The feelings of Shame and Insecurities.....or am I enough?

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Shame

Might shame be an issue with you?

Have you ever felt repulsive energies inside of you that you just couldn't seem to get rid of?

If so, there's a very good reason why you feel almost possessed by negative thoughts and emotions that won't go away, no matter how hard you try to end them.

You could be suffering from shame that was dumped on you by someone else. Some other person tried to get rid of their garbage by getting you to take it. Which never works, by the way. You can never end the awful feelings of loathing and defectiveness by dumping it onto someone smaller and weaker than you.

In fact, it only spreads when you try this. And that's why shame gets handed down from generation to generation. For the rest of the story, and to find the solution, just go to -

Starting New

by Madisyn Taylor

We can choose to start over in this very moment, there's no need to wait for a new year, month, or week.

There are times in our lives that lend themselves to starting something new. The beginning of a new year, finishing school, leaving a job, or changing homes--these all are times that turn our minds to fresh starts. Their advantage is that they bring with them the energy of that event, creating a tide of change around them that we can ride to our next shoreline. But we can choose to start anew anytime. In any moment we can decide that a bad day or a relationship that's gotten off on the wrong foot can be started again. It is a mental shift that allows us to clean the slate and approach anything with fresh eyes, and we can make that choice at any time.

Starting new is most powerful when we focus our attention to what we are choosing to create. Giving all of our attention to the unwanted aspects of our lives allows what we resist to persist. We need to remember to leave enough room in the process of new beginnings to be kind to ourselves, because it takes time to become accustomed to anything new, no matter how much we like it. There is no need to get down on ourselves if we don't reach our new goals instantly. Instead, we acknowledge the forward motion and choose to reset and start again, knowing that with each choice we learn, grow, and move forward.

Making the choice to start anew has its own energy--it's a promise made to you. The forward momentum creates a sort of vacuum behind it, pulling toward you all you need to help you continue moving in your chosen direction. Once the journey has begun, it may take unexpected turns, but it never really ends. Like cycles in nature, there are periods of obvious growth and periods of dormancy that signal a time of waiting for the right moment to burst forth. Each time we choose to start anew we dedicate ourselves to becoming the best we are able to be.

Glad To Be Alive The Path To Adulthood – Healing The Pain Becoming The Adult Overcoming Loneliness – Part Two How To Overcome Loneliness How We End Up In Misery How To Deal With Loneliness Emotional Abuse Test Emotional Health – What Millions Still Don’t Know Emotional Insecurity Help You Have Emotion You Have Beliefs You Have Choice You Are Enough You Are Loved You Have A Heart

EMOTIONAL HEALTH –

The degree to which you open up to and embrace the life energy that you use as raw material for your thoughts and feelings.

EMOTIONAL HEALING –

Removing the gunk that clogs up and inhibits the flow of life energy moving through you.

EMOTION –

A fusion of thought and feeling that expands your consciousness.

7 Types of Toxic People You Should Remove From Your Life

Fixing others' insecurities isn’t your job.

Sinem Günel

According to psychotherapist Jodie Gale, a toxic person regularly harms your mental wellbeing through her behavior.

But even though that person might be going through emotional challenges herself, that’s no valid reason to sabotage you.

As Hans F. Hansen once said:

“People inspire you, or they drain you — pick them wisely.”

We all know how being around toxic people feels because we consciously or subconsciously let them enter our lives.

Yet, the negative impact of being around toxic people is also proven scientifically.

In a 2004 study, German scientists monitored brain activation through magnetic resonance to determine which effects negative stimuli have on our minds.

The findings are shocking: Negative stimuli, like being around harmful people or consuming toxic social media posts, negatively influence the neurons in our hippocampus, the part of our brain responsible for memory and reasoning.

Toxic behavior can come in various shapes and forms, but most of the time, there are similarities, such as manipulation, drama, jealousy, or narcissism involved.

The good news is that a toxic person can only influence you if you allow it.

The bad news, however, is it’s hard to spot these people because we’re so used to their toxic behavior that it feels normal.

But if someone’s constantly affecting you emotionally, making you feel bad about yourself, ignoring your values, and disrespecting your boundaries, it’s time to rethink that relationship.

It’s-not-my-job Jessy

Think back to your time at school when you had to do group projects with your classmates.

It’s-not-my-job Jessy is the person who’s part of the group but merely does the bare minimum.

She doesn’t feel responsible and lets her teammates do all the work.

