About Laura Lee
Laura Lee Carter worked as a research librarian for 25 years before leaving academe to become a freelance writer, author, psychotherapist and speaker.
With three graduate degrees including one in counseling psychology, she enjoys working with clients who need help navigating the many challenges of midlife change.
When she lost her husband and career back in 2004, she started her own dating service, called up the old boyfriend from college, and then finally found love for the first time. Since then Laura Lee has been sharing her unique insights into how best to deal with the many emotional challenges brought on by midlife.
Laura Lee Carter began her life as a blogger back in 2007 as the Midlife Crisis Queen, after going through the magic midlife trifecta: divorce, job loss and near home loss. That was when she knew it was finally time to do EVERYTHING differently!
Through her blogs, books, one-on-one psychotherapy and speaking engagements, Laura helps others confront the crazy changes brought on by midlife, finally embracing the many important opportunities well hidden within this time of crisis.
Read the following parts from her blog.........then vist the site for more information.
Opening to Forgiveness, Trust and Your Own Inner Wisdom
Trusting in Your Own Inner Wisdom
From birth we are blessed with wisdom that cannot be learned or unlearned, existing whether or not we acknowledge it. This is a gift given to us by the universe before we were born. It is vital that we value and honor this incredible part of our self.
When we do not use our inner wisdom, we begin to doubt our personal truths and are driven to outside sources of information because of fear. What we know to be true in our hearts is invariably true, and we discover how intensely beautiful and useful self-trust can be when we recognize our inner wisdom. So listen even if it doesn’t even appear to make sense at times!
This wisdom is not subject to the influences of the outside world, which means that it will never demand that we surrender our free will or counsel us to act in opposition to our values.
We benefit from this inspiration when we open ourselves to it, letting go of the false notion that we are less qualified than others to determine our fate. The wisdom inside of us is the source of our discernment and our ability to identify blessings in disguise.
When we are unsure of who to trust or how to respond to challenges in our life, the answers lie in our inner wisdom. It knows where we are going and understands where we are coming from. Take this into account though it is not a product of experience, but rather a piece of our connection to the universal mind.
In the whole of your existence, no force you will ever encounter will contribute as much to your ability to do what you need to do and be who you want to be as your natural inner wisdom. Through it, you reveal your growing consciousness and discover the true extent of your power and strength. If you heed this wisdom with conviction and confidence, the patterns, people, and fears that held you back before will be dismantled, paving the way for you to fulfill your truest potential.
This is just one of the many lessons I learned when I went in search of love at age 49, detailed in my book How To Believe In Love Again: Opening to Forgiveness, Trust and Your Own Inner Wisdom.
BAD relationships, Codependency, Dealing with lost faith in love, Divorce and recovery, Divorce as positive personal growth, Falling in love, Finding love again, Fort Collins Author, getting past your past, How to believe in love again, Lost love, Love and tragedy, Midlife love, Renewed faith in love, self-compassion and love, Self-respect and love, taking a risk for love, Traumatized by love
Love does not have to be tragic
Although it is generally the tragic love stories we relish, it’s a whole different story when you have to live them. Trust me, I know.
Being traumatized by love at an early age can be a setup for years, if not decades for painful memories which can sabotage your future in terms of finding and trusting in love again.
But there is hope to change this circumstance. Don’t get addicted to the sadness or use it as a permanent excuse to never trust again. Fight against it!
How? I have found that re-experiencing the trauma in a safe, cathartic setting can change your perspective on your past. Trauma specialists know that re-living the traumatic experience either in a Gestalt setting or through other means, can cause your mind to re-integrate the experience in a new and healing way. It is possible to change past trauma into useful life lessons, because as you re-experience it later, you realize all the new insights and resources you have today that you did not have when you first experienced it.
Here’s an example. As noted in my last post, I was traumatized by a tragic case of betrayal in my early twenties. For years after that experience I had no interest in finding love, because I felt certain that it could only lead to more pain. When I finally understood this fact, I decided the best way for me to change my perception and my feelings was by re-visiting “the scene of the crime.”
It wasn’t an easy decision but I did finally talk to the person who had hurt me so many years before. In my case, re-visiting my past helped me to fully understand what had happened between us, from both of our perspectives. This led to a re-integration of reality. In other words, I learned how to experience my past trauma in a different way, from the perspective of an older, more mature person. I realized for the first time, that I was actually lucky that things had turned out the way they did for me.
I was also quite fortunate that my past love was willing to talk honestly about our shared past. He had felt guilty for decades about all of this, and I believe our deep and honest discussions freed him up emotionally as well.
There is the possibility of healing past trauma and tragedy. Fight for your mental health and to feel GOOD about LOVE again! For more information do not miss the book I wrote about changing your mind about love: How To Believe In Love Again.
BAD relationships, Divorce and recovery, getting past your past, Lost love, self-compassion and love, Traumatized by love 2 Comments betrayal of trust and innocence, Got ye songs, love and rejection, Somebody That I Used to Know, Toxic relationships
Just somebody that I used to know…
This is such an attention grabbing new song and I think I know why!
“You didn’t have to cut me off… treat me like a stranger and I feel so rough.”
“You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness…” this song captures so many of the difficult, confusing feelings of being dumped by someone you thought really cared about you.
Can’t we all relate? And it includes sentiment for the best revenge against anyone who has hurt you so terribly. What’s that?
“Now you’re just somebody that I used to know…”
It brings back some difficult memories for me, of being 24 again, the year my heart was broken for the first time…
My boyfriend and I had just moved to Seattle so we knew no one. I made a new friend in class and brought her home to meet my boyfriend. A few weeks later she decided to steal him away from me! Worse than that, he actually went for it and dumped me like a bad habit.
I spent that summer in my tiny one-room apartment, afraid to go out because I might run into the happy couple. I needed to finish up my degree, clinically depressed or not. My best description of that summer comes from a Marge Piercy poem: “That room like a box of pain.” It is quite difficult to describe that kind of trust and innocence betrayed.
In an excerpt from my book How To Believe In Love Again, I summarized my own traumatized feelings this way:
“I placed all of my trust in you. I thought we were a couple. I thought you loved me, and I trusted my friend too. I cannot believe you two can now be so cruel to me. It’s like you have turned into a different person, one I never saw when we first met. And when I confront you, you add insult to injury by saying, “This sort of thing happens all the time.” This may happen all the time, but not to me!
I feel speechless with sadness and anger, both at the same time. Who is this mean, hateful person you have become? I wish I could understand why you have changed so completely. Your betrayal of my love and trust has destroyed me. It feels like I finally let someone in. I opened up and trusted you completely, letting you know the real me, and then you casually reject everything that I am.”
How I would have LOVED to feel that he was “just somebody I used to know.” It took me many years to forgive both him and myself, and finally begin to trust others again.
Sometimes we have to work hard to change bad feelings from our past. Sometimes some serious soul surgery is in order.
How is this done? Find solutions by reading: How To Believe In Love Again.
Today, I hope you will have another inspired day, that you will dream boldly and dangerously, that you will make some progress that didn’t exist before you took action, that you will love and be loved in return, and that you will find the strength to accept and grow from the troubles you can’t change. And, most importantly (because I think there should be more kindness and wisdom in this crazy world), that you will, when you must, be wise with your decisions, and that you will always be extra kind to yourself and others.