would be remiss of me to even try.

 

What I can do is help you make sense of what happened, to move forward as best you can.

It is about re-empowering ourselves with new insights, wisdom, and seeing our misfortunes through the eyes of kindness and self-compassion.

 
Photo by Austin Human on Unsplash

The Universe Intends To Use Your Pain

“When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.” — Paulo Coelho

The universe is barely predictable because life can change at the drop of a hat.

People’s lives are turned upside down and they’re forced into hopeless situations with no prior warning.

But here’s one thing I know: the universe gives us more in return when it takes something from our lives.

 

It gives us the gift of wisdom, resiliency, humility, compassion, and strength of character.

We cannot buy these virtues online because they take years to develop, were it not for our heartbreak and pain.

 

What I’m saying is: when we are forced into a situation, not of our choosing, we discover the essence of who we really are.

 

We all experience pain and suffering, and the degree to which we suffer is based on how we view our misfortunes.

Having studied the lives of centenarians over the years, many of them endured pain and suffering throughout their lives.

 

The one common denominator to their endurance is the will to live.

 

Viktor Frankl described this idea in his book, Man’s Search for Meaning.

Those who endured extreme suffering during the Holocaust in Nazi Germany discovered the will to live and went on to share their stories with thousands of others.

 

Hardship strengthens our resolve and helps us decide what is important.

Our pain becomes the healing agent to heal others’ pain and suffering.

We may use our pain to focus on areas of importance to us such as social justice, inequality, environmental issues, or other issues affecting humanity.

 

When people lose something of importance, some find a deeper meaning in their disaster.

I’m reminded of those who lose family members in tragic circumstances, such as car accidents or murder and rape.

Some start social causes, devoted to helping the lives of those affected by these tragic events. So, what am I saying?

 

Trust.

See if you can accept what happened, and trust the universe to use your pain for your own good or the betterment of others.

 

Life is neither fair nor unfair.

Our mind justifies these thoughts to make sense of unfortunate events.

Life is doing its job, whilst supporting our personal growth.

 

So, if the universe has taken something from your life, something better may take its place in the foreseeable future.

After all, it was the Greek philosopher Aristotle who said: “Nature abhors a vacuum.”

Meaning: something of equal value or better will fill its place.

 

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