Working with Jessy sucks because she thinks she’s better than you.

These are also the people who don’t clear their tables after eating in a fast-food restaurant, who never pick up trash or help someone at the grocery store.

At work, they do the bare minimum and leave.

And they’re annoying to be around in private because they never support you, even if you’re on a fun activity.

If you go on a vacation with Jessy, she expects you to do all the preparation work.

It’s-not-my-job Jessy thinks she’s efficient and fair, but in reality, she’s lazy and annoying.

Positive Paula

A positive outlook on life is certainly better than a negative one, but sometimes, enforced positivity can also harm our mental wellbeing.

Positive Paulas try to ignore or even suppress your emotions by telling you that life is great and that you should be grateful for everything you have.

Don’t get me wrong: Being grateful is a great practice.

It helps you focus on the bright side of life by paying attention to the things we often take for granted (e.g., our health, family, a safe home, access to food and water,…).

But sometimes, shit happens and life isn’t just sunshine and roses.

And in those moments, you deserve to embracing all your emotions, including the negative ones.

Supportive friends are great, but a Positive Paula doesn’t care about helping you.

She just tries to stay away from your problems, which isn’t necessarily what you need when you’re facing challenges.

Positivity is great, but people who try to suppress your emotions aren’t.

A good life isn’t about faking smiles.

It’s about genuine happiness and about embracing all your emotions, even if they’re negative.

Negative Noah

While positivity can indeed be toxic, negative people and chronic complainers are much more common.

Let’s be honest: There’s a lot we can complain about every single day.

Politicians are annoying, the weather might suck, your coffee might be cold, your wifi connection might be bad, you might be stuck in traffic jams, your partner might break up with you, or you might catch a cold.

These things happen all the time.

And with almost 8 billion people on our planet, it’s no surprise that some are grumpy, aggressive, corrupt, and unfair.

But the truth is, life’s okay most of the time, and there are enough reasons to see the bright side, even when negative things happen.

The problem with Negative Noah is that he’s never content and satisfied.

He’s constantly complaining and always focusing on the negative, even if he could relax and enjoy life.

But what’s even worse is that he’s trying to turn everyone around him into a Negative Noah as well.

These people don’t want you to be happy.

They want you to complain, argue with the customer service, be grumpy, and spend your energy on useless arguments.

They’re so used to finding mistakes and blaming others that they don’t even know how amusement and contentment feel.

Most of the time, Negative Noah isn’t even aware of his behavior.

He’s always been that way, so he never thinks of being grateful or happy.

Focusing on the negative and complaining is his default state.

And it’s nearly impossible to change his thoughts and behavior because he doesn’t want to be happy. He wants to find mistakes, flaws, and arguments.

You-only-live-once Oliver

Oliver is the guy who doesn’t care about tomorrow.

His life motto is Olah, and he makes most of his decisions based on that attitude.

Even though “you only live once” might be true, you should be careful about how you spend your valuable resources, such as your time and energy.

This doesn’t mean you should be overly cautious and never do something fun.

It just means you should be careful about your relationships and about how you make people feel.

You-only-live-once Oliver might not care about losing his job or cheating on his partner because he only lives once and wants to make the most of his opportunities.

The truth is, you can live life to the fullest and make great memories without being an asshole.

If someone’s ignoring your needs and desires because he’s already thinking about the next party and about how to maximize his own pleasure, it might be time to rethink that relationship.

We all only live once, but we can still be caring partners and friends.

Passive Aggressive Alice

Passive-aggressive people struggle to communicate openly.

They show indirect resistance, avoid direct confrontation, express sullenness, and mostly act stubborn.

They might be angry with you, but they won’t tell you.

Instead, Passive Aggressive Alice will make hurtful comments, deny her feelings, and shut down further communication.

She might even delay your requests or make mistakes on purpose just to annoy or harm you. Passive-aggressive people are mostly pessimistic and sometimes even cynical.

Instead of openly telling you what they need, they’ll act stubbornly, blame others, and display resentment.

Most of the time, Alice is hurt and uses her passive-aggressivity as a shield to defend herself from further pain.

Or she’s insecure and afraid of communicating openly.

The problem is that you can’t help her, and being around her can become a constant burden because you never know what to expect.

Competitive Chris

Being a little competition can be fun.

Being too competitive, however, can be exhausting and annoying.

Competitive Chris is constantly competing against everyone.

He’s crazy about winning — so crazy that he completely ignores the fun part of life.

The only reason he’s in business is that he wants to be better than his competition.

When he goes on a run, he needs to pass all the other runners in front of him.

He finds competition everywhere.

Even though Competitive Christ doesn’t directly harm those around him, he might influence you negatively through his behavior.

You might feel stressed and under pressure even though you don’t want to compete with him.

Competitive Chris will barely celebrate your wins and milestones.

Even if you’re friends, he’ll be jealous whenever you achieve something worthy.

Next time you celebrate an achievement, pay close attention to those who cheer on you and the ones who remain silent.

The odds are big that you might discover a Competitive Chris among the silent ones.

Competing can be fun, but you deserve to feel worthy and cared for in all your relationships, no matter who makes more money, runs faster, or has the bigger house.

Manipulative Mel

Manipulative people belong to the smartest group of toxic people, and they’re the most harmful because they try to get you to do what they want.

All they look for is their personal gain.

They’re egotistical, selfish, and often even narcissistic.

Manipulative Mel has such a strong sense of self-importance that she’s dead sure she’s the most important and amazing person on the planet.

According to psychiatrist Abigail Brenner, manipulative people aren’t interested in you except as a vehicle to allow them to gain control, so you become an unwilling participant in their plans.

We all act a little selfish from time to time, but manipulative and narcissistic behavior goes beyond that.

Manipulative Mel can make you feel worthless and disappointed by harming your confidence and forcing you to do things you didn’t want to do.

And the worst thing is Mel will freak out if you don’t do what she expects you to do.

She might even freak out when you disagree with her.

She wants to control everyone and everything all the time, and she isn’t willing to take a step back.

That’s really not the kind of relationship you need in your life.

Final thoughts

Toxic people and relationships are a serious problem for most of us because they’re everywhere and not always easy to spot.

Most of the time, we’re so used to certain toxic patterns and think, “that’s just the way he is.”

But the truth is everyone can change, and you deserve to feel worthy in your relationships, even if you disagree with someone.

Once you’ve spotted a toxic person, you can try to openly communicate how his behavior makes you feel. Tell them what you miss and what’s too much for you.

Some of them will understand and respect your boundaries.

Others won’t.

If someone’s clearly disrespecting your emotions, it’s time to detach yourself from that relationship.

Most importantly, you need to find the courage to protect yourself from their drama when they try to get involved with you again.

Ending relationships is always painful, but it’s necessary if you want to make space for caring and respectful companions.

Take your time to reflect on your relationships and spot the Mels, Noahs, and Alices in your life.

They might not harm you on purpose, but if they’re not willing to change, it’s time for you to rethink their importance in your life.

It’s not your job to fix another person’s insecurities.

You deserve to be surrounded by people who can communicate openly, got their shit together, and don’t project their insecurities on you.

Life is short, and there's no point in wasting your time dealing with the toxic behavior of someone who’s not even willing to accept her faults.

Download my free ebook with 42 actionable lessons that will improve your motivation, productivity, confidence, and relationships.

Quiz: How High Is Your Self Esteem?

Are you your own cheerleader or your worst enemy? Your sense of self-worth and what you think about yourself determines a great many things. It shapes how you act and react, how others treat you, and what kind of people show up in your life. What’s your self-esteem quotient? Take this quiz and find out.

Patricia Spadaro is the author of Honor Yourself: The Inner Art of Giving and Receiving, which explores how to get unstuck and create more balanced, authentic living. For more inspiration on how to create your life with power, purpose, and passion, visit her at www.HowToHonorYourself.com.

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The Power of Vulnerability

Influential author and speaker Dr Brené Brown tackles the myth that vulnerability is a weakness. Instead, she argues, it is the clearest path to courage and meaningful connection, and has the power to transform the way we engage and educate.

Why Shame matters.

Do I deserve?

What Shame does to you.

Why shame goes Bad.

Shame and Psychotherapy.

Pride and the Healing of Shame.

The Power to Overcome Shame (PDF Book)

Self-Therapy About Shame and Guilt.

Click on any word for more information......

change cognitive therapy create reality data stream ego emotional intelligence emotional wellspring fear fear story feelings forgiveness guilt happiness healing Higher Power hope jealousy love miracles pain panic payoffs power problem solving processing regret relationships remorse removing blockages root emotions self help self improvement shadow shame subconscious the little story value what matters willingness

Insecurity

Do You have a Feeling of not being "good enough" to meet the challenge of a situation you face in life.

A sense of helplessness in the face of problems, conflict or concerns.

Feelings of insecurity rob us of present moment happiness. We constantly feel threatened even if our external surroundings impose no danger to our survival. It’s the mind’s habitual tendency to fixate on everything that “can” go wrong that causes most of our insecurities.

The truth is that security is a lie. There is no such thing called stability or security as far as life is concerned. It meanders along at its own pace creating and destroying at the blink of an eye. When you can’t know for sure, with 100% certainty, what will happen to you the next day, is it not naive to look for security in life?

Suggestions to stop feeling insecure?

Embrace insecurity totally. Of course it’s easier said than done but this is the only way out of insecurity. You will feel secure once you are completely “okay” with the uncertainty of life. Then your mind will not hold you hostage with thoughts of insecurity.

Here a few pointers which you can use against your mind when it tries to frighten you with negative thoughts.

Embrace “not knowing” – If you are uncertain you are closer to truth than when you fully certain. The mind wants conclusions but life is always open ended. Get comfortable with “not knowing” and most of your insecurities will vanish. Have you noticed that the thing you are most certain about is what lets you down?

You can’t ever know what’s good for you. Just let live bathe you in experiences because that’s what this game is all about. When you are willing to soak, instead of resisting, life becomes a beautiful journey.

Failure is the best thing that will happen to you – Stop judging yourself on the basis of a failure or success. No success ever lasts, neither does failure. Everything in life is just an experience. Feel free to fail miserably, it’s the best growth experience you will ever have. After all, is it not true that success teaches you nothing while failure deepens you.

Obsessing about the future is just a waste of energy – Take no thought for the morrow, for the morrow shall take thought of itself – a simple yet profound saying. As Jesus said, “look at the lilies how the grow, they don’t toil and spin”. Plan your future if you must but don’t delude yourself that you can ever predict it. Be comfortable in the knowledge that everything works out for the good.

Nothing will last forever – Why do feel so scared to accept this simple truth of life. Everything that arises will subside eventually. All forms are subject to decay and death, it can be physical forms, relationships, businesses etc. Insecurity arises when we don’t embrace this truth. Life is all about birthing and dying.

“This shall also pass” – Just remember these words if you ever feel insecure about a life situation. The most miserable experiences have a time span for which they can last, and then they pass. Why not just look for the seed of growth in our experiences instead of dreading their presence.

Allow a deeper intelligence to guide you – Your mind is just a alarmist of the worst order. It filled with ideas of dread. It’s always expecting the worst and all it does is scare the hell out of itself. The truth is that you are not your mind. The awareness in which the mind noise arises is what you are in reality.

When you simply stay in silence you get in touch with your true nature of “pure awareness”. Deep wisdom flows in when you are in touch with this space. So when you feel insecure, just become silent for a while. The mind noise will threaten and shout, but you just stay effortless and silent. If you do this a deep intelligence will suddenly arise within you and either resolve your problem or give you the strength to cope with it.

Don’t run away from the pain – As hard as it might seem, you have no choice but to face the pain. If you run away from it, it will arise again and more strongly. If thoughts of insecurity arise within you, don’t shield yourself by taking the protection of alcohol, entertainment or food. Face it, become deeply one with it and be completely aware of it. You don’t have to analyze it. Just stay as the silent presence till it’s done with its play.

Write down your problems – If you are feeling insecure about a future situation, it’s very helpful to write down the exact nature of the problem. Just writing it down will help clear up mind.

You will be amazed at the various solutions you can come up with once you put down your problems on paper instead of twirling it around in your mind. Be very objective in how you approach the problem. If you really don’t know how to solve it, just become comfortable with the feeling of not knowing.

Live in the moment – It’s beautiful how life always takes care of anything that comes in the present moment. You have the resources, the strength, the physical ability and the intelligence to handle any situation that is in your present moment awareness. Yet we keep trying to solve an imaginary problem which we expect the future to bring in.

It’s tough, but very liberating to let go of this neurotic need to live in the future. Of course to live in the now is not easy for the ego because its roots are in the past and future. You have to be unattached to the noise of the mind to stay in the now.

Thoughts of insecurity will arise. There will be no stop to it. The mind by its very nature is always insecure. The secret is to by detached to the mind, then its horror tales will not influence you. This is the only true liberation from insecurity. read more......